Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Oh waterlego that is heartbreaking for you. I can't imagine how on earth you are coping with all this pain. It's almost too much for you to bear isn't it. Please don't worry about posting, just do it when it's possible we all understand you have so much on your plate at the moment.i hope the hospice has made your mum as comfortable as possible. Will be thinking of you tomorrow whilst you have the sad final thing you will be doing for your dad .
ssd I think you have had a really bad deal in regards your family and lack of support and I'm not surprised it has affected you so badly. In the circumstances you have done extremely well.there is another group who help the bereaved but I'm not sure if its just for parents who have lost a child, my mum went to it when my sister died, it's called compassionate friends, maybe you can find them on the web and see if they could help you.
supermario you do have friends, we are on this thread !! We are all joined by the same awful reason and relate to each other . That's what friends are, and friends will always listen, that's what we all do.
t875 I would love to of been there at your meet up with biscuits but you never know if I may have to be in your ten in the next few weeks for one reason or another, I will let you know
notswimming I hope you will find some kind of comfort here , it has been so good to be able to relate to what others are feeling and going through.RL I found to be not as I would of expected. I found that after a couple of weeks , people sort of expected me to be back to normal which of course is ludicrous. But they all go back to their real lives and we are left to grieve.
crazykat I hope your mum is getting on ok and that she is still in reasonable health at the moment.
badvoc how is your aunt getting on ? And how s your mum coping now has she made a decision about the house yet ?
friendofdorothy thinking of you, hope you are ok,
To everyone , thinking of you all.
Ps thefarside thinking of you especially, I know you are doing the same thing as me now it's coming up to the awful dates , In my thoughts

Lego...darling, you and your dear mum are on my thoughts xxxxx
Lin...my aunt is back at hospital today and then again on Saturday. It's a bit relentless ATM.
Think on of you All x

waterlego, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through, am thinking of you and your dear mum xxx

and a big hi to all of us and thanks for all the messages of support I've had xxxx

and thanks for recommending that website mummylin, I'll google it.

I think the thing that'll always stay with me regarding this whole thing is the way bereavement has a massive impact on us and it hardly touches others. My bereavement has created a massive gulf in my feelings to my siblings, they are lost to me now. I honestly wouldn't care if I never seen them again, it would be a relief. I knew they wouldn't feel as much as me when mum died, I was just miles closer to mum, but I never ever expected them to feel so little, and to have such little sympathy towards me. That's what has shocked me the most, I can sort of understand friends or colleagues not knowing how I felt, although to be fair most of them have been great, but for my own siblings to not have a clue about me just shocks me to my core. I have always believed family should just be there for each other, not on top of each other, but just knowing where you are from and not forgetting it. But for them never to ask me "how are you", I don't know, to me they are lacking basic human feelings and if that's so, I don't need them in my life. Life is too short to have people in it who make you question the whole of humanity. For some reason I just expected my siblings to be like me and have basic feelings about things, but I was wrong and way off the mark. Isn't that strange.

(I'm sorry to rehash this same old thing all the time, its just my way of dealing with it and processing it in my mind, writing it all down here really helps get it out)

ds parents evening tonight, came out wanting to tell mum everything so she could be as proud of him as she always was but obviously I can't. tonight is one of those life sucks nights bad mood central but.incredibly proud of ds who despite everything he's had to see is a superstar

Tell us instead supermario, we will share in your pride at your ds. It's shit isn't t when we want to tell our mums everything and we can't. Just heart rending. I share your pain x

Yeah we'll done supermario son! What an achievement after his loss. It's crap them times and I still find it hard my tiny comfort is i like to believe she's there listening. X

Mummylin - yes!! Would love to meet so come on down here and visit!

Waterlego - thinking of you and we are right with you. Huge hugs. Xx

Ssd - hi Hun. Ill pm you anyway but I 2nd mummylin you should pat yourself on the back you have done well. And always here. And that's good you write it down gets it out what I've done before is wrote out everything I'd like to say to the person annoying me then delete it. Although in one persons case I sent it

Biscuits - will be back to you! Hope you are going along ok Hun xx

Swimming - my thoughts go out to you. Come here anytime you are not in your own! Xx

Badvoc, fod, crazycat, snowflake, anyone I've missed sorry on catch up after work for the week.
Thinking of you all hope you are all going along Best you can.

Frustrating at the moment for me - my dad is back and forth wether he stays at our family home because of students moved in next door. They seem ok even passed their numbers to him etc. but one minute he's saying about moving, then it's wether he keeps the cat, then it's his ailments. I love him beyond recognition but I just had to air. I really hope you all don't mind. I feel bad too after people with losses of both.

How are the members on here getting on with who's been left behind? My dads struggling on and off at the moment it's very hard to see it xx

hey all , I think its harder to support the partners mums husband isn't the same at all , he comes round now and again. I don't think he will meet anyone else it took him long enough to find mum. she was one of few who understood him. thanks for the support about ds he is chuffed with his parents evening, makes me proud that other people see him for the funny little boy that he is, she says he will be on the stage had a dream about mum last night and a shockingly bad morning at home so hoping for a better day how are you all

Ahh thats nice supermario
I had a dream about my mum it blew me away.
She was in the shop she worked at.
I shouted mum
She come to me we hugged, I said live you she said love you too, I said miss you she said I miss you too, I said are you happy she said yes.
I said is nanny and g dad ok ( in heaven) she said yes they are fine. - I actually felt like she come to me in my dream.
I have dreamt a few times since but there was no talking.

