Hello all, thank you for the hugs and kind thoughts.
We had an amazing day on Thursday. We were burying Dad's ashes and mum so wanted to be there- the staff at the hospice told us they thought she'd been hanging on for that day. In the event, she was far too poorly to come out of the hospice, do my brother and I were given permission to bring a small amount of the ashes to the hospice and scatter them there with mum. We were able to wheel her out into the woodland in the sunshine to scatter the ashes, and I read a poem mum had chosen. Mum wore the pearl earrings dad has bought her for her birthday. It was lovely, and I think it gave mum some peace and a sense of resolution.
In the afternoon, we took the main bulk of the ashes to the burial ground and met all my aunties there. It was very informal and simple. The sun shone and we looked at the beautiful views of the hills and the sky. My uncle played his bagpipes and we read some poems. My auntie read 'Sea Fever', (my dad was a keen sailor). As we listened, I felt a warm breeze gust through, and I felt that Dad was with us somehow, telling us it was a great day for sailing! I don't have a religious belief, or believe in any life after death, but that was the first time I've felt any sort of 'presence' like that, and it was comforting.
When I visited mum yesterday, she had noticeably deteriorated from the day before. At one point, she was in pain and she cried out 'No! No!' She sounded like a little child. It was heartbreaking. I really, really don't want her to go, but we are at the point now where I am ready to see her set free from her suffering. She has fought this so hard, with such courage and determination. I hope she can let go soon.
Sending love to all and hope that the weekend brings happy things your way.