Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

Hope you have all had a pleasant weekend friendofdorothy hope you are as well as can be expected.
waterlego hope your mum has settled into the hospice and is comfortable there.
To everyone, you are all in my thoughts on this cold miserable day , I'm sure the weather affects our moods. It so much nicer when the sun is shining. It does lift your spirits a bit.

feeling bugged tonight, been shipping with my nan again she's spending fortune on Christmas but think its the only way she knows how to make it through. it hurts that she is upset most days, and there is nothing left to say other than I know, we miss her too. she left a huge hole behind :(

It's awful for a mum to have to grieve for her daughter , my mum had to go through it too. She never ever got over it .

Yeah my aunty lost my cousin in a road accident at the age of 24 and she hasn't got over it. ?? It shook us all up bad.

My dad isn't great at the moment. He can't devide wether he wants to move out. He is struggling and so lonely. I wish I could say the right words to help him. He said I did I did help last night but I'm not sure how I did. His knee is playing him up. He has a MRI Saturday to look at it. It's stopping him from doing gardening which he loves. ?? Feel for him.

Thinking of you all x

We buried Mum on Friday and had a service of celebration on Saturday - we reckon about 400 people turned up and it was a lovely service.

Yesterday about 25 of my close family all came down with a D&V bug. Whilst The Mister, Little Mister and I aren't too bad we all feel a bit off colour and The Mister is working nights.

I had a reasonable nights sleep but kept waking up thinking Mum was dead in my bed. I am missing her so much this morning because I just want to phone her for a chat.

Please pray for strength and health for all of us today. I just want to cry.

Dorothy, I'm so sorry. I know how much you're hurting and I just want to offer you a hug and a cuppa. xx

t875, I feel the same as you, some people will forever be lost to me now, I'll never feel the same about them now, no matter how much time passes. And that's lovely seeing the numberplate with DAD on it, things like that aren't just coincidences to me, theres a reason for it all. Would you mind pming me with any of the advice the counsellor gave you, cruse still hasn't phoned me yet and I'm giving up, I don't know what to do, when I phoned them they said just to wait. And your poor dad, I just want to hug him , same for supermarios gran

mummylin, I really hope the thieves get their comeuppance and karma gets them, they are scum for doing that.Stuff like that really makes me sick!!

Ssd...have you tried phoning the local hospice service?
They have seen my sister really quickly.
FOD...I am thinking of you today x
My brother hasn't been to see dads headstone even though he has been to mums twice since it was put up.
I am past caring.
I feel so ill/tired all the time.
I had ordered a shed load of supplements in an effort to make myself feel better....we will see.
The dreadful weather suits my mood today!

i had an amazing meeting today with biscuits. It was so great to meet face to face and she is as lovely in rl as she is on the board.

We had so many crazy things in common we were both blown away.
Will definitely look forward to meeting again very soon! xx

Ssd have pm'd you hun. Please remember you are not on your own, we are all there for you, and im always there on PM, you are doing really well and have come so far!!

Badvoc, mariosister, crazy cat, waterlego, snowflake (how are you) vlad, mummylin hope your all going along the best you can. Lets hope for sunshine tomorrow!! xx

Oh! How I would love to meet you all! :(
Am going to take mum into town today.
We both need to get out and see some sunshine and it seems today is the on,y day without rain this week!

glad you got to meet up, it would be nice wouldnt it. i dont think i have many friends anymore even though i still talk to them much as id like to i cant forget that they werent there for me when i needed them. dp drives me round the bloody bend a lot of the time but im not sure what i would of done without him that couple of weeks and i still cant quite make myself want to be a good friend to people who shirked off contacting me just because it was difficult to them. not in a bitter way i dont think just in a general our lives are too different now. it would be nice to meet you all. glad you are getting out badvoc the sunshine is nice here today too although it isnt warm its certaintly bright

T875 is also absolutely lovely! She's so wise with her words and advice if that makes sense? The coincidences were crazy! I found it so good to talk to someone who knows how I'm feeling as I don't have many friends in rl, and the ones I do have still have both parents so have no idea how I'm feeling and don't even mention mum and dad.

I hadn't said on here but I had a really low couple of days a few weeks back so I phoned cruse to arrange a counselling session, they gave me an appointment for the end of November. Because I've been "ok" since I was thinking of cancelling it but t875 said I should go anyway and I think she's right, it won't do any harm to go and chat with them.

