Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Hello lucy hope you ca find some comfort by chatting on this thread. You have had a lot to cope with losing both parents so soon together. The anniversaries and birthdays etc are very sad times , you can't help but think " if only " it's understandable that the children can be aggravating sometimes, it's just that when you are feeling low everything seems to be so annoying, mre than normal.
T it's tomorrow for my sister, been a sad couple of days but I'm ok, like everyone else I wish that mum and my sister were still here and it can be so painful. But I am fine at the moment
supermario anything we can help you with ?
badvoc sorry about your uncle but I understand perfectly how t is, my dd,s ex is alcoholic and this is why she is now a one parent family. It was unbearable for her whilst he was there and he ended up using violence against her and I called the police and had him arrested. Without drink he was one of the nicest people you could meet. Now he has liver and Kidney probs, diabetes, has fits, I think he will be lucky to live another year. His drink is mre important than his family so yes I understand only too well.

Am sorry to hear that Lin. How awful for you dd. my uncle was only and had had to water nappies for the past 2 years. Such a cruel, insidious disease.
Lucy...losing both of your parents in such a short space of time must have been horrific. Im so sorry.
We have to clear mums loft out tomorrow. Am dreading it. Has to be dine though as they put the scaffolding up today for her new roof!

Just wanted to say hello and I'm really sorry for everyone who has lost their parent(s)

I'm in a different boat. My dad was killed when he was 23, I was 6 weeks old. I never knew him. I wish I did. It really hurts, especially as I turn 23 in september and it kills me knowing I'll be the age he died at. I would give anything to have a memory of him. To be able to hear his voice, or smell him. Just something. I've been very lucky because I have a dad who brought me up from being two, but it still makes me ache when people say 'you look so much like your real dad' and things like that.

I consider myself lucky though, because unlike many on here I didn't build up a relationship with him, so I can't miss it. I can't possibly understand how much it hurts losing one that you've been brought up by.

strumpetron that must of been an awful time for your mum when your dad was killed. Thank god she had you as his legacy. I'm glad that you had a dad who then went on to bring you up. It's very sad you didn't get to meet your 1st dad and have no memories. I lost my sister when she was 26. She left a little girl of two , she also has no memories at all of her mum. Everything she knows about her she has learnt from hearing about her from all of us.I'm glad that despite your dad being killed you were able to then grow up with two parents who cared for you.

Hello everyone.

I wish I could say I've read all the pages since I last posted, but
I haven't and I'm sorry. Because I know you marvellous women are keeping this boat afloat...mummylin, supermario, Badvoc, t, all the others.... This crappy boat that we're all in together.

Hello to all the new people. I'm so sorry for your losses; and for the pain that you are in. Sorry to not namecheck you all.

Ahardyfool I have lost both of my parents to cancer this year. My mum had a long and painful battle with it; my dad's 'fight' was 4 weeks from diagnosis to his death. Neither of them had the same type of cancer that your dad has, but I do know -all too well- the pain of coming to terms with a parent with a terminal illness. It is overwhelming and heartbreaking and terrifying. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other; lean on whoever you can lean on. You will get through it- because you have to. My heart goes out to you.

My mum's funeral was yesterday. Over 200 people turned up. It was completely overwhelming. My brother spoke at the service, and one of mum's friends too. There was a LOT of laughter, which was exactly the way it should be. The wake was amazing- all those people. We had cake and wine served by the girl guides (mum was a guider). There was a huge display of arts and crafts that my mum had made- watercolours she painted on her travels; things she made for people: children's books, quilts, collages.... There was a singalong. It was just amazing; so uplifting.

Then today, my brother and I went to the crematorium with our spouses- just the 4 of us for a quiet goodbye after yesterday's craziness. We had beautiful readings and music. All 4 of us cried so much. My poor SIL could barely get her words out, and I've never seen my husband cry like he did today. My mum was loved. So, so loved by so many people. And I am utterly privileged that she was MY mum.

After the cremation, we took mum's flowers to the burial ground where my dad's ashes are. His plaque is there now, and I laid the flowers down and told dad that mum is on her way to him.

It's weird....I haven't had any sort of religious conviction for about 25 years, but this year- with all its hideousness and tragedy- has brought me very close to believing. I can't get my head around that but I'll just sit with it and see what happens :)

Ladies, I'm sorry I haven't been around. It's been so busy here. (Did I mention that my darling husband took me to Florence for 4 days- in between mum's death and her funeral? It was our 10th anniversary. My husband is amazing). I hope to be around more now that things will be quieter; and the double-whammy of grief is about to hit!

Lots and lots of love to you all. xxxxxx

mummylin thankyou for your post, it means a lot. I have the upmost respect for my mum, she was only 18. She had to live in a caravan with me because her dad chucked her out for being pregnant :( she is such a strong person. She said if it wasnt for me she would have killed herself, she said I saved her life but without her I wouldn't even have life. I'm really really proud to be her and his daughter, I hear stories about him and he sounds amazing. My stepdad - although I don't call him that because he is my dad - has given me everything I ever needed. He was my biological dads friend and speaks about him a lot which makes it nice for me.

I'm really sorry about your sisters daughter, I'm glad you tell her stories because it keeps them alive doesn't it? I can't thank people enough for telling me stories

waterlego I'm glad your mum had a good send off. I hope you feel okay xx

waterlego what a beautiful account of your mums funeral. It sounds like it was full of love. What a lot of people there were there. That was good of dh to take you off for a few days, I'm sure that probably gave you a much deserved break. I'm sure it's been a lot to take in over the past few months, now you have to take care of yourself.

