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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/09/2013 10:10

t875 I'm sure wherever your. Mum is she will be among the angels today, she will be having lots of angel guests and all our mums/ dads will be at her special day.she will be having heavenly presents and they will all be talking about us children.the same as parents on earth do. Hope the day is not too upsetting for you. Happy birthday mum of t875

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t875 · 20/09/2013 11:24

Ah thanks everyone. Lovely mummylin.

Yeah guess she will up there and hopefully enjoying her birthday.

Just that gut wrenching feeling of she's not here. I'm not buying a card and I'm not saying happy birthday to my mum she is gone. Sad

And one of my friends said 'chin up' bloody chin up ( could have said something stronger) yeah chin up!! Step in my bloody shoes!!!!
I'm feeling bitter and crap I'm sure will feel better later. Starting to feel a bit better after ranting. Some days my spiritual belief gets pushed to one side when I want her here physically x

t875 · 20/09/2013 11:28

And I'm sure she's loving your happy birthdays.

And I will make her a small card and I have brought her a candle Yankee candle - honey blossom and a lovely Red flower glass candle holder. So hard though giving it to thin air Sad

Happy birthday ssd! I hope your birthday is as special as you are! You share it with my mum two special ladies [happy] xx

Badvoc · 20/09/2013 11:37

Wishing your dear mum a very happy birthday t875 x

t875 · 20/09/2013 11:41

Thanks badvoc. X
Good job I'm not at work doubt if be very pleasant today! But had a good rant and cry chatted to a few of my mates shouted gawd knows what I. Bitterness. Can't imagine what my neighbour thought! Grin

t875 · 20/09/2013 11:42

I. Should have been * in

waterlego6064 · 20/09/2013 12:38

Hugs for you t875

Happy birthday ssd! Hope you have a good day.

My mum has been to see a consultant this morning. He thinks she has 2-3 months left. No idea how to get though this next phase...how to go about facing the loss of both of my parents in the space of a few months...or indeed how I will get through the rest of my life. Feel like I want to disappear.

Badvoc · 20/09/2013 15:16

Oh Lego.
I just don't know what to say...
I know that when they told me mum had had a heart attack just hours after dad died I felt like my life as I had always known it was over. Wham. Over.
I cannot imagine how you must be feeling.
Is your mum at home? Will she go into a hospice at some point?
I'm so sorry my darling x

Badvoc · 20/09/2013 15:17

Happy birthday ssd...how did I miss that!?

supermariossister · 20/09/2013 15:51

so sorry to hear this, it is awful to have a time scale, originally they gave mum 2 years from diagnosis and that was hard enough counting down wondering , we are always here to chat too.

happy birthday also, sure it must be a bittersweet day. xxx

ssd · 20/09/2013 16:21

thanks everyone!

water, badvoc, supermario all the lovely ladies here I'm here for you all xxx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/09/2013 16:36

waterlego I feel very heavy hearted at your news. There is nothing we can say to make you feel any better but do know that we are here to support you at this very sad time. All I can say is to make as many lovely memories as you can Continue to have a laugh with your mum as much as possible , even though you may go away and cry afterwards.treasure every moment you can spend together, have photos taken. Whilst your mum is able to get about go to places that maybe special to your mum and yourself. Most of all please look after yourself, you will need your strength for the coming months.i am so sorry you are now facing this so soon after losing your dear dad. X

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/09/2013 16:37

Oh just seen its your birthday ssd hope you have had a lovely day and happy birthday from me !

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supermariossister · 20/09/2013 16:57

I want to do something really special for mums birthday I dont want it to pass by in tears. anyone got any ideas?

Badvoc · 20/09/2013 17:01

SM...did your mum have a favourite place or activity she liked to do?
Perhaps you could go there/do that?

supermariossister · 20/09/2013 17:05

not really she didn't much do many hobbies, she likes lots of things but not anything we could do. ds is going back to school that daySad

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 20/09/2013 17:14

How about naming a star after your mum supermario or buying some wild flower seeds or little bulbs and plant them somewhere your mum liked to be.or maybe adopt an animal for a year, donate a couple of pound to buy water. Or a bag of rice for a family in Africa, we have this done for us as a Xmas gift from one of our past students, we are always glad to receive gifts like that. Knowing its helping someone , can't think of anything else at the moment !

