Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Ssd I hope the cruse session will help you. I think it's supposed to be you doing all the talking with the counsellor asking the odd question or giving the odd comment, at least that's how it was when I had counselling as a teen for school problems.

DH has been great the past few days, he's taken the week off and has been acting as my driver and being uncharacteristically patient when I keep changing my mind over where I need to go. My dad hasn't got a clue what he needs to do and who needs phoning so I've written him a list and told him to write everything down so we can keep it straight. Next job is sorting him a budget and record of when bills need paying.

We're meeting the funeral director tomorrow and I'm dreading it as it will seem so final.

Hi to everyone sorry I've been me me me and can't remember you all, my head's a muddle right now.

Kat...meeting the funeral director is utterly surreal.
My sister had an "episode" at one point and couldn't stop laughing!
We used the "tell us once" service at the registrar which means that if you phone one number they let lots of services know like the passport office, dvla, DWP, etc which was really helpful.
Depending on who you bank with you could become have a third party mandate in your dads account - you can't take money out etc but can sign cheques, change direct debits etc I have done it for my mum. It seems to have given her more peace of mind.
Will be thinking of you x

Fuck I am missing my mum today

Did something give you a jolt friendOD did you suddenly have a memory r something ? I think when it's such early days, things creep up on you when you least expect it to. You can be feeling relatively ok , then bang your back to square one all over again. I'm sorry you feel sad today , I hope tomorrow will be better for you.

Hi, I won't be posting here again for some time (I hope) as I'm not yet in this awful category. Was just wondering if any of you felt that you're just expected to get on with it when a parent is ill or dies? Because everyone goes through it right? We've just found out my mum's horrible, rare, aggressive cancer is back for a third time, she has been treated for ascites of as yet unknown cause and I am worrying myself sick about it. I can't stand the waiting for yet more tests.

I'm not looking for support, there are other places for that and this thread is (hopefully) very much too premature for me. I just wondered if other people will think I'm pathetic for being so badly affected by this. I had to take the day off today as I already have problems with depression/anxiety and today I just couldn't function at all.

Thanks.

No of course your not being pathetic., surely it's natural to be concerned when something so threatening for your mum may be around.its a very frightening time for you just waiting for the results and because you have faced this twice before the thought that is back must be utter hell for you. I too hope we don't see you here for a long while. But pop in anyway to say hello and let us know how your mum is doing. Wishing you and your mum a long happy time together.

Thank you. We know for sure it's back, we just don't know yet if it's metastasised. It is hell on earth just now. But I take heart that all you ladies have sadly gone through this, in one way or another, and have come out of it with your sanity. It's good to know groups like this are around in the event that I need it. xx

I think it has been made a lot easier by being able to chat to others who know what it is like . We talk about it to each other , sometimes rant about our dh,s if we feel they are not being supportive, all sorts of things that are associated with the loss of a parent.Im sure you are in a living hell right now and it must be very scary for your mum. Do you have a date when you will get the diagnosis. Do you have siblings to offer you support or do you have to deal with all this worry yourself.

She's just come out of hospital having had a massive amount of fluid drained off (she's feeling much better thankfully) and them having discovered another growth at the original site. She will be getting an appointment through for a CT scan, and then it will be another 2 week wait after that for the results. I can't help feeling they would be getting on with more urgency if they felt it would make a difference to the final outcome. The only treatment option she has left now anyway is chemo, which terrifies all of us.

I have a DB, but he is "trying not to think about the possibilities". I can't put it out of my mind. My main worry is that I can't bear the thought of watching her suffer and fade away. It feels inevitable now, the questions seems to be not if but when.

Anyhow, this is the wrong place for me to be just now. Thanks very much for your concern and trying to reassure me that my reaction is normal. I feel like work must think I'm being a drama queen and taking advantage, but in my heart I know they couldn't really think that.

I'm sure you will be glad when everything starts for your mum, it must be horrid just waiting around. I'm sure your work will have empathy fr your situation. Anyway as I sad to pop by when you have a minute to let us know how things are going , apart from that hopefully will be a long time till we see you here for you and your mum

Thanks

Everything crossed for you, gaelicsheep. It must be so scary for you.

