Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

[mummylin2495]

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

Oh ssd I can guess how you will be feeling tomorrow, every special date is a nightmare isn't it, I will think of you. Write her a little letter if that makes you feel better you could just put your thoughts etc. put a flower by her photo and whisper happy birthday mum sending you love

She has to go back for an echo and for an appt at clinic.
My brother was unwell yesterday but I think it's just the stress/lack of sleep/not eating/grief catching up with us all.

I think it does take a lot out of a person. It must be one of the most stressful times in our lives ever. It's a selection of stuff, all the arrangements to make. All the things you have to do and of course all this whilst you are mourning the loss of a loved one. But it is surprising how we all do manage to cope. Have you got the date for your dads funeral now, I know thre was a ? Over when it would be .i expect today you will be going over last Saturday in Your mind, it's something we all have done at some point

Funeral on the 13th.
Sorted wake - local hotel.
Relatives flying in on Monday at varying times and going home on Tuesday evening.....my bil is sorting their accommodation.
I just can't get over it...last week at this time I was packing my overnight bag, sorting the car out...seems so unreal
Dad collapsed at 2.10pm but wasn't pronounced til after 3pm at the hospital.

Ssd just want to say I'm thinking of you today it's such a hard day sending you a massive hug and do something special that pleases you too Hun
((((Big hugs))))

Badhavoc - I am pleased that you have had some support to help you through. It's all so surreal :( thinking of you while you go through this extremely hard time. X

I echo t875 post exactly. Thoughts are with you both on this distressing day.

Ssd...thinking of you.
My lovely dad has been gone now for a week. Longest week of my life.
I am unable to comprehend how he was here and then gone.
It's like a nightmare from which I can't wake up.

badvoc and ssd hope you both have somehow coped with today, I agree with you badvoc it is a nightmare. A living nightmare. I can hardly recall how normal I would of felt when I had my mum, I know I will never be that person again.

I feel for all who are struggling. I lost my dad 5 years ago and im still struggling. He was diagnosed with muscle tension, then a hole in his lung, to having cancer and then dying. All in a month. I still cant get over it. I spent year after death trying to look after family and drinking. Then twat of fiance dumping me and my manager bullying me.although im in good place now it doesnt get any easier. Lost my job few weeks ago and keep crying over what my dad would say. Silly things set me off even corrie! Someone reslly close to me has just fought cancer but has been told it will most likely come back. I cant cope uf i lost them too. My friends and new bf have been great but noone really knows wat to say.it doesnt matter your age when you lode a parents. It hurts.

I am sorry for your loss Kali x
Mums neighbours son came up to me as I was leaving mums house yesterday...he was nearly in tears which makes it hard...I end up comforting them!
Mum had pain last night so my sister rang the paramedics and they came out so I was down there from 2-3 am.
She is ok. In fact her ECG is already better than it was last week, which is good news.
I think this week will be very hard for all of us...just waiting.

hope you are all doing the best you can be, its hard isn't it and people say the stupidest things. I have quit watching the soaps lately too much cancer storylines and death. I need a hobby! something to keep me occupied

Hello, I posted a few months ago, I have had a name change since then. I'm sorry that I didn't thank anyone for their posts or ask after other posters.

My Dad died 3 months ago and I just realised today. He is the first thing I think of when I wake and the last thing I think of when I go to bed. He is always on my mind. I have so many regrets. We were not always in contact and I want to turn the clock
back and put that right. I wish we had spent more time together. I'm so proud of him and I miss him so much.

Today is the first time I cried properly. Ds was being untidy and messing about and I burst into tears and didn't stop for the next hour.

Oh dear celtic you mean today it suddenly hit you that your dad is gone ? I am sorry that you have regrets. I expect we all have a few. I'm sure whatever happened in the past was reason at the time. not to see your dad so often. But it's time for you to let that go . There is nothing to be gained by it now and worrying about it will just eat you up and make your grief for him worse.
Try to think of the good times that you did have with him. Put up a photo of him and talk to him now. What name were you before ( unless you don't want to say ) glad you came back and found us again

Thank you mummylin. I was TT before.

I wasn't always in contact with my Dad because my parents split when I was young and my Dad had problems with alcohol so I didn't always know where he was. Then he got ill and gave up the alcohol and wanted to make contact with me. I didn't make contact for years not because I was angry, I wasn't at all angry because I knew he loved me. I was shy, a grown woman too shy to make contact with her own dad how pathetic.

