Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 03/11/2013 22:34

Oh you can all come here because we actually have a karaoke machine and the words come up on the tele ! You could all form a group while I sit and silently giggle !

OP posts:
t875 · 03/11/2013 22:40

lol sorry Badvoc that made me laugh, yeah i declare how much i love my friends after a fair few wines!! lol

i really remember them times, its bleak i felt like i was a teenager again, shouting WHERE ARE YOU MUM i neeeeed you, it is shit! Crap and its wtf and still is some days!! But this is very true when we really do hold so much of our parents they live on in us and i know my mum is around me and when i ask for a sign and get my white feather that re-inforces it. I dont get it straightaway could even be weeks but i will get one, or a random coin 1p or a 5 pence piece or a random heart shape. But as ive said before this is my belief and what gives me at times comfort. Smile

Thinking of you all, and it really is one hell of a dark journey at times, it has got a little easier for me i take her with me tucked in my heart every day. Even found myself talking to her today when eldest turned into demon child, calmer now thank god. Grin

ssd - Hope the days ahead are easier for you, will pm you hun xx

t875 · 03/11/2013 22:41

ooh i love karoke!! We all can be cyber sisters!!! Smile

LucyBabs · 03/11/2013 23:43

Oh dear I may I say MAY have had a little bit to much to drink tonight [hiccup] Thinking of so many good times with my Mum.
My dd goes back to school tommorow after Mid term break, I am in Ireland so not sure if half term is the same in the UK?
Tommorow I begin to wean myself off the anti depressants I have been taking for almost 18 months I am nervous but feeling positive about it.
I originally took them for PND but now I feel I have tackled that its time to stop.

Love to you all Smile

Agnesmum · 04/11/2013 07:40

You are all so lovely and make me feel I am not alone. Quite a few of my friends have been wonderful, especially those who have lost parents. Had a good night's sleep and feel so much better. I just need to get the funeral over with (11th November) as I keep worrying about how I will cope. I have googled a picture of the crematorium.

Back to school for DS2 today so some normality. Going to keep myself busy today making cakes for Mum's wake. Going up to see my Dad on Wednesday, it is very hard being so,far away but it won't be for long now. Had a long chat with my brother on the phone and Mum's death has brought us a lot closer, something my Mum would be pleased about.

My thoughts go out to everyone on this thread.

Badvoc · 04/11/2013 07:50
supermariossister · 04/11/2013 08:07

jeez you have one night away from the bereavement thread and their planning a karaoke party. I'll go away more often Grin I can't sing though. my nephews birthday party yesterday. mums husband signed his birthday card from mum too. Not so bad for my nephew as he's only three but ds was totally confused. my sis was chatting yesterday and said oh nanny s poorly isn't she meaning dn other nan and ds piped up nanny is not poorly she is deadSad it's true but was so blunt and he looked so sad . I wish he didn't have to see these things when he was so young . how are you all

t875 · 04/11/2013 08:29

Agnes I'm glad you and your brother are supporting each other x
The funeral comes and it's horrendous but for my mum I was pleased in some respects that we got the people we did and played the music she loved - Daniel I donnell and also poems and her life were read out. We done her proud. And from somewhere you do get strength but it was immensely sad too. We will be thinking of you and holding your hand throughout.

Mario - ah that's sad Sad I guess when they are younger its black and white for them more matter o fact.

Lucy - good luck with coming off the meds. If you need any support or a rant or shout we are here for you. Thinking of you.

Hi badvoc and anyone else.
Bad evening for me last night boy zone come in the radiol and my mum loved them. So took me to a deep place.
I'm ok today though. Love her and miss her so much xx

waterlego6064 · 04/11/2013 17:46

Awwww Mario :(

Badvoc, reading your latest post, I gather your aunt has died? I missed that previously. I'm sorry for your loss. :(

Ladies, here's some black humour for the day (apologies if anyone thinks this in bad taste, but my brother and I have relied on our shared dark sense of humour quite a lot this year!) My bro has opened some post today at my parents' house. One letter (a renewal notice from the gym where Dad was a member), reads:

'Congratulations! We hope you have enjoyed the benefits of improved health and fitness during your membership'

Knowing my brother, he will probably phone them up and say: 'unfortunately, his gym membership hadn't done him much good this year- he's dead'.

Perhaps it's wrong to laugh but I'm pretty damned sure my dad would have Grin

mummylin2495 · 04/11/2013 18:20

waterlego it is An uncle of badvoc that has died.
I don't know about the rest of you but I have been cold all day today, dosent help much when dh goes out and dosent close the door. Grrrrrr ! Do you know I think he had forgotten that t was my sisters memory day on Saturday, he never even mentioned it until I said something to him . It amazes me that he never forgets footi scores from years back but can't remember something so important to me. This is what makes me angry

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 04/11/2013 18:24

waterlego even at sad times there ar some funny things that happen. A few of us attended a friends mums funeral and took flowers with us. One person went off to find the person to give the flowers to. She came back to say " I can't find anyone around. They must have a skeleton staff here today " this was at the crem. We couldn't help having a chuckle and t was aid in all innocence too

OP posts:
vladthedisorganised · 04/11/2013 18:33

Hi everyone, and big hugs to all. All Souls day on Saturday which should have been my day of tidying the grave, instead I spent it looking after a.poorly DD! Oh well. I love the story, lego: I don't know how I would have managed this year without gallows humour Grin

