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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Could do with some hand-holding please?

480 replies

ChubbyKitty · 20/05/2013 06:32

Horrific accident in my parents house. Mum and grandad have both gone, dad is stable, and only found one of three cats.

I'm 21, I did not expect to lose my mum this soon at all. It hasn't even sunk in properly yet, and I know when it does I will be completely destroyed. What do I even doSad

OP posts:
Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 08/08/2013 12:09

We're taking noodles and pasta packets and some bread but well probably stuff on fish and chips most of the time! My friend is on slimming world but she's letting herself off a little bit so she can join in.

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mummylin2495 · 08/08/2013 12:59

I'm sure you won't starve ! We used to take big potatoes with us and stick on the oven. That was an easy meal to do. But low you say always fish and chips

mummylin2495 · 08/08/2013 13:00

In the oven not on !

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 11/08/2013 02:25

Going home tomorrow. Thought I'd post as I have a rare bit of good signal!

I've missed DP and the cats such a lotBlush

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mummylin2495 · 11/08/2013 12:53

Hope you are having a great time and its given you a good break. I, sure you have missed them , but only another day and you will be home. You know what they say " absence makes the heart grow fonder " see you soon

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 11/08/2013 19:49

I'm home and so happy to be here! Chilling with DP now.

Got a new tattoo while I was there as wellBlush naughty

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mummylin2495 · 11/08/2013 22:23

Ooh what tat did you get ? I have 4 little ones, but I'm not having any more. I don't like the pain ! I'm a coward.
Isn't it odd. You look forward to going away , then can't wait to get back home again . There is no place like home , ever

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 11/08/2013 22:41

It's a little black heart on my shoulder. It's number 6 for meSmile

We had tattoos in common it was like our thing, and this ones quite special because of various reasons.

Just came to bed and DPs got a new one too...his is loads bigger. And he's rearranged and massively decluttered the house, and he bought me a Chinese. Someone's been busy this weekend.

It is odd about holidays. I was so excited but today I was sort of having sad moments about my mum, particularly in the arcades as we had loads of memories in Skegness from my childhood, and there were loads of things in the penny falls that I thought 'ooh I could win that for her!'

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mummylin2495 · 11/08/2013 22:47

It is little things like that , that are upsetting . Some things just trigger another memory and it makes you dad. My last one was just mum I sort of feel she is somehow still with me. I have a dolphin , a rose an my sisters name ( she died at 26 ) as I said no more for me , not to keen on this type of pain( surgery I call it ) Grin
Sounds like your DP is spoiling you tonight. He must of missed you too

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 12/08/2013 10:12

He did yeah. Slept incredibly well compared to the two nights I was there.

Just found out a friend is pregnant and it's such wonderful news.

My mum would have been bouncing off the walls as she loves babies and loves this particular couple.

I think it's good that we've now got some good news starting. Another friend had her baby yesterday as well.

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mummylin2495 · 12/08/2013 10:16

You will be getting broody with all the new babies coming ! they are so cute. Have you for your work sorted for this week. Hope you have a few shifts

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 13/08/2013 12:17

Yeah got plenty of shifts this week so not too bad. I already am, but I wouldn't want to steal any thunder off them as its such wonderful news! Not that they'd feel that way tbh.

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mummylin2495 · 13/08/2013 12:34

When I was expecting my first there were 4 of us all at different stages, it helped along the way to discuss our hopes and fears. I was so envious when the other three gave birth and it was just me left as I was so terrified ! But all was well. Glad you have work this week. Now you will be able to get back on side financially.
Anyway you ave a new bed and the saying goes " new bed , new baby " just saying Grin

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 13/08/2013 13:50

I'd never heard that saying but good to knowWink

At least if I get a bean soon I know it will have lots of friends to play with and I already get on with the mums!

Takes some of the sting out of other things a little bit. Just focussing on something positive.

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mummylin2495 · 13/08/2013 14:39

Very old saying also there is " new house new baby" well when it happens for you, it will give you a new lease of life and take away a lot of your sorrow. Babies keep you so busy you don't have time to think !

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 14/08/2013 00:00

It would certainly be such a happy thing to take away the sting of all of this. There would always be a certain sadness in it because of the circumstances but if we all went through life like that I think humanity would grind to a halt.

I've been having little crying spells again, but I feel better afterwards. We get to collect my mum soon. Not sure how I'm going to feel.

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mummylin2495 · 14/08/2013 00:27

Have you decided what you want to do with her ashes ?
Yes there would always be sadness but any future child you ave can learn all about its nan from you, by pictures, stories, tales of your childhood. Things like that, she wpnt be forgotten

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 14/08/2013 01:02

Not a clue so far. If we had the money we could get her made into a diamond but it would probably cost less to buy the entire Atlantic Ocean.

I know people have them in nice pots on the mantelpiece but what else could we do?

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mummylin2495 · 14/08/2013 02:28

I have my grandparents in my garden.
Is there a special place she liked to be where you could scatter them or do you want to keep everything together. What have you thought of so far ? But you don't have to decide right Way anyway, wait till you are ready to do something with them, there is no time limit

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 14/08/2013 12:31

She liked Whitby, we could take her there but I think a lot of us want somewhere specific we can go and reflect iyswim?

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mummylin2495 · 14/08/2013 16:37

Understand, you want somewhere you can visit her ? My friend has her dads ashes in a big garden pot with a lovely flower growing in the top. I'm sure between you , you will think of something and somewhere

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 15/08/2013 03:15

I'm sure we can all pitch ideas and figure it out. I think we're collecting her tomorrow. Pretty glad I've got a day off really.

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mummylin2495 · 15/08/2013 10:53

You have plenty of time to decide what to do, my BIL only buried his wife's ashes this year after she died 3 yrs ago . There is no time limit and you don't even have to burst he, if you don't want to. Don't decide until you are ready to.

Original poster
ChubbyKitty · 15/08/2013 15:41

I think it's going to take a while. I'm still trying to process that this has in fact happened. I still have so many questions but there's not really anyone I can ask them to because no one knows the answers.

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mummylin2495 · 15/08/2013 17:13

You have a tidally been through a horrendous time and I. An understand you wanting answers. Until you get them you won't be able to sort things out in your mind. I can't begin to imagine how awful it has been for you .