Then I finally made contact and the first time I saw him I wanted to ask him to move closer to us but I didn't and we only saw each other sporadically because we lived quite far apart. I should have seen him more, I could have seen him more but I let the day to day stuff get in the way.

Then he was diagnosed with cancer just over a month before he died and I saw him a lot but still not as much as I would have liked. I realised how alike we were and how much I had missed out on.

I don't know why it has only just hit me. I think it all happened so quickly. There was so much to sort out that it felt surreal.

I have a lovely photo of him that his niece gave me at the funeral. I met my Dad's side of the family for the first time at his funeral and they are lovely and I wish I knew them before.

My Dad's death has made me realise that I have lived my whole life wrong and I want to start again. I can't turn the clock back.

I am glad that you now have met all your dads family. They will be able to tell you lots of things about him I expect. So although you didn't see him often you will get a good idea of things he likes to do. Things that made him laugh etc very sad for you. But it has given you new relations ! In hindsight you now wish you could put the clock back,but you did what was right for you at the time. I hope you can have happy times with your dad family and hopefully this will help you .
Alchohol is a demon for some people , and you never get to see the real person behind the glass.
You will be ok,keep,posting and we will try and help you through it. Sorry you are so upset now

Hi all hope everyone's doing okay.

I'm so sorry there's more of us who need this thread.

Celtic I'm sorry for what you're going through. If only we could know what was coming we'd have less regrets. Hold on to the fact you got to spend time with your dad, even though you wish you'd had more. When you lose someone so close that you love so much it never seems that you had enough time with them.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, I'm finding it hard to sleep for worrying about my mum and its making me hell to live with. It doesn't help that the weather means we've been stuck at home so far and DCs are getting bored.

I just don't know what I'll do when she's gone. I'll have to carry on for my DCs but I know all I'll want to do is curl up and hide. This waiting game is horrible even though I'm thankful for each day she's still here. I wish I had a magic wand to make everything okay again.

Hi crazykat how is your mum getting on now ? Did you ever get her a bird feeder ? We had another big dragon fly indoors the other day !
I hope you are able to still enjoy your time with your mum and that she is also able to have times of happiness.
It must be awful for you and the family to know what is going to happen, it surely must affect everything that you do. Sadly you know what the outcome is going to be, so all you can do is to make the best of each day and store up more memories for the future. It's all very sad
Hope everyone else is also getting by as best as they possibly can. None of you are alone, we are all with you
.badvoc hope your mum is ok and coping as well as she can. I am sure you are all dreading the 13th but we will be with you.
ssd and t875 thinking of you both. Has anyone heard from biscuits just wondering how she is doing.

Hi mummylin
Went to funeral directors this morning and sorted out the last bits and bobs...orders of service etc.
Mum seems ok...she is eating and sleeping which is frankly more than I am doing!
My dc are driving me mad ATM...weather is rubbish as they are getting stir crazy and my patience is very limited.
Dh is back at work and back in routine already and I just what to scream at him at times...which is very unfair.

I think a few of us have been a bit disillusioned with the support from our dh,s. me included.and some friends have been less than supportive too. It's very hurtful I think. Glad you now have everything sorted. Though obviously I am sorry you have had to do it at all.
It's good that your mum is eating and sleeping well, she needs to get her strength back from being ill herself so that will help her. I think when you are stressed out any little thing is frustrating and annoying. We want the world to stop, but it dosent and its hard to cope with mundane things.
You wonder how everything and everyone around is just continuing with life as normal, makes you want to scream and say " don't you know I have just lost someone I loved " it's a horrible horrible time.

Yes, and it's affecting the kids too...perhaps more than I thought.

Thanks for support everyone.

I am sure it must affect children, and I expect they also will pick up on your sadness which may worry them . But luckily kids seem to soon get over things. Which is a good thing .
Weather not helping mood here. It's bucketing down !

Your welcome celtic I think it helps to b able to chat with others going through similar stuff. At least they all understand and can show empathy.

Hopefully dh will be home in 45 mins... Am watching the clock :(
Poor dc...I Am good for nothing ATM.

I expect you feel as though you are I. A living nightmare that you will wake up from . Sadly it's all too real but so hard to comprehend isn't it. It's almost beyond belief that someone is here, then gone in minutes . It's just terrible in the first few weeks, and nothing can make you feel better. I still think about it every single day and go over and over things in my mind . I will never get over it. I can have relatively good days. But everything I do it's overshadowed by losing my mum. And like you. It was a sudden death.