Badvoc · 04/11/2013 18:46

It's my uncle Lego. My aunt is very ill though sadly. She goes to hospital for the results of all her tests tomorrow.
I know what you mean about humour helping.
About a dozen people turned up outside the (closed) church the week before dads funeral...they had got he wrong Tuesday! Dad would have found That very funny :)

BiscuitsandBaileys · 04/11/2013 18:55

Hi all.
Just popping on to see how everyone is. Sorry I've not been around much, been busy with half term and general life.
It was mums birthday last Monday, we took her some flowers to the crem. Another special day she should be here for.
I've had a few wobbles lately but I just pick myself up and put on my brave face. I think I'm very good at detaching myself from situations and my thoughts. I'm sure it's something we all become experts at?

waterlego your mums funeral sounds lovely, hope you're ok. I am in the process of clearing mum and dads house, it's taken us 10 months to get this far but we'll get there eventually. It is horrible having to go through their things and take them to the tip or charity shop but it has to be done. Just do it in your own time. Sending you {hugs}

Thinking of you lovely ladies, t875, ssd, mummylin, badvoc, supermario and everyone one else xx

ssd · 04/11/2013 23:09

Hi girls, something amazing has happened here.

When my mum died, almost straight away I thought "I need to keep her fleece", it was a fleece she bought the last time I took her into town shopping, about 4 years ago now and she wore it loads. So anyway that was the thing of hers I wanted to keep above anything else. But it disappeared, that and brushes my dad used to clean our shoes with. They both disappeared when I was clearing out her house. I searched and searched for them, especially the fleece. I had to clear out mums house myself and in only 2 weeks, as I had to give the keys back to the council. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. My friend helped me do her clothes, but something happened the night before this and made it much easier for me, I felt it was a sign from my mum. Anyway that day we cleared her clothes and I left them in her flat to take to oxfam etc. I didnt bring any home, I was all over the place. When I went back to her flat I checked for the fleece but I couldnt find it, I asked my friend if she had it by mistake but of course she hadnt. So dh went over to look for it the next time her was there but he couldnt find it either. So before I took the clothes out the flat I emptied every bag looking for it, but I couldnt find it at all. I just couldnt understand it, I knew I'd never through it out the only thing I could think wasif my friend threw it out by mistake. It literally disappeared. I've thought over and over since then, "where did it go mum", I could never understand it.

Anyway tonight dh went up to our loft to look for something. I hate the loft ladder but I went up it to poke my head in the loft. In front of me was a black bag and I seen something familiar in it, my mums wreath that she hung on her front door every Xmas, I asked dh to look for it last Xmas I was sure I had brought it from her house but he couldnt find it. So I was delighted to see it poking out from this black bag. So I took the bag down from the loft to get the wreath out. And underneath it was my mums fleece and scarf she always wore with it, also her good coat, a pair of trousers and velvet joggies from M&S, also a pair of her shoes. I couldnt believe it, the fleece was there in front of me, and everything else there fits me like a glove, all of it I was with her when she got it. I'm just so amazed the fleece turned up in my loft!!! I cant remember bringing it home here or asking dh to put it in the loft, (I never go up there myself). Also of course, what else was in the bag....my dads brushes for cleaning the shoes! Everything I couldnt find was in there. I dont know how it got there, I have honestly no clue, but its nothing short of a miracle to me. I thought it was gone forever but its been in my loft all this time. I know I was beyond upset clearing her house out alone, but I have no recollection of bringing this stuff home at all. Its just a mystery, but a great one now its solved!!!

sorry this is so long.

my mums stuff still has the smell of her flat on them, but smelling it the memory isnt quite so painful now as it would have been last year.

maybe I wasnt meant to find it till now, now I can keep and wear all the things, before I couldnt have bared to

who knows how these thing work.

Badvoc · 05/11/2013 07:50

I'm so glad you found them ssd.

supermariossister · 05/11/2013 08:12

glad they turned up ssd.someone is looking out for you Grin

vladthedisorganised · 05/11/2013 09:52

Glad they turned up, ssd. Clearing out things can be really hard and simultaneously funny: Dad and I found so many things of Mum's that were obviously unwanted presents, or Christmas presents for other people that had been put 'somewhere safe'. Grin If we ever move house, I wonder how many of the 'somewhere safe' things of mine will turn up?

I wish I could join in the karaoke but have a stinking cold and lost my voice! Maybe I could croak out 'Six Wheels On My Wagon'...

I had one of those moments where I was almost posessed by Mum when we had visitors the other day - the first thing I said was 'Have you eaten?' Grin

Badvoc · 05/11/2013 13:08

Oh, I know!
I morphs into mrs Doyle from father ted whenever we have guests...
"Ah, go on, you will"
:)

mummylin2495 · 05/11/2013 13:21

What a lovely surprise for you ssd
vlad you can still join in our choir as we will not be making our debut until new years eve we are going to keep ssd company that night.
Hope you are all ok on this wet and windy day. Can finally start my clearing up upstairs. Nearly all done in the bathroom now thank god. Very fed up with seeing tools etc all over the place !

OP posts:
ssd · 05/11/2013 15:31

am looking forward to that party! Smile

mummylin2495 · 05/11/2013 15:47

Just had a call from someone I have known all my life to say his mum has died. She was my mums best friend and I have known her since I was a little child. So close to mums date too. I feel very sad.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 05/11/2013 15:49

Im sorry Lin x

ssd · 05/11/2013 16:07

am very sorry mummylin, what a shock for you and so close to your mums date too Sad.x

vladthedisorganised · 05/11/2013 16:19

I'm so sorry, mummylin. Hugs to you Thanks