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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

999 replies

mummylin2495 · 11/09/2013 12:47

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

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mummylin2495 · 18/10/2013 18:24

Your stories are so sad. It's just heartbreaking isn't it. If only we could have just 5 mins with them now Sad

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supermariossister · 18/10/2013 20:38

sorry, my parents evening post seems to have brought out the sadness. if it makes you feel any better i just tripped over my pjs and threw tea everywhere....

Badvoc · 18/10/2013 21:09

SM, don't apologise!
It was my ds1s tutor evening last night and he is doing so well. It hurts so much I can't tell dad that. He never saw them in their new uniforms. Doesn't know ds1 is learning guitar or joined a football club.
It's all so fucking unfair.
Have just watched the glee episode dedicated to Cory monteith...which was a stupid thing to do.
I have been crying for an hour and now have a headache.
Hope you manage to clean the tea up!

supermariossister · 18/10/2013 21:14

i saw a clip of that but never watched glee so didnt really know what was going on. i have taken to turning coronation street off by the opening credits because of haleys cancer story, just too close to home for me.

the tea is cleaned up. stupid long pants and short legs....Grin
hope you feel better, crying doesnt half hurt the head.

BiscuitsandBaileys · 18/10/2013 21:21

Sorry supermario I did just lol at that!
You must be very proud of your ds tonight Smile

Huge {hugs} waterlego thinking of you at this very tough time. That's lovely what you said to your mum.

Hope you had a nice relaxing day off t and hope you enjoyed your breakfast out mummylin

Love to everyone xx

waterlego6064 · 19/10/2013 08:56

Hello all, thank you for the hugs and kind thoughts.

We had an amazing day on Thursday. We were burying Dad's ashes and mum so wanted to be there- the staff at the hospice told us they thought she'd been hanging on for that day. In the event, she was far too poorly to come out of the hospice, do my brother and I were given permission to bring a small amount of the ashes to the hospice and scatter them there with mum. We were able to wheel her out into the woodland in the sunshine to scatter the ashes, and I read a poem mum had chosen. Mum wore the pearl earrings dad has bought her for her birthday. It was lovely, and I think it gave mum some peace and a sense of resolution.

In the afternoon, we took the main bulk of the ashes to the burial ground and met all my aunties there. It was very informal and simple. The sun shone and we looked at the beautiful views of the hills and the sky. My uncle played his bagpipes and we read some poems. My auntie read 'Sea Fever', (my dad was a keen sailor). As we listened, I felt a warm breeze gust through, and I felt that Dad was with us somehow, telling us it was a great day for sailing! I don't have a religious belief, or believe in any life after death, but that was the first time I've felt any sort of 'presence' like that, and it was comforting.

When I visited mum yesterday, she had noticeably deteriorated from the day before. At one point, she was in pain and she cried out 'No! No!' She sounded like a little child. It was heartbreaking. I really, really don't want her to go, but we are at the point now where I am ready to see her set free from her suffering. She has fought this so hard, with such courage and determination. I hope she can let go soon.

Sending love to all and hope that the weekend brings happy things your way.

Badvoc · 19/10/2013 11:38

Lego...I was thinking of you and your mum this morning when I got up...sending lots of love and hugs to you x

mummylin2495 · 19/10/2013 19:04

Oh waterlego you really must be in despair at the moment. What a lot of sadness for you recently. I am glad that your mum got so see some of the ashes scattered. I hope your mum is as comfortable as is possible. You know we will be here for you.

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t875 · 19/10/2013 23:23

What a day! A and e with my dad breathing bad in the night pain and tingles In his arm. After spending all day in the heart ward he was ok said bad panic attack. Scary time. Sad been a scary day again. He had the panic attack in bed. I got the phone call in the morning 7 am
What a day!!

Waterlego thinking of you my love. We are right by your side.

Hi everyone else hope your not too bad today xx

mummylin2495 · 20/10/2013 00:43

Oh my gd what a fright, glad it's a antic attack and not anything worse, you must be exhausted tonight , go on to bed and have some well earned rest

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mummylin2495 · 20/10/2013 11:21

Antic attack =panic attack ! Seems I have invented a new illness

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waterlego6064 · 20/10/2013 15:41

t How scary; really glad your dad is ok. xxx

Thanks all for your kind posts. My dear mum died at 8am today. She had fought a very hard battle indeed but she slipped away very peacefully with my brother and me by her side.

So. Two parents gone in just over 10 weeks. Not sure yet what the rest of my life will look like but I can only take one day at a time.

