Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Oh badvoc, poor you, you've got so much on your plate at the moment. You're overdue some niceness I think. I hope your son's birthday goes OK and that nobody gets him another animatronic dinosaur, at least!

mummylin thinking of you - two anniversaries close together must be so hard. I remember how relieved we all were that Mum made it to see her and Dad's wedding anniversary at the beginning of the year - it was terrible but we all feared the mixed emotions if she died on that day.

Hello everyone.

badvoc wishing you strength for today. Glad your dads tree and plaque are up and looking good, I find it nice to have somewhere to go. We have a plaque for mum and dad in the rose garden at the crematorium and it's so peaceful there with just the birds to listen to.

mummylin sending you lot of for the next few weeks, and for you too waterlego xx

Love to all the other ladies including t875 and ssd xx

Vlad...he has had an iPad from us and Dhs family (I know....5 years old, it's ridiculous) and octonauts stuff from my family. He took in balloons for his school friends today :) (better than sweets I think) and his teacher had gotten her guitar out ready to sing happy birthday to him :)
I hope he has a fun day. I feel so sad today, hope it doesn't show.

badvoc hope you have manged to get through your ds,s birthday ok. Bet he was thrilled with his iPad. I'm sure your dad was looking down and sending him angel greetings.
biscuits lovely to see you, I hope you are going along ok.

Mummylin - we will be there right by your side for the next few weeks. Maybe get a picture or an ornament to signify both of them. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. (( hugs))

Badvoc - hope today is going the best it can. Happy birthday DS!! Happy birthday to him we still got the spiritual comfort at my daughters party little random things/ signs happening. I took comfort but was still very very hard. X

Hi to everyone else - biscuits will b pm ing you :-)
Ssd waterlego, vlad, Mario sister and anyone else I might have missed. Love to all. Hope your all going along not too bad xx

Sorry mummylin. I meant to remember them not signify I get my words muddled sometimes x

Well, party over. Think ds had a nice time. We had party poppers and a caterpillar cake. It was just family today....big party on Sunday.
Mum very quiet :(
I wish I knew how to help her.
Keep thinking back to last year...dad playing with the grandkids and eating lots of pudding :) I miss him so much.
It's my bd ay first week of October and last year was my 40th and they threw me a surprise b day party. This year seems hollow and meaningless tbh. Mil asked me what I was doing. How do you make "nothing" sound good?

you don't badvoc, but if it suits you just do nothing, do what suits you

happy birthday to your little ds xx

Thank you. He is very tired. Conked out next to me in bed! :)
Mil wants us to go up for a meal on or near my b day.
I just don't want to.
I don't want to celebrate at all - which dad would hate btw. He loved birthdays and Xmas. He was a big kid really.
Sigh.
If it could pass with me in bed all day that would be great, frankly.

Awww Badvoc I've already told my DH that I may want to spend Xmas on my own in bed this year; he said that was fine if that's how it goes. Don't think mum will be here by then and it's just going to feel horrid.

Sounds like you gave your DS a really lovely birthday. It was my DD's b-day today too and she had a lovely day.

((mummylin)) Lots of hard days c

...coming up for you. We will help you through as best we can.

Have switched to iPad now (was posting from iPhone and keep hitting 'post' before I've finished!)

Badvoc I hope your friend's dad's funeral goes as well as could be hoped. I'm sure she will be very glad of your support.

Hello vlad, t875, ssd, supermario, biscuitsandbaileys and anyone else I've forgotten. Hugs for all.

Marshy Are you still around? Hope you're ok. xxx

We have a date for the interment of dad's ashes- 17th Oct- and the kids' Headteacher has kindly said they can have the afternoon off. They didn't come to the funeral, for various reasons, so they are going to come to this instead and I'm hopeful that it will be a good way for them to say goodbye, and to gain some deeper understanding of the fact that Grandad has gone.

I have organised a new carer for mum. The ones she has currently are not very good but I get a good feeling about this new one. She seemed to have more initiative, and a better understanding of palliative care. She seemed keen to help mum have a good quality of life; rather than just ticking through a list of 'jobs'.

I went to a meditation class today. I find meditation frustrating because I seem to spend it in one of two states- either desperately trying not to be distracted by external thoughts, or falling asleep! Nonetheless, I felt quite a lot more relaxed afterwards so I'm sure it did me some good to have that time out.

I have also been having some sessions with a personal trainer to kick start my fitness after a long break from exercise over the summer. He is lovely but very young- barely more than a schoolboy- and it's crazy to think I am paying him for the privilege of being shouted at and given all this pain! I know it's a cliche but the absolute agony every morning confirms that I have muscles I never knew I had! All good for my mental well-being though :)

Lots of love to you all.

