Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Glad you made it through relatively well. It was nice that so many of you were able to get together and that probably helped everyone. And I'm glad you got to have your sparklers. Hope your garden for your mum didnt get ruined in the storm.

I bought all the garden things in for mums garden just in case. the flowers we bought yesterday had a butterfly in that I brought home or it would of got taken off the grave. bit annoyed as due to the wind my nan took a big hunk of slate stone to hold her flowers down. we went an hour later with our flowers and it had gone just hope the flowers stayed put

Hello - just wondering if it's okay to peep in on you guys. Dad is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer and his liver is failing.

I feel I've lost him already and am really struggling to keep it together.

So many questions in my mind about after his death. I have no religious faith, which is fine but leaves me lacking in any kind of comforting belief strategy...

ahardyfool yes of course it's fine for you to post here how sad for you about your dad. You are not alone on this thread to have a terminally ill parent. If you think we can help you then please dont hesitate to post at any time. I think we all have different beliefs here but always willing to listen to anybody. Do you have some support to go through this in RL ? It is a terrible strain for you I'm sure.is your dad at home or in hospital ?

Two years ago at 8.15 I kissed my mum goodbye and told her "see you tomorrow mum" if only I had known I would of stayed longer. That was the last words I spoke to her

aw mummylin, it just comes back like its yesterday doesn't it . Its so very sad. But please take some comfort in the strength you've given all of us here, you've really made a difference to us all. And I bet your mum knows it somehow and is proud of you. I'm like T875, I've became sort of spiritual since my mum died, I didn't after dad died but something changed in me after mum died and I just feel things differently. I really think your mum will be with you just now and she'll be thinking "That's my girl!"

you've made a big difference to us here and I know I can speak for us all when I say we're with you over the next few days xxx

echo what ssd said, everytime i come on here and read other peoples stories and what they went through it reminds me that we arent completely alone. this thread has helped me say things that i didnt feel i could say anywhere else. i hope you are having a peaceful night.

Thank you mummylin. I sort of feel it might feel like we are moving through the grief when dad actually dies. Not better, but moving at least.

DC very upset tonight so will try Macmillan tomorrow and see if I than get some guidance on helping them come to terms with things.

I can barely believe that less than a month ago we were out and about with dad. He was poorly, but we had no idea what was wrong or how quickly it could render him terminally ill, and deteriorating daily.

I think there are little books available to explain death to children in a gentle way ahardyfool have they given you any indication how long your dad is expected to live. It's a horrid process for you to have to go through.
Maybe someone else on here can help with the children's book or something similar. I don have small children so can't advise on that, but I'm sure someone else can suggest something .
ssdthankyou for being so nice. I appreciate it, a lot. Will be glad when tomorrow is over. I am ok at the moment, sad but ok
supermario I understand. I too like to come here to chat to everyone , knowing that others are also going through the same thing certainly does help.
On a different thing, I saw on e site somewhere that some bereavement threads have had trolls ! We are very lucky we haven't had that too. What is wrong with people that they would do that to bereaved people. They have no respect at all. Makes me angry.

Hi mummylin. I'm sorry you are experiencing the sadness of the anniversary of your mum's death.

Dad is unlikely to make it to Xmas. To be honest, I think we may have maximum of a couple of weeks, maybe less. And all so horrible, with pain, sickness, etc.

I've lost him already to be perfectly frank.

Oh mummylin. Huge hugs to you. (()) hope the day has gone the best it can for you. It's horrendous and so bloody unfair. She is with you always they never leave us I truly believe this xx

I 2nd what others have said mummylin.
I bet your mum is emmensly proud of you. What a wonderful kind hearted caring person you are. I'm sure her legacy lives on In you and will continue. Xx

Hello T it's tomorrow and Saturday. Can't believe where all the past months have gone.i am only the person I am because of my mum, she was always telling me I was kind to her, but I loved her and it was natural.
ahardyfool you will probably be tested to the limit over the next few weeks, but we will all try and help you when you need us. Try and enjoy the bittersweet time you have left and mak some more memories for yourself and your children.
badvoc are you ok ?

I've had a lot of people say I remind them of my mum. I look out for people I care not as much of a mug as she was bless her ( and I'm sure she would admit she has been in the past) but I am sooo like my mum I never realised. And sounds like you are too mummylin. Have you got plans for tomorrow and Saturday?? X

Ahardyfool - you poor thing. I'm so sorry to hear all you have gone through. We're here for you. I will be thinking of you. Come back anytime xx

Hello ssd!! :) I pm'd you Hun xx
Hi biscuits, badvoc, super mariosister x

Ahf...am very sorry to hear your news about your dad. You are more than welcome here x
Lin...I don't know what to say. But your mum must have been a pretty special person...look who she raised!! :) I am sure that some of your kindness and compassion comes directly from her. I am thinking of you x
I am ok. Full of cold and snotty but ok. Dh away with work which I hate.
I took mum into town yesterday and as I was parking the car mum was smiling in a funny way.
I asked her what was so funny...
"You just remind me of your dad"
:)
:(
I miss him. I just miss him.

Wrt books for children I have used 2....badgers parting gift which is lovely and the sad book by Michael Rosen.
I would recommend both.
Check them out on amazon.
X

Hi, My Darling mum, aged 84 died on Monday afternoon. She was my best friend and I am really struggling. She had a stroke 18 months ago but semi-recovered and then in the summer she had a seizure and from then on went downhill.

I can't stop crying, I am-trying to be strong for my boys and my Dad. I have a fantastic husband who is helping me. One minute I am ok and then something sets me off. I don't know how I am going to get through the funeral. She was such a strong lady and always told me that when she died she didn't want me to be wracked with grief, I am trying to remember her words and her strength. My brother keeps telling me to be strong and not cry, he says he doesn't really feel upset as she was old and he was expecting it.

