Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

sorry sound like a self absorbed twat. thinking of you all. and available to chat to anyone who needs

not self absorbed at all likesnowflakesinanocean

here is a safe place to rant and I don't blame you

Hello everyone.snowflakes you Are allowed to be pissed off here ! Sometimes everything catches up on you dosent it, especially when it's a special day. These days can be bloody awful and make you feel like shit. I think we all get days like that. We shouldn't have to hide it either, if we want a rant or a cry we should be able to do it. And sometimes things in RL are not always goin so smoothly are they ? which dosent help. One day we will look back and wonder how we got through everything, but we will, you wait and see. Xx

snowflakes, thats so hard. Lack of support from "close" family is something I know only too well, and it really hurts. Why cant people think of others, it isnt too hard, but its a step too far for some folk. Am angry on your behalf.
and rant away here, we get it only too well xxx

I suppose some people don't know how to show empathy towards others because they are so wrapped up I'm themselves. It will bite them on the bum one day. You sow what you reap !!

Back to front ! You reap what you sow

I'm counting on that happening to someone I know mummylin, but I don't know...some folk seem to get away with everything

No they won'tssd it may take a long time but it will happen.
On a brighter note, My sister is down here again with her twins. My god they have some strong lungs !!!! She will be here at least till the weekend. She cannot wait to move back here. She has been very homesick and misses us all. More so now mum isn't here. She made me walk miles to my brothers house, then we had to walk back again . I am knackered !! They are 16 months old now and quite a handful. Very cute though and very different personalities. We don't really know them very well yet because they are away from us, but when she comes back here it will be much better. And this morning I went with another brother to two garden centres, it was weird, we were on the way when I got text from sis to say she was here. Wandering around gardens I saw a beautiful fuchsia. With loads of buds. Decided I had to have it. Picked it up and the plant had same name as my sister !!! It was fate.
So all in all haven't had time to think too much today. Although it was the first time my brother and I had been to this particular centre without our mum. It's not a local one. We both thought of her then. Hope you are all ok and that you had a nice bit of sun today x

your sister sounds nice mummylin, in fact your whole family does , you deserve them.

16 month old cute twins.....sounds lovely mummylin.

My kind of children as well...the ones you can hand back

My sister has returned home after falling out with her adult daughter so that was a very brief visit. Am so glad I saw her before that happened, was really looking forward to spending some time with her

snowflakes - rant away, we all have been through these elements of people being selfish. I don't think i will ever forget who hasnt been there for me, really been hard when i have always been there for everyone, but hey i will never be there for them in the same way.

mummylin - sorry your visit was cut short, but glad you got to see them, and hope things work out so you can get them up with you.

madasa - Been thinking of you and were here for you to support you

ssd - Hope things are going along ok there hun

Biscuits and anyone else i have missed thinking of you all

Ive really found it hard lately especially having to think about my 40th birthday celebrations without my mum and I miss her loads, she would be really involved and i hate it so much without her.

i have a few days work this week hoping next too, feel like its all tipped upside down at the moment, worried about me not having ongoing work

oh well, speak soon guys.
hugs to anyone who needs it xx

thanks t875, hugs to you too..hope the job situation changes for the better soon, its a real worry isn't it..and I'm so sorry you're having to plan your 40th without your mum there, that obviously will be very hard for you, wish we could all throw a party for you, wouldn't that be great!

mummylin, what a shame, hope you get another visit soon, for a bit longer

am thinking of you all xxx

Hello to you all
May I Join you?
My Mum died yesterday.
I was with her, held her, loved her.
I can't cry.
I know I want to...nothing ....no tears.
Everyone else is distraught, but I'm just carrying on.
Why can't I cry?
Mum was ill for 2 years, we knew the outcome was going to be death, but It's weird isn't it to show no emotion.
I saw her several times a week while she was ill. We laughed & chatted, although she didn't really understand what I was saying due to vascular dementia.
I feel so weird, everyone is sobbing, and I'm on mumsnet....what is wrong with me???