Happy birthday to your dd Lego :)
You have so much going in ATM, I am amazed you can manage to meditate! I think I would either get really cross with myself if I couldn't relax OR relax too much and conk out
Glad your Dds can be at your dads interment. What a hard day that will be for you.
I am dreading tomorrow a bit really. The last funeral I went to was dads. But I want to be there for my friend.
Bad news about my aunt today...looks like cancer. They are contacting the Macmillan nurses which I think can't be good?
It's just so unrelenting ATM.
I am so, so tired. Am very impressed at your training Lego! I wish I had that level of self discipline.
Love,to all x

I am very upset. My mums sister just phoned me to tell me my mums bungalow is up for sale. I looked on the Internet and they have all the pics from inside and the garden. They have cut down my mums beautiful bottle brush plant ! And my mums carpet is still in the lounge. Up for 35.000 more than what they bought it for less than two years ago !

oh mummylinn its so hard isn't it I can totally understand why you looked though. I know i feel the same when I see people in our childhood house

That's exactly it re the meditation badvoc! I'm either scolding myself for not being able to switch off (all sorts of random things were flying about my head) or I'm just dozing off! But I felt peaceful afterwards so I'll probably keep at it.

Hard day for you tomorrow. Take care of yourself and maybe plan a very restful evening/early night if poss...be kind to yourself. x

Oh mummylin :( I just can't imagine that...must be so very hard. I remember feeling so strange when my grandparents' house was sold after their deaths...can't imagine how I'll feel when it's my parents' place.

I have not been up my mums road since she died. But I shouldn't of looked at the pictures the new people have put up. Thank god I dug up most of mums there ants cause they would probably have gone too. Saw the bloody water butt that the new owners kicked up about, for those of you don't know the new people got in touch with their solicitor and demanded I return the water butt ! I of course dug my heels in and wouldn't because my mum had bought it ( I am very stubborn) this in spite of the fact we took a reduced price on the bungalow to start with. Even our solicitor was shocked and phoned to apologise. But my brother went and bought them a new one !

Was upsetting to see my mums carpet still there.

There ants = plants !!!

Waterlego - happy birthday to you dd! Hood she had a lovely day!

Mummylin ((())) hard so very hard. I'm dreading that day big time. I think I'd take so much of the house. Piece of wallpaper brick bucket of dirt from the garden. How sad they pulled down the bush. Hey maybe you can plant that bush in your garden? Keep it going?
Thinking of you x

It's not our house now, hasn't been since mum died, we sold it to the people who are now selling it again. By the pictures they have dug the bush out. It was so beautiful when it came out but didnt take it because it was so big, wish I had now.

Oh Lin.
How upsetting for you.
I am in a quandary ATM wrt mum and the house...my parents were/are council tenants. In fact my GM moved into the house when it was built and my father was born in the front bedroom!
Mum is now in a position to buy it and is asking my advice. It's in a. Very nice location (backs onto miles of fields) but I don't know what to advise her.
Dad was always against buying, but then again never had the kind of money mum has now. She would also get a pretty hefty discount due to all their years of tenancy.
Sigh.
It's tricky.
I want her to do it for the right reason. Not because she wants to leave us an inheritance. So many pros and cons.
I think she will apply to have it valued....I think she could get it for £30k!
BUT it needs a new roof and she wants the gardens landscaping.
Wwyd?

Whew, badvoc, that's tricky.. but you could look at it as your mum being able to stay in the house she's been in for years and years rather than moving on? How much would it cost to get the roof done?
As far as Macmillan are concerned, I think they will call them if there is to be any treatment - so it's not necessarily bad. Macmillan were very good in our case and were able to talk me factually through the treatment my mum was going to have, what the side effects might be and so on. I had visions of her staying in hospital for weeks to have chemo so was quite surprised that she'd be in and out in a day.

mummylin that must have been hard. I got to thinking about how I would feel if my Dad moved and it was a really weird feeling. I remember clearing out my gran's flat: once we'd moved her things it stopped feeling like 'hers' so it was a lot easier to deal with. Once we'd painted the walls white it looked like just another property, but it's so much worse when you don't do that yourself. As for the water butt..??? Some people are weird, aren't they?

I'm getting superstitious about the plants in Dad's garden - Mum planted three roses, one which she and Dad had received for their anniversary, one with DD's name and one with mine. The anniversary rose is still going strong, the one with DD's name is flowering vigorously and the one with mine is shrivelling up - story of my life!

Well done on the personal training, waterlego. I've started circuit training and I love it - I don't have time to think when I'm lifting weights! Had to pull out of Saturday's sponsored run because of my chest infection which was upsetting - I was ready to do it in Mum's memory and for a wee boy I know who has also been diagnosed with cancer - fortunately his prognosis is a lot better than hers was as they've caught it early, but still upsetting for the family. I just don't think it's practical to be running this week when I cough for several minutes after climbing the stairs, so maybe it wasn't meant to be. Sigh. .

Hi to t875, supermario glossyflower and everyone else xx

badvoc I know some people frown on council houses being sold, but thanks to that scheme we were able to buy our own home. Without it I doubt if we could of afforded it. I would say to your mum to " go for it " its her home and has been for a long time. We have no mortgage now as it finished a couple of years ago. Best thing we ever did .