Much love to you all. xxx

mummylin2495 · 20/10/2013 16:11

Oh how sad for you waterlego .very sorry to hear this. What a hard time you are going through. I hope your mums passing was as peaceful as could be. It goes without saying that we are all here for you.i am so glad that she got to see your dads ashes scattered. Maybe that was what she was waiting for. In my thought x

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supermariossister · 20/10/2013 18:39

so sorry waterlego, been thinkin of you and wishing it was as peaceful as possible for your dear mum..I'm so glad that she got to spread some of your dad's ashes and see that happen perhaps that is what she was holding on for. much love to you tonight.

t875 · 20/10/2013 19:06

Love and light to you waterlego. I am so sorry to hear about your mum my thought are with you and your family. I am very saddened for you. Lovely she got to see the ashes scattered. They are together now waterlego although I'm sure it doesn't take the horrendous sadness you must be feeling. Huge hugs to you. Xxx

t875 · 20/10/2013 19:07

I feel really guilty to post about my dad as some of you have lost both. Do u guys still mind!?

I will b back in a bit to catch up. Hope your all going along best you can xx

waterlego6064 · 20/10/2013 19:08

Thank you ladies. Yes, I am sure mum was holding on to scatter dad's ashes; she seemed to go downhill very quickly after that. The ending was very peaceful; my brother and I stroked her hair and whispered our love and thanks for her and then she just slipped away.

Not quite sure what to do with myself...have just been sorting out the DCs' art cupboard and spent a peaceful half hour sitting on the kitchen floor sharpening pencils...grief moves in mysterious ways!

Much gratitude to you for your kind thoughts. Hope you are all getting on ok. x

Badvoc · 20/10/2013 19:12

Lego...you and your dear mum have been in my thoughts lots today.
I'm so very sorry but am thankful her passing was so peaceful and you and your brother were by her side.
X

supermariossister · 20/10/2013 19:32

T i cant speak for everyone but i dont mind, he is on your mind. We are all here to help us get our thoughts out and speak to people who understand what it is like to lose a parent and shouldnt feel guilty about talking about any aspect of our lives. I am happy to hear about other peoples mums and i wouldnt expect them not to talk about them because i am not lucky enough to still have mine perhaps other people feel this way. As i said to my nan today i may of only had my mum for 45 years but i am so glad that she was mine and i would never of wished for anyone else it is just one of those things the world moves in mysterious ways i guess.
just finished writing a dedication to go in the paper for mums birthday, god it sucks. wish i was buying her a chocolate cake and taking her out to dinner.

supermariossister · 20/10/2013 19:35

Oh and am also still raging that some complete and utter ... well there arent any words has really upset my sister. she used to be friends with mum but hasnt spoken to us in over 10 years didnt come to funeral ect but spoke to my sister while she was in work serving customers about how sad it all was, how tragic and how we must really struggle. she then told her that because mums passing was so quick she may be "stuck between life and the afterlife and be desperately trying to contact us but as none of us had gone to a psychic we wouldnt know" made my sister feel as though she was being selfish by not attending a psychic. fuming on her behalf she has a customer facing role and couldnt tell her to feck off.

mummylin2495 · 20/10/2013 19:56

No Tas supermario has said , I personally have no qualms about you posting about your dad. This thread is all about giving some comfort and support in all aspects of the grief and sorrow we face when a death occurs . I think we have all been on here long enough to know each other quite well now and there should be no barriers about what we want to discuss. We can be sad. Happy , cross, whatever you feel at the time you post.
waterlego it sounds like your mum was very peaceful and I am very glad to see this, I hope this will bring you some comfort. Take care of yourself Thanks

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Badvoc · 20/10/2013 20:00

T...I post about other family members! My mum, my aunt...
It's fine by me.
Panic attacks are horrid, my mum had them for years.
Take care of yourself x

waterlego6064 · 20/10/2013 20:03

t I think we crossed posts... No, of course we don't mind...you post whenever and however you need to. This place is a lifeline to so many of us, and there is no criteria for joining in, other than the loss of a parent. xxxx

waterlego6064 · 20/10/2013 20:07

supermario Excuse my French, but f*cking hell...I can't believe what that woman said to your sister. How utterly toxic. I hope you are not going to use up any precious time or energy giving it any more thought. Hugs for you and your sister.

supermariossister · 20/10/2013 20:13

my sister did well not to throw a tin of beans at her..some people have strange ideas about what's acceptable to say. how are you Lego ? see t lota of people who think the same as me, I don't get to say that oftenGrin and you too badvoc how are things ? Linn how are you doing this week x