I love it when I dream about her
Do u want to share your dream super Mario? Love your name by the way - I'm old school gaming Nintendo child xx

That is strange t875 that in some of your dreams your mum hasn't spoken, that s what happened to me too as I mentioned before. Well this time two years ago I was with my mum in Barcelona untilthe 21st, we had no idea of the horror that was going to happen a few days after we returned home, beginning to get stressed out thinking about it now.i cannot believe it will soon be two whole years and I don't feel very much different from when it first happened . It just seems so recent still .
Busy day today as its "out for breakfast day " there are six of us now including two of my brothers and today there will be seven because I have my lovely granddaughter here too. Then it's back here for afternoon of chat !

Supermario you are right to feel proud of your sons achievements . Well done to him.makes you feel so good when others praise your child at school.How is your mums little garden doing. Have all the plants died off now ?

Just call me t mummylin and all we can drop the 875

Yeah it's weird. I had that one dream which I loved and took comfort. The last one we were altogether me my dad her and my brother at a garage we used to go to the little shop at the bottom of their road. It's no longer there now. But we were all there together and was wearing a blue suit. It's funny but all my dreams are the look of my mum 2 years ago when she was fuller in the face which I loved. If say from 2011 and especially Christmas 2011 she didn't look well but we never would have known till I looked back at the pics.
Have a nice breakfast! Day off for me and looking forward to feet up with a bit of candy crush In Between.

Wow can't believe nearly 2 years for you Hun. I'm nearly 18 months. I'm going along ok but miss her terribly and still get tough times here and there. I know she's with me/ us my guardian angel. You have a lovely day lovey. X

my dream was strange it was the way she was when she first got ill and slept all the time we were going around doing our usual daily things but had to take mum who was sleeping everywhere we went, she kept saying it was okay. it was very strange. ds is fab he makes me laugh so much , garden is pretty much empty now looks a bit bleak so might get some cut flowers for it. I don't go up to the grave much lately apart from to make sure its tidy. I hate it there it doesn't make me feel calmer my own garden does more so

Your garden sounds lovely wether it's at the cemetary or your garden that's lovely. I do more indoors lighting a candle, I buy little gifts for her shelf and get flowers from time to time. I've got a reflective area for me sit ( and talk to her sometimes) my mum was acting very strange the few months leading up to her passing. Would never have known at the time but its not till I look back she was def acting weird the day before strange conversation deep!! But again didnt know at the time though. X

Meant to add the reflective area is in the garden x

mum was also really strange before she died, I wish I had noticed earlier and spoke to her nurses but then I don't think it would of made a difference. I try to take comfort from the fact that it was never the kind of life she wanted and had she made it through she would of needed dialysis regularly and had to travel to the big.hospital weekly and that wouldn't of been what she wanted, it doesn't help much though like today.

I know what you mean. If my mum had survived atall from her stroke she would have been brain dead and would be able to do nothing and she would have hated that it wouldn't have been a life for her. But then I always wished that we had that miracle that she could have survived and not been too badly affected! My god I wanted that miracle when it happened to her!!

I think that's what you wish for, even when the doctors tell you what's going to happen you sort of think it isn't going too

God yeah I seriously went through the denial stage. Telling the consultant who's on god knows what money if you can't do anything get someone who can and fly her to America so they can save her! I bet they thought I'd lost the plot! I was soo desperate to save her. x

Im sure they have seen worse. we were taken to a little room by the consultants registrar to ask if they could do an autopsy on her before she even died because they wanted to know why it had happened so quickly ( basically they wanted for research) i reacted very badly and howled along with some choice words. i hated even going to the toilet incase she died while i wasnt there so to be called out to ask that i was raging.

My mum was In a coma and they told us she was never waking up but I couldn't leave her and went back every day and it absolutely obliterated me but I couldn't leave her. Then she passed end of the week after we left to jump home for tea we had been there all day we then got a call literally as we got home we found that very strange.

Hope everyone is going along not too bad thinking of you all x

When they came into the family room and told us that dad had died I just howled...made an inhuman noise :(
I see my aunt suffering ATM - she has no quality of life at all and is to and fro to the hospital (in fact I am taking her back tomorrow) - and I do feel a sense of relief that dad didn't suffer in that way.
I never thought I would be pushing my aunt around in a wheelchair :(

i suppose its thats contrasting thought some days i can think she wouldnt of wanted to live like she would of had too, other days im that desperate to have her with me i cant bring myself too

SM...yes :(
Some days I just want him here. Even if he only had a pulse, nothing else.
I am that selfish :(
It's all so hard.

if your that selfish badvoc then I am too. I don't think its selfish just we miss them that much