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Badvoc · 20/09/2013 17:51

Plant a Wild flower garden?
Sponsor a child in your mothers memory?
Water aid?

supermariossister · 20/09/2013 19:47

some good ideas will look at all of them.she loved meerkats but to sponsor one at local zoo is £55. out of my price range at the minute but one to consider for future!

t875 · 20/09/2013 21:42

oh bless you waterlego, i honestly dont know what to say Sad i would just have lots of video and special times talk special things together maybe tape the conversations, my god i would love to hear conversations of me and my mum days before. sending you huge hugs. So very very sorry. Ask your mum what her favourite flower is and maybe take a plant or buy her a little gift yo think she will like, or get a family photo done for her, or put together a scrap book of special times. i can imagine this is all so hard to hear just some ideas which i missed so much after losing my mum suddenly. xx

its been a massively Tough day but we still managed to have a cup cake for her and raised a glass!! Lit my Yankee candle which she would have loved as we both loved Yankee candles!! Honey Blossom! Spoke of funny times I'm sure it gave her and the others up there a good laugh! Happy birthday mum. We Love you! I mourned her this morning was very sad and full of deep grief along witht the bitterness but this afternoon i wanted to show her i was celebrating her for that wonderful lady who deserved us to remember her and not be sad. Im even going to watch QVC with her in a minute, well with her picture! x

waterlego6064 · 20/09/2013 22:56

Good for you t875, you are doing your mum proud. xxxx

Thanks all. It's been hard to take this news on top of the grief already here...but it wasn't too much of a shock really. It's what I expected but was just hard to hear it spelled out by a consultant.

My mum is a ridiculously cheerful, positive person. She understands that the time she has left is limited, but she is making lots of plans. She wants to go to France next month (she and dad have a beautiful house there) and my brother and I are going to do our best to get her there. I can't make her better; I can't bring her husband back. But I can help her achieve some of the things she wants to achieve in her final months.

I spent the afternoon with mum in her garden in the beautiful sunshine. My brother was there, with his pregnant wife and their little boy. It was idyllic and blissful and time stood still for a while there. These are the moments we will cherish and hold in our hearts.

Thank you all so, so much for your support. xxxxx

t875 · 21/09/2013 09:51

I can't imagine what you are going through for a second waterlego. But that all sounds lovely for your mum and your family. What lovely memories you will have. Maybe your mum could get a gift for the children for then to treasure after. My mum gave me a bracelet a week before she passed and said I've got one so they are our friend ship bracelets. Which tbh was strange for her to say. But anyways I treasure that bracelet more than anything as it was pretty recent and also her smells of perfume and other things x

Thinking of you and thinking of you all xxx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 21/09/2013 13:31

Thinking of you all on this horrible dull day, especially you waterlegoglad yesterday has gone for you t875 sounds like you had a nice celebration for your mum. Love the candles idea

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waterlego6064 · 22/09/2013 09:48

Good morning friends.

I'm wondering if any of you have experienced physical symptoms during your bereavement or at time of stress? Currently, I feel absolutely appalling every morning. Even if I've gone to bed early and slept soundly all night, I wake up feeling as though I've been at an all-night party...just feel permanently hungover. Can this be normal? Caused by stress/anxiety? I hate feeling this way. Dealing with emotional and psychological symptoms is one thing, I don't want to be feeling physically rough too. :(

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 22/09/2013 09:57

Stress can have a massive effect on your body waterlego even though in your mind you feel you can /are coping. Your body can tell a different story. If it continues I would think maybe a trip to your doc to get something to help you through. I had a weird thing when my mum died , my legs wouldn't work properly. It was very strange and it lasted about 3 weeks. Sometimes we all need a bit of medical help to help us through.i don't think you should try to cope with this if its making you feel rough now. Thinking of you

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