I have been blessed to have such a wonderful mother who saw me grow up and had three grandsons who she adored.

agnesmumi am so sorry Youhave cause to join us here.itis indeed such a sad time in your life. Please accept my sympathy.
You will get through the funeral ,I think we get strength from somewhere. That is not to say you won't end up in tears the same almost of us here.it is two years ago today I,lst my mum and my life changed on that awful day.with the help of everyone on this thread weave all sought and recievedcomfortfrom each other. It is an extremely overwhelming time for you so don't try and bottle up your tears. It's fine to cry.Just get through each day as best that you can. It's the only way. I know you won't think so at the moment but eventually you will find yourself having bigger gaps between being a quivering wreck to a bit of normality.my siblings have been much the same as your brother,but I didnt/ don't feel.ike they do. Everyone is different. We will help you here as much as we can. You can get angry or just chat whatever makes you feel a bit better. Hang on to your wonderful memories of your dear mum. They will help you to cope.i am glad you have a good DH to help you.

At 9am this morning,two years ago I phoned the hospital and they told me mum was fine but hadn't slept very well, I then phoned all round the family to telll them mum was ok. The next couple of hours everything changed in my life forever. Thanks for all your,kind thoughts x

Oh and one more thing agnesmum when my sister died I actually went to my doctor who gave me something to calm me down for her funeral, this may be something that you could think about.

Aww mummylin thinking of you over this anniversary - the awful thing is the anniversary isn't just a day is it? In August I was going over the last Sunday, the Monday, the day before, the day I lost my mum, then the official day.....I ran out of tears. It's so draining and 2 years is not long. I hope you can give yourself some time to just be quiet today.

Thank you for your lovely words to me at the weekend I haven't been on here as I hada plaster cast removed and been poorly with an infection.

I had some help dealing with mum's house from my parents in law. My FIL has been a star actually as I sorted boxes he would carry them to the car. But gosh, it has been so emotionally draining. I have been fed up of making decisions.

What I have realised as you go on, and still grieving, just not bawling as much, is how everyone else moves on and people stop ringing. It's hard realising in some people's lives I was only there as a link to my mum, and now others have gone too. So I have no one to really share the memories as I have no siblings, and she didn't - her close family have all died except grandma's very elderly sister.

I do sympathise with you all going through this terrible time. You can't explain how awful it is to people who haven't experienced it. Even DH has no idea. It's like this cut off point in my own life. Life before and life after. Life with mum and then life without mum. I'm sure it's the same same for others.

Hi everybody, this is the first time I've posted here. I'm really struggling at the moment and don't know where to turn or what to do, or where to start! My mum died Dec 2010 after 18 months of AML. I didn't work whilst she was ill so I could help out and basically spend as much time with her as possible. My mum and I were really close, best friends I guess, she was a single mum from when I was 10. I don't see my dad (he's bipolar and lives in Spain) or my brothers, one is an alcoholic and the other a nightmare, they were so terrible when my mum died I made the decision not to see them as it wasn't healthy anymore. A year and a half after she died we moved to Melbourne Australia and straightaway I got pregnant and Zack was born June this year, 18 weeks ago today! He's gorgeous and we're very lucky as I'm 42 and didn't know if I could have a baby. Recently we've just made another big move to Brisbane and since moving 3 weeks ago I've been really, really, painfully missing my mum. I just can't explain why its suddenly hit me, it feels worse than when she died and some days I feel I can't cope with the pain at all. After she died I had counselling from the hospice and also through my GP and felt I had talked openly and shared my feelings and talked them through but this feels like I'm actually grieving now, like I never did before, its terrible. Has anyone else been through this? Is it to do with having a baby? I don't think it is PND as I'm caring for Zack and getting joy and happiness from him. My partner is currently looking for work and so there are money stresses and I have lost my support networks from moving so much. But this feels more than all that, I can't stop thinking about mum and how it would be if she was still here. I think about things that happened in the past, other people who have died too, and I miss them all but most of all my mum. I've suddenly got this terrible realisation that she's never coming back. Mad isn't it?

Hello julia. Sorry you are feeling so sad at the moment. You have had a lot of changes in your life with having a new baby and moving as well. Your hormones are prob contributing for you at the moment. It also could be something to do with becoming a mum yourself ( congrats on that ). I think that grief can actually feel like a physical pain sometimes. What to do about it ? Well the feelings are different for everybody. Maybe for you it would be best to seek out another counsellor or if that's not for you, just to be able to chat on here can make a difference. It's really helpful to speak to others who are going through the same sort of thing.i don't think there is a time limit on grief. It's two years today I lost my mum and it feels like just weeks ago and I miss her so much, but we have to still live life as best we can. It probably not helping knowing you don't have support from your siblings and coupled with financial worries it may be that you are suffering from some sort on Pnd. I would go and see your doctor.please post here for support whenever you want, there is a good bunch of lovely people on here x

Well I have to say the flowers all looked beautiful, I will,try and put a pic on for you to see. I have been very brave today I think. Leaving the crem I could feel the tears threaten but managed to pull myself together. Or I would of been crying all day.
Then me dh , my brother and his wife went to cafe for breakfast and a well needed cuppa. Am meeting my other brothers tonight for dinner and have been in touch with my sister today. I can't believe all this time has now gone, two years since I saw my lovely mum.
Love and miss you lots mum, I remain your loved and loving daughter xxx

sorry to see new faces and people who are struggling, there are days that i find i carry on and things are easy. other days are really hard.

mummylinn i hope you are doing okay today as is possible and doing something nice for you. it is human nature i think to think of the what ifs and the x time ago this was happening we cant help it. how are you doing