FWIW I seem to remember the hospital wanting to let things settle down before treating my mum's lung cancer after a drain - basically to let the body recover before letting the chemicals in. Chemo was not as bad as we had feared and Macmillan were really great in terms of answering my questions - it was big and scary beforehand and was a bit less so when I had all the information.

When Mum was diagnosed I went home and stared at the wall for the whole day: despite working in a massively pressurised environment at the time, people were generally really good about it (and gave me the confidence to tick off those who weren't!) Nobody will think you're taking the piss. Many hugs.

Thank you very much. :-)

Just a quick hello to everyone. Feeling very tired tonight. Hope you are all ok. Think ill be going to bed before my normal time of about 2am tonight. Take care all

Still up. Will keep an eye on the thread now we have gone past the 900 mark.

Hi everyone.
Hope you got some sleep Lin?
I am supposed to be going out for lunch with my sil for her b day today...not really in the mood :(
My aunt is getting very frail. I went into town for her yesterday to get her a cordless phone so she doesn't have to keep getting up to answer it.
Mum is at hospital today for her appt with the cardiologist.
Feeling very low. Generally low grade unwell and just...tired.
Oh well, at least the sun in shining!

Sending my thoughts to all of you on this thread. Hope things will get easier for you all. I am thinking of you all.

Well we had Mum's funeral on Monday afternoon. I was absolutely dreading it. However through many tears it was a lovely service conducted by a lady vicar who knew Mum well (she even shed a tear). My two sons were in bits, my DH looked after them while I clung to my Dad. My DB did a moving eulogy and somehow managed to get through it. The service gave me a huge sense of peace. Instead of looking at the coffin I looked at the photo of mum at the front of the crematorium. The crematorium was packed and I got lots of hugs from people I had never met but were good friends of Mum's. the flowers were beautiful and we have collected a lot of money for the local hospice.

My soon to be ex sis in law (thats another sad story) said that she is now going to call me her sister as we have been through so much together (her mum died last year and she is an only child) which was lovely and my in laws who never really show emotion were so kind to me. I almost feel in a strange way that my Mum is doing this, she always wanted people to get on well. I am feeling a sense of calm but I did cry on the way home from the school run this morning as there was a sad song on the radio. Back to work tomorrow and life goes on but there will always be a void. My mum will always be in my heart .... I am sobbing now.

Agnes...that sounds like a wonderful send off for a wonderful lady.
I'm so glad the service gave you a sense of peace.
My dads did too.

Thanks Badvoc. Glad youn experienced that too. The thing that got to me was when the vicar committed Mum to God at the end and touched the coffin, a real surreal moment. One I wasn't expecting but It was a beautiful serene moment.

hi all sorry not been around much not been feeling too good. tomorrow would of been mums 3rd wedding anniversary it hurts that she found him so late and now things are as they are. I miss her so much

Hi SMS.
I'm so sorry you are finding things tough ATM x
Well, mum has been discharged from hospital (which is good, right?) and is off to London tomorrow with dh to my uncles funeral.
I feel bad about not going but my kids need me here (ds2 is going through a clingy phase ATM)
Making plans for Xmas earlier with pils which seemed very surreal. I dont feel like I should making plans to enjoy myself :(
I miss my dad :(

I'm sorry girls

I think its this time of year, the shops are full of things I'd have bought for my mum.

I miss having a mum and dad, there's nowhere to go home to now, no one to buy something old fashioned and special for. I love my kids and dh but I've got no parents now, my family has gone. The kids have no grandparents in a world where everyone else has. Oh well.

Oh ssd :(
I know...I know.
Xxxx

Oh ssd it's so very sad and heart wrenching. I still buy my mum gifts every now and then but if I see something i know my mum would like I buy it for her shelf. But I might also buy it for me as we both liked the same.

Not the same though I know. ((( big hugs)))

Xx

Agnes mum I know what you mean about the end of funeral for my mum. I don't think I Have ever experienced such a feeling. We had raise me up to that part and I literally lifted my hands up to the air. I can't explain it. But I know what you mean.

But also was horrendous too at times as I'm sure yours was.
So glad it went the best it could for you. I was thinking of you xx

Badvoc - hug to you. Hope everyone feels better soon x

Hi to everyone else. My thoughts are with you all. X