Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

[mummylin2495]

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

SM...I have been gargling with soluble co codamol and that does seem to help.
I am coughing up gunk now to which is delightful.
I am worried about my sister...it was my nephews b day tea tonight and she burst to tears in her kitchen :(
She has asked for a contact for bereavement counselling that I have.
She is off to the gp tomorrow for ADs I think.
I might get the dc to make a pottery something for dads grave...what do you think? We have a paint a pit place in the village I could use....

Hi everyone.

Mummylin. Hope its going well with the new bathroom. Is it all done? What show is it your going too?
Thinking if you. Hope your going along ok.

Hope everyone gets better soon who is ill.
Thinking of you all and hug to you all if needed. X
So sorry just jumping in quickly so busy getting ready for eldests party Saturday for her school mates.
And family party Tuesday.
Hi ssd, badvoc, biscuits, snoozy, marshy, Dorothy and anyone I've missed. Thinking of you all x

Badvoc sounds like you need abutibiotics. I've heard that green gunk is infection. See how you go with it.
The pottery idea sounds nice. I'm sure your dad will love it too.

Your poor sister I cried in the kitchen on my mums birthday a few weeks back. Just hits ya doesn't it.
Hope you feel better soon xx

Hi T :)
Hope he party goes well...it seems to be party season ATM!
I'm worried it's an infection too but I am allergic to penicillin and others like metronidazole so I really avoid taking ABs unless I have no choice...the ones I have to take (like cefalexin) have really nasty side effects :(
It's my b day next Tuesday. The first without my lovely dad. I honestly don't know how I will get through the day....

Hi all. Not long back. It was the " billy fury story" which if you don't know 60,s music you may not of heard of him.
t785 no plaster. No tiles. Half floor up. No bath., no sink , no loo apart from that its all done

On a serious note hope all the ill people are feeling better, it seems to be going around to lots of people thinking of you all , off to put pj,s on and read the newspaper

Wow coincidence badvoc you and my daughter are the same birthday!!

I am the same with allergic to penicillin my mum was very allergic so they assumed I was too. I always have coproflaxin which always works great for me. Although I'm he'll bent on trying absolutely everything first

Hope you get a good nights sleep! We ordered her banner ( she's 13) and the shopping order tonight.
Just gotta Hoover etc.
I really still miss my mum but it has got a tiny but easier that dark cloud that's hung around and st times pulled me down ( well still does on and off ) but I don't know what's wrong me the lack of tolerance I've got is crazy! I'm bitter and my god I have seen so many who I thought were special friends I have seen these in a different light.

Mummylin I'd get that whip out tomorrow!! glad you enjoyed the show!!

So hard badvoc without them there for birthdays. Even this year has been although I was 40! He would want you too Hun I think that's what pushed me through getting through mine. My mum would kick my arse big time. But then my god it's very sad. Do something your dad would love U to do. Or maybe a light a candle on the day.
We will be here for you x

Thank you x

Morning everyone!

Sorry haven't posted in past couple of days, have a terrible cold and it's not shown signs of getting better yet

I'm still thinking of you all

And badvoc I second t875 's advice

vlad I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage! Thank you for sharing your story though and I think you're right your mum will be looking after your little one

Hello everyone, hope you are all coping ok. What a miserable day it's been here, nothing but rain , rain and mre rain !
t875 my sister has found her house here, so should be moving back hopefully before Xmas !

I'm glad your sister is coming back mummylinn. we are all okay my aunt is really annoying me but she has done for years so don't think that will change soon other than that everyone is good ds has started asking what we will do for nannas birthday which I haven't decided yet and that he wants to leave white flowers there at christmas mum would like that. I am also going to break the rules and peg one of his new school pictures to the tree for mum even though it will probably get me a telling off

Lin...that's great news. So pleased for you x
SM...rules are made to be broken, surely? :)
My siblings have both gone to the gp and got ADs. Mum and I don't want to - yet. My sister has also phoned the counselling service.
Dh back today...hurrah! :)

hi girls, so sorry to read there' s lots of you feeling unwell, there's so many viruses going round here too, my kids had it but luckily I'm ok. I try to remember to take a multi vit, I think it does help as I don't have the best diet, I hate cooking and avoid veg ....hopefully you'll all start to feel a bit better soon.

well me and dh are talking again, he apologised and that's that. I know I'm a bit well, emotional with him just now. Since mum died I feel I've lost my family and all I have is dh and the kids, so when I fall out with dh I feel I've lost everything and it panics me and it gets blown out of all proportion for me. I know I'm doing this but I cant help it. Without dh and the kids I've got no one, no siblings/aunts or uncles/etc etc, so I pin too much on him. I cant help it but I recognise what I'm doing. Hopefully as time goes on I'll stop feeling so alone but without knitting a blood family for myself I don't see how things will ever change, I know I need to try to change myself.

badvoc, the pottery for your dads grave sounds lovely, that's a great idea. and supermario, I'd put something there and see what you can get away with. my mums ashes were scattered somewhere lovely but so far I'm the only one to visit there, mind you nothing new there. anyway enough of that! mummylin I hope you get your bathroom sorted, you'll probably take so much mess then start yelling!!

and a big happy birthday to everyone big and small with a birthday coming up xx

Hello everyone, just trying to catch up with all your news.

