Support thread for anyone who has lost a parent ( 5 )

[mummylin2495]

Here we are , our new home

In our crem people put ashes all over the place ! We scattered Hal of my grandad round a tree and left some flowers there. The other half is in my garden with my gran ! Maybe you could phone the cemetery and ask if what you want is possible. It probably is but will depend on your cemetery's rules

Yes I will.
Haven't told dh yet!
Have told mum I shall continue annoying her and dad into eternity :)

I expect there are quite a few people do that anyway and just don't bother telling anyone, after all the ashes will eventually go into the earth, we have a little place to plant flowers on mums grave and there would be no reason we couldn't put ashes there. Do you have a place like that ?

Hello everyone. I'm so sorry I haven't been here for a long while. I'm so glad to see familiar faces still here supporting each other beautifully. I have no chance of catching up on everything you've been up to, but suffice it to say, I'm sending my love to you all, and have thought of you all often.

Waving a sad hello to newer folks as well.

I'm ok...loads of ups and downs, of course. Did that 'silent screaming' thing earlier on- don't know if any of you get the same thing? There I was busily hoovering, feeling a bit cross, when all of a sudden, BAM- huge wave of grief smacked me in the face and I stood frozen on the landing with a grimace on my face and mouth open wide but no sound coming out. It's like being punched in the diaphragm (the organ, not contraceptive device, obviously :)) Eventually emitted some sort of gasp and lovely OH and DD appeared as if by magic and threw their arms around me.

In moments like that, I think it's fear more than anything. Overwhelming terror at the emptiness and meaninglessness of everything. Thankfully those terror moments are short-lived.

Hi waterlego yes I think we all get taken aback when moments like that happen. They just seem to come at random times as well. I think it must be a normal thing. I think you can go on for a few days,then bang it hits you again.but I suppose when we have lost someone we cared for so much it's bound to happen, even more so in your case. Take care of yourself and just go with the flow of emotions

Oh...a couple of other things I just want to share...and I really hope you won't think that it's selfish of me to bugger off for ages and then turn up and talk about me?

My SIL (BIL's wife) posted on FB this morning 'Mum has gone away for 2 weeks :('

(She sees her mum very regularly and mum helps out a lot with the 4 children)

I really, really wanted to post: 'Be glad that your mum is alive and well enough to go on a lovely holiday. My mum has gone forever'

But of course I didn't, because I know it would be unreasonable, unfair and unkind. I just felt very bitter and jealous.

However, in more positive news, my brother and his wife welcomed a second child into their family on Valentine's Day- a little girl. She was born in my mum and dad's house, where my DB and SIL are now living. :) Very sad that mum and dad won't see her- very, very sad. But she is gorgeous and I look forward to seeing elements of my lovely parents in their 4th grandchild.

Hi mummylin, crossed posts there. I'm sort of relieved to know it's not just me that gets those 'paralysed' moments. I hope you're doing ok. xxx

I had a moment like that in my bedroom on Saturday.
It was very odd.
Ok one minute and crying on the bed the next!
Grief does strike at the oddest times...

Waterlego your new little niece will certainly have your mum and dad genes in her, so they live ......
Badvoc how is your aunty doing ?

Congrats on your new dn Lego
Just heard a family friend has had her baby at 32 weeks. A boy :)
They are both ok, mum in icu but that was expected (complicated health issues)
I am going to see my aunt on weds Lin. No idea what's happening. They are now talking about 24 hour nursing home care!? :(

Oh I hope mum and baby will do well badvoc. My iPad froze just now and I couldn't post do you mean that your aunt will be cared for at home .?

No. Got to be 2 person care 24 hours per day so that means a nursing home. I had to help my cousin move her in bed on Friday. She is just skin and bone :(
I honestly don't know how she is still here :(

ds has had chewing gum stuck in his hair tonight after school, they aren't even allowed it in school so Christ knows how, definitely not his as he hates it . think it's finally all out but his head looks all red and sore. he has been upset last few days and going through the memory box a lot. which has totally shaken me up I haven't looked at any of mums things for some time, they all smell of her. life sucks balls sometimes. sorry to hear about your aunt badvoc I do hope they sort out what is best for her. how is everyone

That's odd SM. Did someone put it there? Poor little love.

I have no idea his hair is quite long and he kept fussing and fiddling with it during tea then he said he thought he had hit it because it was all hard and sure enough there was a big lump,

Oh crikey SM that must of been difficult to get out, did you have to cut any hair off ?

no conditioned it all and combed repeatedly/wrecked bits out with my nails. don't understand how it got there he doesn't either

What a chore. Hope his head isn't sore.

is a little red but hopefully won't be sore. spent ages in the memory box tonight mostly asking why he can't have the wrapped present yet and why and that if it's from nanna he should chose when to have it. can't knock him for trying haha

Oh, your poor DS supermario. Chewing gum is a bloody nuisance. My DS picked up a blob of it the other day when we were out in the street, saying 'what's this mummy?' Eurgh.

badvoc I'm sorry to hear things are so bad for your aunt :(
I hope your friend and her baby will get on ok. Am sure they'll both get excellent care.

I know, I can't have it but dp hates it won't let the kids have it in the house, certainly was a not needed stress after the inevitable first day back to school tiredness had set in for him.

Hope you are all doing ok , posting from my brothers. Isn't it lovely to see the daffodils coming out. I have planted some up the cemetery so next time I go there they should be out. It's one of the flowers the damn squirrels don't eat ! Take care all

Lin...my snowdrops have been out for weeks! Daffs on the way. They do cheer me up I must say.
We are doing dads flowers tomorrow - I might get a pot of daffs :)
Had my barium meal today....was gross :( bluergh.

Ooh how horrid badvoc. Was it difficult to drink ? I think daffs cheer everyone up. S bought me some yesterday that were in bud, today already they are out

It was pretty horrid and I feel quite sick now :(
It was so heavy!! Like liquid lead! It was also a bit chewy which was unpleasant.