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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 26/09/2013 13:40

Lin...I so want to give her good advice. She is worried about repair costs etc but that's just home ownership for you I'm afraid and obv we would get a full survey done.
Mum wouldn't need a mortgage so that's not an issue.
I have told her that I think dad would want her to use the money to make her happy and bring her contentment, and if buying the house would do that then so be it.
Just got back from my friends dads funeral. Oof...it was hard to be there.
I feel so sad today :(

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 26/09/2013 14:06

Oh dear, not a nice day for you or your friends family. I have been to other funerals . But as yet I haven't had to go back to the same place we had mums. That is what I am dreading.
I would get a few quotes to see how much it would cost to have the roof done etc. would your mum feel happier knowing its hers ? The thing is she could keep,on paying rent But that of course is just going back to the council. I'm sure that over the years your parents have paid for the house in rent already ! If she did buy the house would she have enough to live on, is there anything else major that needs doing to it ?
Difficult decision for her , I know what I would do though, someone else can probably come up with different things to think about regarding this. I'm only speaking for myself.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 26/09/2013 14:17

She has a fair amount in the bank due to dads death in service payment :(
And of course it's earning her nothing in interest.
I have sent off the request for valuation today so we will see...it's not a quick process (as you know) so we will wait and see what they say.
She says she doesn't want to move and she has been a tenant since 1968!!

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 26/09/2013 14:23

Oh crikey. That's long time.. See how it all pans out and how much she would have to fork out for all the maintenance work, then she will have a better idea of what everything would cost her. One good thing is that she wouldn't have to move while the processes are all being dealt with.
Maybe thinking about her situation regarding the house will help her as it will give her something else to think of for a while.
Life is never simple is it ?

OP posts:
Badvoc · 26/09/2013 16:53

No, it certainly osnt :(

ssd · 26/09/2013 17:03

I'm sorry about your mums house mummylin, I know how much it means to you. Its just awful seeing the house you grew up in changed and the garden all dug up. Its overwhelming. I think everything that happened with my mums house and her ashes after she died really caused me something like post traumatic stress disorder. I know that sounds extreme, I dont know how else to explain it. But everything was done to suit others, not me and I cant believe how cruel it was to leave it all to me and leave me like they did. I wouldn't do that to anyone. Everything, the scattering the ashes, the clearing the house within a 2 week period, the dealing with it all alone, its really affected me. But its gone now.

hugs to us all xxx

Badvoc · 26/09/2013 17:18

Ssd...I can relate to that.
It's all been on my shoulders.
And it's been so awful and upsetting.
I am exhausted with it all.
I have a night off tonight as a friend of mine is going to see mum tonight.

ssd · 26/09/2013 21:26

I know badvoc, I can tell its all coming down to you. Its just so very hard, isn't it. Try to enjoy your night off, have a bath and a glass of wine.xx

Badvoc · 27/09/2013 07:25

Ah.
Ds2 seems to have got tonsilitis.
Cosmic.

t875 · 27/09/2013 09:24

Oh fgs badvoc that sucks! Hope he's better soon!! I will be asking and praying for things to turn right round for you bless ya. Big hugs xx

Mummylin - thinking of you. Hope your going along ok. How are them beans getting along? We should re name you mummy bean! Grin

Gotta share with you guys. We had get this 3 ROBINS in our garden a few days back I did ask for a sign to let me know she was around and loved all we did for her birthday so I guess that could have been it :-)

My job is another 5 weeks but I loved being in recruitment and because the other temp is full time she's stayed there I've been given 2 days a week on a different department. I'm very sad about this. But oh we'll guess I have to take what I can. I just want to stay somewhere now! Sucks! I'm sure it's just round the corner.

Hope everyone is going along not too bad. Will be back to catch up later. Hi to all xx

ssd · 27/09/2013 11:05

t875..I've been seeing robins all year, I never noticed them in the summer before but I've seen loads, I seen 2 yesterday Smile

badvoc, hugs hugs and more hugs for you xxxx

Badvoc · 27/09/2013 11:28

Thanks.
Yeah, it is tonsilitis so 10 days of penicillin :(
Dh out til midnight but ds1 going to pils.
I have never been so tired in my life.

ssd · 27/09/2013 12:21

my ds2 has just finished a week of penicillin

great isnt it Sad

try to get to bed early

supermariossister · 27/09/2013 12:37

sorry to see the dcs have been ill. i am a horrible cow today i just cant be bothered. been to town with dp he was getting his mums birthday presents wish i had stayed at home just made me feel wretched that i wont ever buy my mum a present again. been a right bitch today

Badvoc · 27/09/2013 13:49

SM...I'm so sorry. You aren't a bitch. You are grieving.
It was my fils b day earlier this month. I just couldn't buy a Card with dad on. I just couldn't.
Sorry your dc have been ill too ssd. It's so grim. I have so much to do in the house and I have spent the day playing connect 4 and topple :(
He hasn't stopped eating yet today so, fingers x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 28/09/2013 00:13

Your not a bitch supermario, it's understandable how you are feeling. You are hurting cause your mum isn't here for you to be buying presents for. I can quite understand that feeling. I am so envious of people who have their mum, and it upsets me when I see how many people run their mum down to the ground, they don't know how lucky they are.
Hi to everyone, hope you all have as good a weekend as is possible.