Sorry to hear there's so much illness about at the moment :( Hope all the poorly folk (snoozy, supermario, Badvoc, vlad...and anyone else) are feeling better soon.

supermario My dad's resting place is also a natural burial ground and all the plaques are wooden and a regulation size. There are also rules about what can be left on the plots- nothing that isn't biodegradable basically. We can plant flowers on the plot but they have to be native to the UK. For dad's plaque, mum has chosen a quote which comes from the last line of a Pam Ayres poem called 'Woodland Burial'. The line is: 'I'll be tall and standing strongly in the beauty of the sun'.

vlad Lovely to imagine your DD in her fairy costume at the graveyard. I can imagine the sight of her lifted people's spirits. I loved 'The Red Tent', so moving. Though I did have to keep flipping back to the family tree at the beginning...Biblical familial relationships were so complicated

Badvoc I laughed out loud at your comment about shopping for headstones. :) We found it similarly surreal browsing the coffin brochure at the funeral directors. Mum was looking at one brochure and my brother and I had the other. Every so often there'd be a murmured 'Ooooh, this one's beautiful, page 7'. Hahahah! I think my Dad would really have laughed at that.

I can understand how you feel about your birthday. In the 8 weeks since we lost dad, we have had his birthday, mine, and my DD's. The bit I have found the hardest was receiving a birthday card signed from 'Mum'. Just mum. Not the Mum and Dad that have been there for 36 years. Do you have plans for your birthday?

t875 Badvoc is all about the birthday coincidences- she shares hers with your DD, and her DS and my DD also share a birthday :)
I'm with you on the lack of tolerance and sometimes feelings of bitterness too.

mummylin So glad you enjoyed the show :) How's the bathroom looking now?

ssd Glad you and OH are ok now, and that he apologised. I think it's no surprise that bereavement can greatly affect our other relationships. I hope you can be kind to yourself and not expect too much from yourself. I'm sure your relationship will adjust in its own time, as long as your OH is patient with you.

Hope everyone is doing ok today. x

t875 Sorry...my comment to you looks a bit weird! 2nd line reads as though it is connected to Badvoc's birthday coincidences, but I was responding to what you had said about your tolerance levels. I have been feeling bitter about a few things; some of which I just can't even admit to because they're horrible. I am trying to tell myself that it's not how
I really feel, it's just my grief.

nice to hear from you : ) i do like the woodland aspect as in we can plant our own things as long as they are woodland but it frustrates me that ds wants to leave things that matter to him and he cant. hm not doing to badly at the minute but keeping really busy. my aunt has not contacted by nan and grandad since the end of august, am so annoyed with her. but then i didnt expect anything else as neither has my uncle.

Lego...it's is surreal isn't it? :)
Like when the funeral director asked us about what dad would wear...I asked what the norm was (being clueless) and he said a suit.
I said we can't put dad in a suit...he hated them! So then he said well we can do a satin gown and my sister laughed so much she had to leave the room! :)
The idea of my dad in a satin gown like a choirboy!
Such a good job we can still smile isn't it? X
I have no plans for my b day yet. It feels wrong to make any somehow iyswim?

SM...my brother has been rather conspicuous by his absence from mums so I can understand your hurt and anger.
It's odd...even when people behave exactly as they always have, it still hurts x

have come to the conclusion that some people are just selfish twunts who will only show up when there is a crisis or they are gaining something. doesnt make it piss me off any less though. often want to say on facebook o btw your mum and dad are fine not that you ever ask you selfish bag. i restrain myself as it would upset my grandad

I get the bitterness too well.....could go on with stories that would make anyone normal gasp...but like t875 I'm much more resentful and bitter towards certain people now....and I hate it, wish it would just go away and I could forget they exist.

talking about birthday coincidences, I share a birthday with t875's beloved mum and my mum and her mum share a name!

And badvoc wrote something this week that was actually my father in laws name and is my surname !
I have to agree with everyone about people not being as helpful or sympathetic as we thought they may of been. I have had a lot of support from my siblings. But why do none of them ever take flowers to my mum and sister apart from birthdays or anniversaries. Why don't they go and check to see if they need new flowers put there. I don't mind doing it but do feel that we should all go, at least every now and again . No- one ever says here's some flowers for mum can you take them over, just nothing at all ! And as some of you know I don't talk to my neighbour at all now since he completely ignored my mums death after he has known her for so long and she knitted for his dd when he was left on his own and had no money to buy anything.
I understand how everyone feels. Human beings can be a very odd bunch.
waterlego bath moved into place today but not quite ready to use . DH is up there now as there was a small leak ! Will take another couple of weeks I reckon to be completely finished.

they can be very odd, you're right mummylin, on my mums first anniversary I heard nothing from my siblings, they obviously forgot....how can you forget the day your mum dies????!!!!

Lin...my brother has not been to dads grave yet.
He also did not come to the interment of dads ashes.
I honestly think it's part of the reason he is struggling so much now with sleep etc...all these things are a normal part of grieving and are important to experience. Not pleasant, but necessary.
What a lot of coincidences! :)
Am so glad I have you all to talk to. Perhaps another reason my siblings are struggling...they dont have you! :)

It's all very strange badvoc I don't understand it at all . I haven't said anything to my siblings apart from my sister who dosent live here. But even when she comes back home she dosent go either ! One of my brothers bought a beautiful vase which says mum on it. I never use it in case he goes up to put flowers and I use all the vases, hence it stays empty ! Which seems stupid to me really. I always do the two vases that are built in on mums and the built in one on my sisters too. I like to go as I promised my mum I would always see to my sisters, no- one ever went there either apart from me and mum. Actually my sister now has more flowers than ever because when I do mums I do hers too and I go regularly every other week and will continue to do that . So I will just carry on with what I have been doing.