Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Walking together on a journey - sharing experiences, tears, anger and sometimes even laughter. United we stand, divided we fall.

972 replies

shabbatheGreek · 23/07/2013 10:10

This special thread was started in 2008. Its a special place - one which nobody would ever willingly come to. I hope we pay tribute to our lost children by helping each other. xxxx

OP posts:
lavandes · 07/12/2013 22:33

HI ladies xx

Well here we go again, the dreaded month of December is upon us yet again. This is the 4th Christmas we will endure without our precious son, sometimes I cannot believe it has happened but it has and we must get through it and we will. We must all remember that although this Christmas is not looked forward to it is only a few weeks and we will all come through it, it WILL pass. If I did not believe that I would give up but I haven't. We will get through this time together xxx

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 08/12/2013 08:41

Morning girls xx

We certainly will get through it together Lavandes Smile xx

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 08/12/2013 08:58

Hello there, Shabba, lavandes, and loveanddeath.

Lavandes - I know what you mean about how incomprehensible it is that Richard is not here for yet another Christmas. To me, it becomes ever more bizarre and strange that Mia isn't with us. In my head, she is. I want to shout and say "Enough already!" If only that would change things...

Loveanddeath - yes, that first year when Mia had died, I also felt I was leaving her behind as we moved forward into 2012. I was absolutely distraught.

How do you all recognise your children on Christmas Day? We will put up Mia's stocking, and perhaps have some toys for Finn and her little cousin from her. Last year, my family all wrote messages to her and popped them inside her stocking. Of course I cried. We will be with MrMia's family this year, and they aren't really sentimental like that. Hmm

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 08/12/2013 09:58

We all sit together on Christmas Day with those stupid 'pin on smiles' - its exhausting!!! I always have a candle lit. On Boxing Day my eldest son, his wife and the mighty Lew come to ours and we eat ourselves sillly!! Grin For the last few years I have managed to get through the festive season but always in the back of my mind I imagine what 'could have been' if all my boys were here with us.

I imagine having to find 'emergency chairs' and wonder if I would have more grandchildren - maybe even a grand-daughter!! Now that would be a first in my family!!! I can imagine how much laughter there would be - Matt especially was a real comedian!! These thoughts used to send me running up the stairs and locking myself in the bathroom to cry.....but, now, the thoughts comfort me - if that makes any sense. I know they are here with us always - just sadly not physically.

OP posts:
LoveAndDeath · 08/12/2013 10:10

Your house would have been a bit like mine, shabs. Four boys, loads of fun, plenty of arguments too.
Except in this one, we still have someone missing. The little fairy herself, not a figurine on a windowsill but a little girl running around, pulling the baubles off the Christmas tree. And two smiles here are pinned on.

MrsDeVere · 08/12/2013 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 08/12/2013 19:23

Thanks Mrs D. xxx

OP posts:
lavandes · 08/12/2013 22:35

It is a bit complicated here. Our eldest son lives in Sydney so it is difficult, when we go there we like to take them for a break somewhere else. It is too expensive to do that at Christmas as that is their peak season so we go earlier as we did this year and it was brilliant. It is too cold here at Christmas to make it nice for them for a few weeks, they did come the first Christmas after Rich died but we would not plan for them to come in the winter again, we can have a nicer time overall in the summer or autumn. Last year we took our Grandsons to a holiday park which worked out well but this year they have plans with their other family. I did think of asking my brother and his family to come for Christmas Day but we thought about it then said NO so we are running away to Edinburgh for Christmas on our own, no-one to explain to just the two of us, we will see how it turns out .

Personally I wish Christmas could be every 10 years and not every year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lavandes · 08/12/2013 22:36

PS I did have my candle lit but I am crap at photos xx

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 09/12/2013 06:47

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 10/12/2013 08:38

Good morning girls xx

OP posts:
lavandes · 10/12/2013 10:15

Morning ladies xx

LoveAndDeath · 10/12/2013 13:47

Morning lavandes. I am not well. Have to get out of bed to collect ds4 but am feeling very sorry for myself.

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 11/12/2013 08:20

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 13/12/2013 08:39

Morning girls xx

Weirdly warm and windy here in Lancashire - very odd Hmm

OP posts:
LoveAndDeath · 13/12/2013 10:58

Very warm here too. Not at all like Christmas.

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 14/12/2013 09:58

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
cupofteaplease · 14/12/2013 22:56

Just thought I'd pop on the thread to say hello. It's getting close to Christmas but my heart is very much absent from it this year, it all feels too hard.
I hope other people are managing to get on board with the festivities more than grumpy old me!

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 15/12/2013 08:23

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 16/12/2013 07:13

Morning girls xx

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 16/12/2013 07:22

Morning everyone. Windy and wet here. Christmas tree is up, with Mia's special decorations on it too. Not right.

Shabs - how are your parents? Are they coming to yours for Christmas?

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 16/12/2013 07:47

Hiya love.

My Dad is deteriorating rapidly and Mum is so anxious, angry and sad. Went to theirs yesterday and cleaned right through the house - Mum wanted it doing for Xmas Smile Not been able to smile properly since I saw them yesterday. So sad to watch. They have come to us every christmas day for the past 13 years but Dad says he is too knackered to do it this year. I am going to get a taxi to theirs on the day and take them some food and make sure they are ok.

Thank you for asking about them xx

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 16/12/2013 18:02

Ah Shabs. Sad sometimes those pin-on smiles just don't work. Heartbreaking. Please get Tom to give you a supersize hug from me. On Christmas Dady, do you think Tom and Lew will go over with you to visit them? I know the boys have a special relationship with your parents.

Rubbish day here. Finn's little cousin has been in hospital since yesterday as she was having fits. She was diagnosed with epilepsy today. Just nine months old. Feeling sad.

LoveAndDeath · 16/12/2013 22:10

cup, I am a right old Grinch this year! I am doing my best but it's so hard when we have a missing person from the table.

Shabs, so sorry about your Dad. Could you maybe go get them, bring them over but make up a bed for your Dad so he can have a bit of dinner and then rest? At least then you and your Mum could have some family time?

Original poster
shabbatheGreek · 17/12/2013 06:51

Morning girls xx

Dad says he wants to be in his own home at Christmas. My eldest, Danny, said he will drive to mine with Lew and pick up myself and Tom. Dad has asked for some turkey broth (he cannot chew at all) and going to take Mum her own little buffet. Got Dad a TV times kind of magazine because he loves his telly - he is already circling his favourite programmes to watch over Christmas.

I have to ring the GP for him today and 'sort out the pillock!!' He wants my parents to go back to the surgery for Dads blood test results????? Why he has done blood tests for him I have no idea....he went to their house to do them but he wants my parents to go to the surgery for the results. The relief in my Dads voice when I said he is not going all that way to the surgery was incredible.

How on earth do elderly people go on who have no family around to help? They are, on the whole, ignored by society xx

OP posts: