Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

So very sorry to hear your news mummylin. Just crap. hugs to you!

Ssd - lovely for you, I think someone is letting you know they are around and know its been a bit tough for you xx

Biscuits - we all get them wobbles it knocks you for six doesn't it. I'm thinking of you and hope you start to feel a little better soon as possible. I will pm you hugs xx

Hi to everyone else. Thinking of you all. X

Mummylin - I will you too as at work. I can't believe your news I'm so sad for you. Especially round this time. Wish I lived nearer so I could give ya a hug x

I just can't believe it, especially after the last few days. She was only so tiny but with a big heart, she was always " aunty phil " she taught me to make cakes when I was about 7 or 8 yrs old. Have now phoned all my family to tell them, they are all equally sad. Now I will have to face my fear of going to the same crem as my mum. I can't not go. I have been to ther funerals but not where we had mums. Oh god.

Sorry to hear your news mummy linn. It is hard when people who have always been a feature in our lives aren't there any more. I hope you can find the strength to go to the crem. I felt the same about the church we held mums funeral at. We went to a local fun day there where it was all dressed up and different and I had a walk round it still felt like a horribly sad place I don't go there anymore it is strange the things we hold on too isn't it

Hellooo not been on MN for a few days as dad has been pretty poorly over the weekend and I have had to drag myself into work and get a bit back in the zone with that before I do myself out of a job!

Mummylin, that's such sad news, I'm so sorry for you - particularly at an already difficult time.

I have much to ask re. Funerals as my sister is on a mission to organise dad's so it is easier when he actually dies. Mum raised the subject and felt hugely guilty about doing so. It was good to be able to talk about it and also try and alleviate some of her guilty feelings about mentioning it.

My big news is that I found out on Monday that I have a place running in the London Marathon for Pancreatic Cancer UK. I'm over the moon and it has given me a sense of positivity in the face of adversity. One of the loveliest things has been the messages I've receive through my JustGiving page. Old school friends from years ago have made donations and sent such kind wishes. I feel really honoured that people have wanted to donate to what is really my dad's cause.

Other than that we are just waiting horribly to see what each day brings.

Love to you all.

I can't believe that in six days there has been my two memorial days and now this. My god we need extra strength from somewhere I think.
ahardyfool wow what great news for you about the marathon, when will that be. Do you normally run ?
Has your dad mentioned anything he would like for his funeral, any particular song or music etc. it makes it a bit easier f you know what someone would like. It s a difficult thing to discuss but if you can get a few pointers from your dad on his preferences it will be easier. My mum left strict instructions for hers and we were able to full fill her wishes .
Thankyou again everyone for your kind messages, what would I do without you all. It's been a bloody shit week so far.

So.
My aunt has inoperable cancer.
They are bringing in the palliative care team.
No idea how long she has.
I am unsure how much more of this I can take.

:( badvoc, that is shit, i cant even put into words how sad i feel for you all like you havent been through enough. i hope you have the support needed to get you through and we are always here to bend an ear or offer a virtual shoulder.

mummylinn, thinking of you too tonight, it must of been a shock, things certainly do seem to come at once and knock us off our feet. mums anniversary coming up next weekend. wish i could stay in bed too.

Omg this is so bad badvoc.
I'm so sorry to hear this news. We're here for you. Xx

Mummylin - I can't believe it poor you. How very hard for you at the moment. I couldn't imagine going to the crematorium church where my mum was for a while. We will be here for you giving you support before and after x

Sad ol time for me earlier. My youngest was upset when she went to bed saying she missed nanny she was telling me things she missed which was cool to hear as I didn't remember but also upset me too. I held her tight and said she's always with us and looking down on us. My word did I have a cry after I went down stairs. God I miss her!

A hardy fool well done on getting into the marathon! Your have to get us cheering you on!! :-) xx

Oh Badvoc, that's really awful - as if you haven't had enough to deal with. I think many of us will be glad to see the back of 2013. Does your aunt live near you?

Ahardyfool - wow, congratulations on the marathon!

mummylin - I remember going to a family friend's funeral at the same church we'd had Mum's at a few months before.. I thought it would be unbearable but there were moments of real comedy (deaf priest getting the hymn numbers wrong), and it reminded me how special Mum's send off was. It took a lot of steel to go in though. Her grave is next to Mum's so it was nice to think they were keeping each other company.
I have already told DH the kind of funeral I want if I go first - hope it won't be for a long while yet, but I have very strong opinions on the music...

t875 - funny, isn't it? DD said apropos of nothing that 'you had a baby in your tummy, but it died, didn't it? I would have liked a little sister. I suppose the baby's with Granny now, isn't she?' Ooooh sob.

Thinking of everyone.

Ooh vlad it kills doesn't it bless You. (()) I was doing ok until she said about when my mum wore the joke glasses on holiday 2011! so gutting her not here anymore.
She was so upset bless her x

Yes she does...near my mum, so that's a blessing.
They have cancelled all her appts bar the one to see he oncologist and for an abdo scan.
She and my cousin phoned us and asked us to meet them at her house @ 6.30...so we knew it wasn't good news. We were the first people they told. I guess I will look into getting her a wheelchair....she wants to go and see dad at the cemetery but it's a long walk over uneven ground in places.
Sigh.
I will be glad to see the back of 2013 too.

badvoc. So sorry for the news about your aunt, I quite understand how you will be glad when this year is over
vlad I will be very upset to go into the same place that we had for mum, it's strange. It's not the actual place because I go there every fortnight to do the flowers. It's the actual little chapel bit I am concerned about, seeing my mums coffin where my aunts will now be. I need to be stronger I think

mummylin Sorry to hear your news. I recently went to a funeral at the same crem where both mum and dads funerals were and it wasn't as bad as I expected. Don't get me wrong I'd have happily not gone! I just kept reminding myself that this was nothing to do with mum or dad, I was there for the man and his family, had a few moments where my mind drifted off but was otherwise ok.

badvoc Also sorry to hear your news {hugs}

ssd I'm so glad you found your mums fleece (or it found you!) how lovely for you.

t bless your little girl. My dd2 does that sometimes, just comes out with random thoughts on nanny and grandad, it makes me wonder what goes on in her head. She loves to talk about them though which is a good thing. Hope works going ok.

Thinking of everyone xx

Badvoc, I'm so sorry about your uncle, and to hear that your aunt is so poorly. What a bloody awful year. I don't know about you but I'm hoping 2014 will be utterly mundane and boring. Mundane sounds like bliss to me at the moment!

mummylin, what sad news about your friends mum. I'm so sorry to hear that. You already are strong- stronger than you know, I bet. I'm sure you will find the strength to go to the crematorium, though it won't be easy for you. :(

Biscuits, thank you. My brother is wanting to rush forwards a bit re sorting things out and selling the house, but I've told him I need a bit more time and want to do it gradually.

ssd I love the story about the fleece- how comforting.

vlad, I strongly suspect my mum will have various things stashed away 'somewhere safe' that we will come across when we go through the house.
She LOVED shopping (I did not inherit this gene) and often bought stuff that she thought might make a good present for someone at some point.

AHardyFool Congratulations on your marathon place- how fantastic :) I like running too, but I think a marathon is a bit beyond me.
Re the funeral- it's hard, but I think it's a good idea to start making some tentative plans. Is your dad able to talk about what sort of things he would choose. Music etc? With my dad, by the time we knew he was dying, it was too late to ask him about his wishes because he could no longer communicate. Mum had longer to prepare for her death though, and we had some conversations about hymns and readings she liked. It was nice to feel we were honouring some of her wishes on the day.
Is you dad at home or in a hospice/hospital?

t, that's so sad. It pains me but I love it when my children talk about my parents. This morning, my son (5), set up a sort of shrine 'to
MorMor and Grandad' in our lounge. He laid out some cushions for us to sit on, and put on the coffee table the lanterns he and his sister made yesterday, along with these glowing fibre optic thingies we bought them at the fireworks last night. It was so lovely, and I don't know whether it was a coincidence that he did that today when I had woken up feeling so bleak and exhausted and not wanting to face the day.

My brother and I did a bit of sorting out at my parents' yesterday. We managed to send off some cheques for bills that had come through, and sorted through mum's jewellery. I have her wedding ring, engagement ring and eternity ring. I won't be wearing them because they're too small, and I already have my own rings on and don't like to wear lots of jewellery. I'm going to think about what I could do with them. I don't want to sell them, obviously, even though mum gave me her blessing to do so.

Hi all it's been a while since I last posted.

Badvoc I'm so sorry about your aunt, its an awful thing to go through. Hopefully the palliative care will be sorted quickly.

After a year of not much changing my mum is going downhill. She's started having fits and not being able to keep food down. She's on a pump for medication to help the sickness but its making her very tired and she's not eating or drinking much. She can't even stand by herself anymore.

I can't even talk to her like I used to as she seems almost drugged and she doesn't seem understand what we're saying. I hate it as last week she was like normal or as normal as she's been.

No one seems to do anything about it, surely they could put a feeding tube in to help. It wouldn't be great but might help give her some strength. It's almost like the doctors have signed her off since they told her the treatment wasn't working. I just don't know what to do.

Thanks all who responded.

Yeah was tough and so sad as made me miss my mum all over again.

But on the flip side I loved hearing her memories of my mum as it was something I didn't know.
Hope your going along ok there today! Wish the rain would stop!

Having a crap day bloody temp work!!

Kat :) that sounds so hard. I'm so sorry. Can you contact Macmillan is the palliative care team?
Just a grim day today :(

Aww ladies :( Grim here too. I feel really weird...like I'm not quite real. Have spent a bit of time staring at walls today.

crazykat so sorry to see that your mum is deteriorating now. Can you speak to the doctors about her being tube fed ? It's so hard to seethed so feeble and weak isn't it. Seems we are all in a peculiar state of mind with one thing and another, makes you wonder when it will end and things will get better for all of us. waterlego it's a strange thing that happens to our brain in times of stress. If you continue to feel odd I would pop along to your doc . We are all in our own little world and its hardto conceive a world without our loved ones, how can the world just go on when we are so sad dosent everyone know we are grieving all sorts of strange things enter our minds I think and I'm convinced its all stress related and it's our bodies reaction to it all.
t biscuits supermario badvoc ssdand anyone I haven't mentioned. Please know none of you are alone

I think that's spot on Lin.
I just can't see light at the end of the tunnel ATM

The doctor has been out to see my mum. Her kidneys are failing which is why she can't eat. They've started end of life care as there is nothing that can be done now. She's got a bed downstairs and caters will be coming in four times a day. We've got a couple of weeks if we're lucky.

It doesn't seem real, almost like I'm not really part of it and I'm just watching.

God.
I'm so sorry Kat.
You and your dear mum are in my thoughts x

Oh kat I am so sorry to see this latest news about your mum. I hope she will be kept as comfortable as possible and that you get to spend as much time with her as you can. I hope you already know we are all here for you. Holding your hand at this very sad time