OP posts:
snoozysleeper · 28/09/2013 00:30

I have just seen this thread in 'active conversations' and wanted to join?

My mum was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of the year and has since passed away. My sister died from cancer less than 12 months ago too.

It still doesn't feel real to me, as if they are still there...sometimes I pick up the phone to call them and remember they're not there anymore..

I found out recently that I'm pregnant and I'm delighted but still feel strange about it... I can't describe how I feel other than worried

I'm also worried about Christmas coming up and wondered if anyone had been through this period and had coping strategies they could suggest?

Thinking of everyone Flowers

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 28/09/2013 01:02

Hello snoozy you have had a lot on your plate for the last year. Hopefully you will find some comfort here. I too have lost a sister so I can relate to that and of course all of us here have lost a mum/ dad. We all have different circumstances on here but are all drawn together through grief. I hope we can help you. Congratulations on your pregnancy. What is worrying you about that ? Not having your mum here ?
As for Christmas well as its your first. You will probably find it quite tough if I'm honest, the same as any of the firsts, birthday. Mother's Day etc. the thing that he.ped me when it was the first Xmas without my mum , I found an old card that she had sent me previously and put it up along with the others. That helped a little bit. But it was still a very sad time as mum had only died 8 weeks before.
Sorry you have had to join our thread, but you are very welcome. When the others come on they may have something that helped them get through Xmas that they can pass on to you.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 28/09/2013 08:17

I Am sorry for your losses snoozy.
Many congrats in your pg! You must have very conflicting emotions ATM.
As Lin says, we are here to talk to, shout at, vent, whatever....
I lost my dad 9 weeks ago today.
Wet Xmas...I have no idea how I will get through it. But with the help of the lovely ladies on here I know I will.
Somehow.
X

waterlego6064 · 28/09/2013 08:48

Welcome snoozysleeper. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your mum and sister. What a terribly sad year for you. I have been wondering about Xmas too, and feeling very apprehensive. My dad died 7.5 weeks ago, and my mum is very poorly and entering the latter stages of her illness (cancer).

Hello all, sorry I haven't been on much, busy week. Hope everyone is getting on ok.

t875 · 28/09/2013 09:38

Hi snoozy sleeper.

I am very sorry to hear if your losses my god how hard for you all. Congrats on your pregnancy though as badvoc says I'm sure a conflict of emotions.

We were 6 months in before Christmas but its still very hard. If I was on my own I think it would have been different but because of the kids I pushed through. We each brought a tree decoration for my mum and put it on the tree, and also a bauball to put on my dads and a little gift for her shelf. I got a special largish Christmas candle. But for me I pushed forward as I know she would have been sad if we hadn't enjoyed Christmas but was also extremely hard too and missed her loads. Were here anytime for you to talk too and vent. Xx

Mummylin thinking of you x

Badvoc - hope the antibiotics works ASAP! X
Hi to everyone and sending love and hugs if needed xx

snoozysleeper · 28/09/2013 15:24

Hi everyone

Thankyou so much for your kind messages! I'm so glad I've found this thread now and truly sorry to hear of all your losses... I am here to support you all too!

mummylin it's not having mum there to help, and constantly thinking that it won't work out- that I would have a miscarriage. I know this is entirely irrational though. Sometimes I think that I got pregnant too soon after and worry how I'll cope but I'm sure this will help pull me through. I am sorry to hear about your mum and sister and thank you for your kind welcome too and your Christmas idea too !! Much appreciated.

badvoc I am sorry to hear the loss of your dad and thank you for your kind wishes, Christmas was so 'big' in family, I'm dreading it really!

waterlego I am so sorry for the loss of your dad and that your mum is in the latter stages of cancer. I know how difficult the latter stages are and hope you get the support you need from here and in RL too.

t875 so sorry to hear the loss of your mum and I think the Christmas idea of yours is beautiful too so thank you!

Thinking of you all!

supermariossister · 28/09/2013 16:48

mum died six weeks before Christmas, ill be honest if we didn't have the kids I probably wouldn't of bothered with half the stuff I did. but you get through, I cried when I opened last presents off her that we found, I cried when we went to grandparents and there was she was missing, but I got through thinking of how bloody much she lived for Christmas and would of raged at me if I was a misery. it is hard but you will get through in a mixture of smiles, tears and disbelief. it won't be all bad x

snoozysleeper · 28/09/2013 22:58

Ahh Thankyou supermario it's good to hear you handled it positively. I'm sorry for the loss of your mum
Flowers

t875 · 29/09/2013 15:49

Mummylin I don't know days etc but I am thinking of you and hoping you are going along ok.

Hi to everyone else. Good your all going best you can. Xx

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