FriendofDorothy Hope you are doing ok today and are all feeling better. I also had the feeling that my dad was next to me in bed for a few weeks after he'd passed away. Just last night I woke up and couldn't work out if I was in my own house or mum and dads

ssd I'd second what badvoc suggested about seeing if your local hospice offers bereavement counselling {hugs} to you.

wow, wish I'd been able to meet up with your girls, that would have been great! glad you both had a great time!!

I don't even know if we have a local hospice, I'm not sure. I don't know what to do about cruse either. I don't know if a counsellor would make me feel better, I just don't know anymore...

That's how i feel too ssd.
I am really glad that my sis has got her assessment next week. I hope it helps her...but....
I would just be wasting their time.
They can't help me.
I will feel guilty for the rest of my life for not being able to save my dad.
Its a hard load, but it's mine to bear.

see badvoc, I truly believe when your times up, your times up, and nothing we can do will change it, I feel our lives are mapped out for us before it even starts and we can only make the best of the time we have. I know saying that wont make a difference but I hope so a bit. I cant tell you to feel differently, maybe that comes in time, if it ever comes at all. I'm sorry you feel like this, I really do.

with me, its the utter lack of support from my siblings that eats away at me, the utter lack of any care towards me, or thought towards mum. Its coming to terms with the fact I lost the only person in the world who cared about me and my kids, there is no one else and that's hard to take. dh does care, I mean family, blood family. my blood family ended when mum died.

I suppose bereavement means different things to each of us, but at least we can all support each other here. xxx

That's so sad ssd.
I'm sorry you feel so alone.
{hugs}

I didn't think the counselling would help me, but they really help you through all them stages, i had the what ifs, denial, shock, and they really helped me..i didn't think i needed it, but my word i didn't realize how much i'd bottled up with everything..things i couldn't talk to my dad about, my brother, my husband even. So for me it really helped. I couldn't and would skirt around talking about my mum in hospital after her stroke but this all come out more when i went. My friend said she was really worried about me as every time i would talk about what happened id go..yeah anyway cant go there.. Plus i was feeling very panicky and anxious with the shock i think. But I still get struggling times too where it kills me and feel like i go back right to when it happened.

We are all different though but for me it helped and thought what have i got to lose.

Big hugs badvoc, its so very hard hun, where did you go to today? We had nice weather here, rain back tomorrow i think!!
ssd - always big hugs to you too. Hope tomorrow will be a little brighter hun, always here xx

Mummylin - How are you doing hun? Hope your going along ok! What have you been up too, hugs if needed xx

Biscuits - as I said in Pm was so lovely to meet you, lovely lady, you helped me too with your wise words and the coincidences crazy!!! {{hugs}}

Hi to you all

I just wanted to introduce myself, have met ssd on a thread I started and she recommended this one. So many things mentioned by all the grieving people here strike a chord with me, I must confess I haven't yet read through every page but I feel so lonely today I thought I'd say hi anyway.

In short I lost my dad in January which was awful and shocking but there was little choice but to carry on. My mum died when I was a child. I am not sure I belong here because though I don't think I have come to terms with my dad going what has really knocked me for six is that my brother has just passed away. The funeral is on Monday.

I feel so lost. I find it so hard to believe that I have just returned from the school run and yet again not one person has asked me how I am doing. I feel like some Oscar Wilde farce, lose one person and people will support you but if you lose two in the space of ten months well then that really is just carelessness.

A couple of close friends and my sister have been great, so there is some support there. But I find it so hard that people who were there for me ten months ago are ignoring what has happened at a time when I feel I need help more than I ever have.

I am so sorry to read all of the stories of people cast adrift without their loved ones. But it is a comfort to know there is somewhere to go to express my inconvenient emotions.