chickydoo grief is different for everyone of us. Maybe you have already done some of that whilst your mum has been ill ? It's possible that you're in a state of Denial, just can't accept it has happened. That happens even months later to some of s on here. There is no set way that you react and I'm sure you will deal with it in your own way and time. I am sorry for your loss,please know that we are always here for you and understand as we have all been there.
t875 I am sorry you feel so sad about not having your mum here to help you plan your party, of course it is a special time for you and the person you most wish ( and should be ) will be missing. It is another important date isn't it.hope the worries about work come to nothing.
ssd yes I am very lucky with my siblings, we tend to mostly all get on very well, not saying hat no-one ever falls out though! But I try not to, as we know life is too short and after losing our sister I don't ever intend to fall out with any of them,
biscuits sorry you found Father's Day difficult. I understand how easy it would be just to get under the duvet and sleep the day away. When ever do things really get better ? That's what I would like to know.
To everyone else, hope you are all muddling through as best you can and having a few more better days x

Thank you Mummylin
You sound lovely
Am going to try & get some sleep am so tired

am so sorry chickydoo..but what mummylin said is spot on (as usual )

oh Chickydoo Im so sorry and its absolutely devastating im so sorry for your loss.

we are here for you to rant or just talk too, its such a numbing time theres still times now after 1 year where its very hard, and its big waves where i miss her loads, still go through this, there are days where i can laugh about her, i talk to her a lot and i still have special things i put on her shelf.
take each minute, hour, slowly and surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with and do what you want to do.
big hugs to you xx

I have given birth to a runner bean from one of my mums bean pods I found in a bucket I am so pleased, I hope I get some more, ! I think I planted them too deep so have taken longer than expected, mum would be so pleased that I have used some of them. And one other little thing, I bought a little robin solar light and put it in one of my tubs, I picked it up yesterday and it just fell apart, but I ended up with the little robin in my hand ! The solar bit is defunct.
Hope you are all ok today and enjoying a bit of sunshine. X

ahh thats great mummylin!! I bet you were pleased maybe your mum gave beanie a little extra help eh as she knows how much it will mean to you and her Ive been in the garden pruning my rose bush ive had wild rose has gone mad this year, it meant a lot to me last year when the petals that come off it were a white heart shape, and when she passed last year i had all these white love heart petals all over my decking which meant a lot to me. I found a white feather in the rose bush too which was lovely.

enjoying the sunshine hope everyone is going along ok best they can x

Thank you so much for your kind words.
Today has been so hard, undertakers etc.
Lots of friction in the family, but I guess that we are all in a bit of shock still.
I think I feel numb, I keep forgetting things. I wish I didn't have to do the normal everyday stuff, like cook & shop etc. I just want to sit & think. Maybe if I just was still for 5 mins then I would give in & cry.
I have 4 kids, my own business & I have to take care of them, & now the funeral too.
Mum was always so calm & steady, I need some of her wisdom right now.
She would sort this out in no time.

Oh my god chickydoo what a lot you have on your plate at the moment. You are not able to grieve at the moment because you have so much else to do and cope with. You def need some time to yourself. You are not Wonder Woman, you are a human being and at the moment need time to digest everything. Arranging a funeral is very stressful , and whilst you Are dealing with it, inside you are crying , but outside you put on an act . This is for the benefits of others. None of us likes to appear vulnerable in front of others. But we are and when you have the loss of someone so important in our lives, we go around like robots. Arranging everything, dealing with others who also may be upset and in your case your children and a business ! You need some time just for you. Sometimes even things like a death does cause friction of some kind and lots of families do see some of this. You may find amongst your friends that some of them will expect you to be suddenly okay after a couple of weeks. And people can say the most hurtful things whilst not thinking about what you have just been through. We all have experiences of these different scenarios on here. We will help you through it as best we can .

You will find strengths you didn't know you had to get you through this, you must have some of your mums genes and if she would of dealt with it, so will you. That is one of her gifts to you x

Mummylin you are so right, thank you
Mum was so quietly strong through her whole life, maybe I have a bit of that too.
I can't wait for the funeral to be over, then maybe I can just sit, and think and Be.
Oh how I wish I could hear mums voice again, I miss her.

You will see and hear your mum everywhere, you will see her in yourself and in your children.. Our mums are never gone completely because we live on and carry on her genes. For myself I write exactly like my mum and the family used to get confused as our handwriting is so similar. I have some of her ways and I'm sure you will have those too, and maybe you will glance at one of your children and just for a second see that they have a certain look that your mum used to have. They say that we grow into our mums and I think in some ways that is right. My own dd found that she would say things to her dd,s that I would of said to her, and which she vowed she would never say to her own children. She has !!! Keep your chin up chickydoo, hard weeks ahead but you are not alone x