It really does sound beautiful doesn't it.

Yes it does strumpetron sounds like a real celebration of life , instead of mourning for a death.

Thank you Strumpetron (I love your username, btw!)

Just read you previous post....please don't think you don't have a place here, because you really do. Your experience is different to many of the parent-loss experiences here; but it is no less a loss. I can't imagine what it must be like never to have known your dad at all. It's strange that we can each see this from different sides of the coin. You feel 'lucky' in that you never built up that relationship with your dad, but yet you have such a yearning to know him. I feel 'lucky' to have had a wonderful dad for 36 years, yet I feel his loss very keenly because of all that he was to me.
We are all bereft, no more or less than each other. xxx

Thankyou waterlego that's really lovely! I'm glad I can post here. I don't get to talk about him that much, just with people reminiscing stories. I don't get to say how I feel because I feel a bit silly. How can you miss someone you don't remember? But I do. But I'm glad I'm here, I'm his blood and we'll live on :D

We're all lucky in a way aren't we, it's good we can see the best in things or maybe as it's a friday :)

Thank you mummy- yes it was a real celebration of her life. I think she'd have loved it! How are you? I've missed you, lovely lady. xxxx

applies for me this evening Strumpetron :) I was practically tee-total until a few days ago... but I'm making up for now

We are lucky...if this year has taught me anything, it's that we have to count our blessings. Sometimes it's really hard to see the blessings in amongst the shite, but they ARE there, and we have to keep looking for them!

Yes, you are your dad's blood. It must be so strange to have no memories of him, but nonetheless you have his genes in you; he is a part of you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to want to talk about your dad and feel that people aren't receptive to it, or that it feels 'silly'. I don't know what your family or friends are like, but I would urge you to say the things you want to say! To tell them that you need and want to talk about your dad; to speculate on what he would look like now; the things he'd enjoy doing; the kind of relationship you would have. Or if it feels too weird to say it to your real-life friends, then tell us here!

Do you have photos of your dad? Any anecdotes from your mum?

Can I show you a photo?

This is one of my dad on the day I was born, holding me.

This is me, 2 months ago with the same jumper on

sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/1010166_10151765506513885_447772701_n.jpg

Oh wow, is that the very same jumper? How lovely that you have that from him.

I have to say, there is a VERY strong resemblance between you and your dad- lots of similarity around the nose and mouth! He was a handsome fellow; how old was he when you were born?

Tis the very same, mum kept it all these years! It's the comfiest thing ever, I love wearing it just seems to be very comforting.

A few people have said that, nose and mouth and smile. Apparently I look the spits when I'm angry too I used to hate my nose until I saw that photo. He was 23. Mum said he used to carry me around the estate in a sling

And if it's not too rude to ask...what happened to him? If you'd rather not say, then please ignore the question.

Sorry, I've just realised that you already said your dad was 23. I'm sure that it's significant that you will soon turn that age yourself- that you will perhaps feel his loss more keenly now than ever before.

I love that you've got his jumper! I've got a hoodie that belonged to my dad. It's MASSIVE, but I like to wear it for slouching around the house in :)

Your dad carrying you about in a sling- what a precious image that is.

Someone didn't like him, and paid someone to spike him. I don't think they meant to kill him, but he choked on his sick and died. The person who did it never got jailed, but got jailed at a later date after beating his wife with an iron :( Horrible person.

I'm dreading my 23rd but I think I need to see it as a celebration, that I'm alive and happy and will always have him in my heart.

Anyway, tell me about your mum! (if it's not to sore)

How dreadful, I'm so sorry that happened to him :( And your poor mum, losing her partner like that, and with a tiny baby. That's just unimaginable.

I love the way you're turning around the way you're anticipating your 23rd...that shows such positivity :)

My mum...well, how long have you got?! She was bonkers, one of a kind, a ray of sunshine, a little dynamo. She was a retired Primary school teacher and she was always busy...doing things for other people, making stuff, organising events in the community, painting, travelling, playing badminton, going skiing, dressing up, putting on daft voices, doing silly dances, puppet shows...always surrounded by friends, of which she had a ridiculous number. Yeah, she was a one-off :D

And on that note, I'm going to bed to reflect on my fabulous mother :) . It's lovely to meet you and chat. See you here again soon Strumpet x

I always try to think positive it honestly keeps me going through hard times, funny how a little change of mind can do it.

Your mum sounds ace. She must have had loads of energy wow busy lady!

Goodnight waterlego and sweet dreams. Have nice thoughts and thankyou for talking to me x

Yeah, she really was ace. And such a lot of energy for such a tiny woman :)

Sweet dreams to you too. x

Lego...that sounds wonderful. What a send off for a very special woman x
Strump...you are more than welcome here! Gosh...aren't you like your dad!? :) I am too. I have one of my dads jumpers. It's a real tatty old thing but I love it.
Please wish me strength for today.
I have a feeling I will need it :(

Sending you strength Badvoc. It won't be an easy task, but as you say- it has to be done. Can you plan in a little treat for tonight to look forward to? Takeaway/bath/nice bottle of wine? I think you'll deserve a relaxing evening.

I'm dreading sorting out my parents' house. I know we'll have to throw away/charity shop a lot of stuff but I know I'm just going to want to hang on to almost everything.