I'm so sorry for your loss notswimming.
What an awful time for you.
I know what you mean about people not asking how you are.
My dad died 11 weeks ago and my own vicar hasn't even asked me how I am, or phoned, nothing....
I feel very bitter and hurt tbh.
It's so strange how we just "get on with it" - the school run, dr appts, grocery shopping...but it doesn't mean we are ok, or "over it" or "feeling better"...
Your emotions aren't inconvenient. They are true and important. Hugs x

I'm so glad you have come here notswimming, I really think being able to express your emotions will help you and make you realise not everyone is ignoring you or making you feel like your emotions are awkward or inconvenient. How unfair you feel like this, but most of us here will understand that, we all have the face we put on.. along with the cheery voice saying "we're fine", when behind closed doors we just crumble. I'm so sorry for your losses, that must be so very hard to bear. I cant understand people thinking you don't need support now, but I've experienced similar, its one of the mystifying things about being bereaved. Even people you'd have sworn would have been there with a kind word like badvoc's vicar ignoring what's happened, , I just don't get it. In my family there's someone who did bereavement counselling for cruse...and have they phoned me once?? NO!!!

unbelievable that we get more sympathy and comfort from virtual strangers than we get from our own families.

guess that's just human nature, I've found the old saying "blood's thicker than water" to be a load of crap!

Hello notswimming I understand how it is to lose a sibling. I too have lost one of mine . I lost my sister when she was only 26 and expecting her second baby. Hw sad for you that you have had two massive losses in the space of a sort time. I myself lost my beloved grandad only 12 weeks before my sister and it was an awful time for us all as a family. But over time the grief is nowhere as terrine as it was. My sisters death had a huge impact as we shared a birthday, although we weren't the same age and t took a few years before I would celebrate my own birthday again. I am sorry you are going through this very sad time, but please don't feel you can't post here. You are very welcome. We will all support you as much as we can. Fr the funeral To help me cope my doctor actually gave me a sedative to just get me through the day and I have to say it helped enormously. I did find that there wasnt a lot of thought given to any of our siblings when this happened, the sympathy was all directed to the parents. But we as siblings siblings were all grieving too.in saying that now that I have lost my mum, I am the same as most people on here and found a lot of people who I thought would be supportive are not. I don't knw why they are like this. Maybe they prefer to say nothing rather than say the wrong thing, I just don't know. You have my deepest sympathies.
t875 yes I am ok, but getting a bit agitated as the dreaded days get closer. I am now going though the " two years ago we were getting ready to go on holiday etc " glad you and biscuits finally met up, I won't be coming up there at all now as my sister coming back here, we could of met in the cafe in the little shopping area !
Thinking of you all on this horrible rainy day

Thanks badvoc and I am very sorry you lost your father. I find it so hard to understand why your vicar would behave that way, surely a call or a kind word would be elemental to him.

ssd hi again. I sort of feel like doing something crazy to make people pay attention. Not that I would of course, as I will be too busy putting my 'fine' face on. I read somewhere, maybe even on here that dressing in mourning served a great purpose to the bereaved, allowing them respect and room to be treated with sensitivity. It seems an attractive proposition. I don't think I hate said this on the other thread but I am really sorry for the loss of your mum.

And thank you mummylin, It must have been dreadful to lose your sister and grandfather in such a short period and I am sorry that you have lost your mum. Life can be so cruel, which is why we really need those around us to step in. I think it is brilliant that this thread exists or I might severely try the patience of the few people I feel I can talk to in rl.

I feel as though everything will be ok if the sun manages to come out this afternoon, just a few rays.

Thank you.
I had a few tears last night :(
It's supposed to be nice and sunny tomorrow...and I have to take ds1 to his paed appt! Grrr.

Hello everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been here for a while. Not been online much, but I've missed you lot! I must admit that I haven't read back to catch up on everyone's news, and I'm sorry for that. But please know that I have thought of you all often and wondered how you were all getting along.

A sad welcome to newbies.

notswimming I'm very sorry to read that you have lost both your dad and your brother this year. I can't imagine losing my sibling, my heart goes out to you. And also sorry to see that people are not acknowledging your loss...how hurtful. I hope you find some small comfort in this lovely thread.

My Mama is dying. She is in her last days now. Tomorrow, we are due to inter dad's ashes and I think mum has been holding on for that. Unfortunately she is too poorly to come out of the hospice, even for an hour, so my brother and I are going to take some of the ashes to the hospice and scatter them in the grounds there. I am hoping this will give mum the closure she needs so that she can let go and be released from this savage disease. Tonight when I left her, I gave her a kiss and said 'you'll be free soon mum...you can fly like a bird'. She smiled and looked as though the idea was giving her some peace. My poor mum has suffered so much.

I will l try and get on here more regularly. Love to all. xxxx

sorry to see you joining us swimming but you will find support here and people to listen.

waterlego that is both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time, sending you strength to get through the next through days.