my baby girl died.

[SupermansBigRedBottleOfSpirits]

My beautiful amazing baby dd2, Summer, died 2 weeks ago yesterday. Her heart was unable to pump blood properly. We never knew until it was too late. She was 11 weeks and 6 days old. I spent most of that day shopping, then at a Halloween party with the other dc. I missed most of my sum sums last day. Dp had to see to her himself, our poor baby not breathing, already gone, in her sleep.

I miss her. And it hurts. Ds turned 2 two days after she passed. If it wasn't for him and dd1 I'd be a screaming wreck in a padded cell. I'm sick of being strong now. I I want my sweet precious baby back.

[holidayseeker]

What a gorgeous little girl and a beautiful name, so sorry for your loss

[Katiejon]

Please take one day, one hour at a time.
Mumsnetters are v supportive, so post as much as u like.

[LilyTheSavage]

I'm so sorry for your loss. My DS2 died three months ago (aged 21) so I know what you're going through and feel your pain with you. If you want to chat please feel free to pm me. I've been chatting with a couple of other mums about this and it helps to chat to somebody who really truly understands.
Be nice to yourself. Do as much as you feel you can do, and if you can't manage something - then don't!
You write so eloquently about Summer. What a gorgeous name, really evocative. Please share all your ramblings about her with us all.
Sending you love. XXX

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

I am so very sorry :(

It must have been a terrible shock for you all, such a beautiful, healthy looking baby girl.

There are no words that can take away your pain, but I hope it helps a tiny bit to know we are thinking of you. I can understand your regret at not having spent her last day with her, but please don't feel guilty - she was with her Daddy & you could not be with all 3 of your children 24/7 and even if you had been home, you couldn't have prevented it. She was loved & treasured by all of you - that's clear from your posts & photos.

Love & strength
xxx

[ChippingInLovesAutumn]

Cup - I haven't seen you in ages, I hope you are all doing as well as you can be, all considered x

Lily - I am so sorry to hear your sad news too :(

Lots of love & strength to all of you who know only too well how this feels
x

[Crownjewel]

Superman, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and I can't begin to imagine what you're going through. You and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers xxx

[SupermansBigRedBottleOfSpirits]

Thanks again for all the kind words and I'm so sorry others have/are going through it. I've realised I despise my long lies now as long lies meant popping sum into bed beside dp for cuddles after her feed. But if I wake early before everyone else I think too much and it hurts. My feelings seem switched off, actually as though someone flipped the switch. I feel empty but sad and sore. Friends and family help by treating me like a normal person but In all honesty I have no idea what any conversion has gone like for the past few weeks. I can laugh and smile but thinking back I have no idea why. My head seems very much in survival mode.

[InfiniteJest]

I saw the photos of your beautiful daughter on your profile and I cried for her, and for you. I'm so so sorry this happened. I wish there was something I could do for you, the pain must be unimaginable. Sending you love and strength from Australia x

[InkleWinkle]

Can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry.

[trulymadlydeeply]

I'm so terribly sorry. Words fail me. You sound like such a loving and happy, busy family. You write beautifully about Summer - a gorgeous name.
Wishing you the very best possible journey on the long road ahead. Please keep talking about her to us all: we are with you for as long as you need us.
Lots of love. X xx

[angelopal]

Sorry for the loss of you daughter Summer. No one should have to go through the pain of loosing a child.

I lost dc1 at 4 days old last year to an undiagnosed heart defect so have a good idea of how you must be feeling. Just take it a day at a time.

Take care.

[cheesypastaplease]

I'm so so sorry for the loss of Summer. What a beautiful name.

Thinking of you and your family x

[dollywould]

I am so so sorry for your loss xxxx

[Shellywelly1973]

So incredibly sad.

Sending you & your family my deepest sympathies. X x x

[LoveAndDeath]

Superman, I am so, so sorry. My own baby girl died unexpectedly at 7 weeks two years ago. It is the very worst thing you can go through. You won't get over it but it gradually gets easier to bear, the grief comes in shallower waves.
Summer is a beautiful, beautiful name xx

[Strokethefurrywall]

Lost for any words - so terribly sorry for yours and your family's loss, to imagine it is unbearable so to live it must be a nightmare.

I can only hope that you can feel the strength and love coming through this chat board.

Thinking of you xxx

[whodunnit]

Your lovely photos show Summer as a happy, healthy looking baby, so alert and already a big part of the family. She always will be a big part of your family. I am sorry she is not still with you, though she will always be with you inside.

[GoodnessKnows]

It's so sad. There are no words powerful enough to change what's happened or how you are feeling. But I hope a caring and virtual hug might help. I've no experience of this but have lost two babies during pregnancy. I do remember how guilty I felt ( even though I found out it had been a chromosome problems So wasn't my fault.). I also remember how guilty and regretful I felt that I had/ hadn't done certain things that might have made a difference to what had happened. I imagine that it's perfectly natural (however unhelpful and totally inappropriate/ unnecessary) it is) to feel both guilty and regretful. Quite possibly part if the grieving process. My maternity ward at the hospital arranged for counselling. The woman was amazing. Would've gone mad if not for her.

[FixItUpChappie]

I'm so sorry - there are no words

My heart goes out to you and your family xx

[kateandme]

im so sorry for your loss.i dont know what to say without sounded cliched or offensive even!!
you can do this.it must ache like your world is breaking.
all the things you told us a about her focus o nthem.she was that little girl,not the loss.you gave her the chance to be that litttle character.she got the chance to live.to have a mum that clearly adored her.
this isnt you fault.its devastating but never your fault.your clearly cherished her and will forever.xx

[ZingWantsGin]

I remember when she was born and I am so sorry for your loss.

[changeforthebetter]

So sorry for your loss

[SupermansBigRedBottleOfSpirits]

I'm lost for words, you have rendered a chatterbox silent, thank you all so much, I doubt my rambling on is making sense.

I watched the x factor last night, without summer to sing to at 1 am it isn't the same I cried. I cried last week too. How ridiculous! I'm so used to having her cuddled in and watching with me once dp is in bed or on the pc I feel utterly naked without her there. I feel naked without her baby carrier on me when I leave the house. She's my only one I used one with although I loved her pram I just wanted her on me all the time. I miss holding her hands as I walked. I miss kissing her head even over her hat and snowsuit. I miss seeing her beautiful face snuggled into a muslin against my chest. I miss being able to watch my son sleep because now I panic, his sleeping face reminds me of summers. Her beautiful face.

[DoesZingBumpLookBigInThis]

none of that is ridiculous Superman

it's bloody awful, that's what it is. so unfair it breaks my heart.
I don't know how you could not cry...I don't know how you can get up in the morning or function.

I don't know how you can breathe.

a friend of ours lost their son almost exactly that way. he was 3 months old. she was out swimming with her daughter, came back to ambulance and sobbing people in front of her house.
their son's heart stopped and he stopped breathing - died in his dad's arms before the paramedics arrived.
he had a congenital heart condition that noone could have known about.he'd be 3 next month.
he was only a few months younger then our youngest son and had the same name.

I see the mum often, and don't know how she goes on.
they have a 6 year old and had a little girl since (same age as DD). I see them together and my heart aches for her, because her son is not there . It's fucking unfair.
it's every parent's worst nightmare and it should never happen.

I'm so sorry it happened to you. such a tragedy