Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

OP posts:
waterlego6064 · 02/11/2013 09:53

mummylin I see it's your sister's anniversary today. I'm thinking of you and hoping that the day brings some precious memories alongside the heartache. xxxx

waterlego6064 · 02/11/2013 09:57

lucybabs I am sorry for your losses. I feel a lot like you- I get very short-tempered with my lovely children too. I feel awful because I have historically felt like a terrible mother due to my anxiety and associated issues. Then I got on to an even keel and started feeling like quite a good mum...then my parents got ill and died and now I can't be the mum I want to be.

And like you, I'm another one who puts on a brave and strong face a lot of the time.

Sending hugs. x

t875 · 02/11/2013 11:29

Will be thinking of you today mummylin I can imagine such a mixture of emotions. Remember her how special she is share memories too. Do something special what you know she will love to see. They will be with you. Sending you hugs and supportive vibes x

t875 · 02/11/2013 11:30

Will be back in a bit. Thinking of you all xx

t875 · 02/11/2013 11:49

Sorry hope that didnt come accross like you don't remember her. I'm sure you do. What I meant was share a few funny memories. This helped me with my mums anniversary. X

supermariossister · 02/11/2013 16:12

Hope you are doing okay today mummy linn. and that the clearing is going okay too bad voc . I'm not enjoying this few weeks we made mums birthday special but now it is getting to the day she was really ill when we went in the day they phoned us back in to say she wasn't going to make it the week she was unconscious where every second we were wondering when it will happen. her wedding anniversary then the day after the day she died. I shouldn't sit and go over things but it is hard not too. I do wish I was more religious it would be nice to know that she is okay somewhere .

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 02/11/2013 18:20

I am ok thanks everyone. I always relax after 6 o,clock ish. That is when she died and now that is over. What a horrible couple of days it has been.
On the plus side my bathroom floor is done ! Nearly finished now.
Hope things are better today supermario and badvoc hope you have got through the clearing clearing
.waterlego thanks for thinking of me today
tdont worry I know what you meant

OP posts:
t875 · 02/11/2013 23:47

Glad you got through the day mummylin. Hope the rest of your weekend goes along not too bad.

Sorry to hear your having a struggle super hope things calm down quick there got you. I'd definitely have a break.

Love to you all. I'm so sorry I've not been around today I've had a big project to help my daughter out and were nearly done but its gone on for a while.
I will be getting back though as soon as I can.
Thinking of you badvoc and everyone xx

LucyBabs · 03/11/2013 00:25

Thank you waterlego I am so sorry you too have lost your parents. Your Mum's funeral sounded so lovely.My mum was the life and soul of every party it sounds like your Mum was too.x

I find it hard that such a large personality who touched so many lives can just be gone forever Sad

mummylin Sending you lots of positive vibes and love x

Good wishes and positive thoughts to you all Smile

t875 · 03/11/2013 00:34

That's the hardest thing Lucy babs. My mum was so poplar and such a presence and would love to be involved with everything and for her to literally be here one day and gone the next kills me and I miss her like mad. But I am so like her as my girls are like me so her legacy lives on within us and I also like to think she is with me.
But I know we are all different.
I will try band involve her in some way though buy something special for whoevers party especially from her.
But I obviously miss her physically.
Hugs to you xx

LucyBabs · 03/11/2013 00:41

Thank you t
Funny you should say but I had thought about taking my Mums fav flowers or food to occasions but thought it might make some people uncomfortable but you know what feck them Smile

t875 · 03/11/2013 01:17

Absolutely Lucy! Smile I think the same! I took pictures of my brothers table with all the party food as I know she would be " goo on get a picture for me" he he I can hear it as I know that's what she would do. I've chose little things for the girls, even for my birthday what my mum would like. I know she's not with me and I hate it but I try and keep her legacy and little things she loved to do going! My eldest even knits sometimes as that's what nanny done with her. And when we do anything creative I quietly say for you mum and have that special bond still. I'm really passed caring about what people think. Ill do what I feel comfortable with. I obv respect though people's beliefs. But mine is I have to think she is around me. Kills me think of her as gone completely xx

ssd · 03/11/2013 16:36

hi girls, and I'm sorry to all the newcomers here xx

I feel lost today. Looking after my mum was sort of my purpose in life and dealing with everything for her, as well as visiting. Now shes gone I cant find anything else to replace it all. my life just feels adrift. I thought I was getting over things but on certain days when I used to see mum there is just such a void now. I need to shake up my routine but I dont know where to start.

ssd · 03/11/2013 16:37

I just wish I had family, dh and the kids are always there but apart from then theres nothing and the emptiness kills me.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/11/2013 19:27

Sadly ssd there is no- one can ever replace them or take their place. I don't know how we will ever get used to not having them here. But I suppose one day we will accept that they are gone and we can't get them back. It's a harsh reality but its something we have to face. But it's bloody hard I am lucky I have family, you not so much but all I can say is tha we are all here for you whenever you need a shoulder

OP posts:
Badvoc · 03/11/2013 20:10

Mum, my sister and I went to the all souls service at church today. (It's a remembrance service for those who have died)
It was very comforting.
And emotional.
Ssd....I wish I knew what to say.
I will be your virtual sister if you like?
I'm not sure you would want me tbh...I get drunk after only 1 glass of prosecco, then get very affectionate, then do karaoke.
:)
I know some people who have lots of family but still feel alone. I think when you have loved someone as much as you loved your mum, and been loved in return the hole they leave is so huge, it can never be filled.
At the service today the vicar told us to remember those we have lost, but to look to the future and live for them.
That's what I am trying to do, but, some days it's very hard.
{hugs}

Agnesmum · 03/11/2013 20:31

Feeling very sad tonight. Went out for a walk with the dog and ended up crying in the middle of a field thinking about my mum. I am feeling very upset with a couple of,friends who haven't rung me or contacted me apart from a brief text when I told them about Mum on Tuesday. Don't think I will ever smile again. My Dad is being so strong, wish I could be. Sorry for self-indulgent post.

Badvoc · 03/11/2013 20:36

It's not self indulgent Agnes.
It's how you feel.
I think some people find it very hard to know what to say to bereaved people.
I have a friend from where I used to live. Let her know about my dad and...nothing.
Then she text me last week and is coming to see me on Friday.
I'm not making excuses, but perhaps they want to give you some time?
I don't know.

Strumpetron · 03/11/2013 20:42

Hugs to everyone tonight.

Not self indulgent at all Agnes, we all need to talk x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 03/11/2013 21:03

agnesmum sadly I think a few of us havehad people, who have not acted how we thought they would and I think it's very hurtful even a few words .like "sorry to hear about your loss" helps. You wonder how some people just can't utter those words which would mean so much to someone who has been bereaved I think this is when we learn the true character of people .i found t very hurtful when my neighbour completely ignored the fact my mum had died after knowing her for nearly 30 yrs. I have not spoken to him since and I won't.
We can and do support each other here and thank god for that . I would feel lost without chatting to you all.

OP posts:
waterlego6064 · 03/11/2013 21:30

Virtual hugs for you Agnes. Agree with mummylin- quite a lot of us here have been very hurt by the responses (non-responses, more to the point) of others to our bereavement. It certainly has taught me who my very true friends are. One of my friends didn't respond to my text saying that my dad had died. When I spoke to her weeks later, she still didn't mention it. Eventually I said 'did you get my message about my dad?' she replied 'yes I did, but I didn't know what to say'. Hmm
Glad your dad seems to be doing ok, but you might find that there are times he crumbles and you find yourself able to be strong for him.
Am sad to think of you weeping in a field. I have cried all over the place, in Tesco mainly (which is probably understandable, even at the best of times). Also in the car a lot. Cried on a train yesterday. Sitting there with silent tears pouring down my face. You will smile again, I am sure of it, and you will laugh too and all of that is ok.

Badvoc The service sounds very peaceful and I'm glad you found it comforting. I like the sound of you after a glass of prosecco Smile I like karaoke too.

Ladies, I am feeling rather bleak. Looking after mum kept us going through our grief for dad, then when she went, we had her funeral to organise. Now it's all over. 12 weeks ago I had two parents, and now
I don't have any. I am no longer a daughter. And the whole thing just makes me want to shout WTF? And then go and hide in my bed until Springtime. :)

Badvoc · 03/11/2013 21:46

"I have cried all over the place, in Tesco mainly (which is probably understandable, even at the best of times)"
Sorry Lego, but that really made me laugh! :)
I can really relate to what you say about hiding til spring....that's just how I feel (and my mum too)
Your parents may be gone Lego, but you will always be their daughter. They live on in you. Little things that you are probably not even aware of...the turn of your head, your laugh, your sense of humour....it comes from them.
Nothing will EVER change that x

Badvoc · 03/11/2013 21:48

...oh Lego, you wouldn't! :)
I'm like that character from four weddings...
Staggers up to random person -
"I know I've never met you before, but I really love you. I just want you to know that..."
That's me ^ after a glass of prosecco.
It's disturbing :)

waterlego6064 · 03/11/2013 21:56

Thank you Badvoc. I love this thread because it always teaches me that I'm not alone. Grief is awful...all these new feelings we have to deal with...but at least we're not alone and that counts for a lot.

AND you've made me laugh at the thought of you staggering about declaring your love for people :D

ssd · 03/11/2013 22:24

I'm laughing here too! I'd love you to be my sister badvoc, or any of you for that matter, god I could do with a great sister!!

this thread is great, you're right lego Smile