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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

972 replies

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 10:46

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

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Original poster
mummylin2495 · 29/07/2013 20:40

It is a very hard and difficult time for you all and with the added worry of your mum, you must be stressed to the hilt. Funeral directors can be very helpful and usually will help you with whatever you decide you want, like finding any music that was relevant to your dad etc, they mostly will see tp newspaper announcements too, but I think it better to do that yourselves as FD will bump up charges for that. Good idea to restrict visitors. It would be too much for your mum to have lots of people around. She needs to grieve and get well too.

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SuperMariosSister · 29/07/2013 21:16

you sound like you are coping as best as you can be badvoc, its a horrible task. i was practically silent when the vicar came to mums house to speak to us. its so strange and i kept taking myself away from the situation like i was looking in thinking is this really happening?

officelady · 30/07/2013 10:46

That comment really resonates with me, supermariosister. In the days after mum died, the whole rigmarole and organising of things seemed like an out of body experience. The day of the funeral in particular, was completely surreal and I felt very detached from it all. It's almost as if it was too much for my brain to acknowledge that it was really happening.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/07/2013 11:35

I think it's natures way of helping us get through that awful day. Although I sobbed all the way through the actual service. Once it was over I felt as though a big weight had gone off of me of course this feeling dosent last long. But surrounded by people helped such a lot in the hours after the funeral
badvoc hope it's good news for you regarding your mum coming home

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t875 · 30/07/2013 13:27

Thinking of you all on the thread that have just joined.

Hope badhavoc your mum comes out of hospital.

I'm with mummylin it is an immensely sad day but you get/ find strength to get through it. We're be right with you.

Hugs to you and to all who need it.

Tough time for me.
We are going on holiday going without my mum and just my dad is gonna kill me. I cried my eyes out last night wanting to chat like we would about what we are taking. It's shit and so not far! I'm so struggling at the moment.
Wasn't going away but guess we have too. Only a long w end but to even think of it wrenches my heart Sad

Badvoc · 30/07/2013 13:47

I'm very sorry for your loss t875.
Mum is home. She is very tearful but we of course came home to cards and flowers and its so hard.
People are being so kind.
The registrar is letting my cousin (who works down there) register dads death which is a big help.
We now have a cause of death. Coronary artery thrombus (clot). Due to to coronary artery schlerosis.
I hope that means it was quick.
I am going to talk to mums go tomorrow as she needs to speak to someone about dads death and his last moments.
I feel like I am behind a a wall of glass watching everyone else get on with their lives.
Very tearful today.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/07/2013 16:16

t875 I utterly understand how you feel. The only way I could cope with going on holiday was to go somewhere that we had never been with mum. But I have to admit, I took a photo of her with me and propped it up on my bedside table ! My dh thought I was a bit mad, but it made me feel like she was with us.
badvoc what an immensely sorrowful time for your mum. I expect she can't make head or tail of the last few days. Such a lot of sadness when only last week things were so normal.
I guess she is staying with you ? Poor soul, I really feel for her. Well for all of you , but for your mum especially as she has been with your dad for so long.im glad you have been spared having to go and register the death, that is harrowing in itself.
ssd hope you are ok ?
To everyone , sending you strength to cope , especially to the newcomers on this thread who will be feeling so raw

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Badvoc · 30/07/2013 17:57

We are taking turns staying with her mummylin.
At least for now.
If she wants to come and stay with any of us she can...we all have spare rooms.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/07/2013 19:28

Oh I see, maybe be better for her to be among her familiar things, I expect she s feeling so lost. Glad she has you and your siblings looking out for her. But how has your day been?

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allthingspossible · 30/07/2013 19:42

Hello, may I join you all please?. My Dad died on May 28th this year. His quality of life had declined over the last couple of years due to Parkinsons, but he eventually succumbed to pneumonia. Myself and my sisters were with him constantly the last 3 days of his life in hospital. It was a profound experience, but a privilege to be there for him. I actually started reading this thread many weeks ago but feel ready to post now. 'Tis a lovely thread x.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/07/2013 20:35

Hello allthings welcome to ths thread. It sounds .like you were very supportive to your dad in his final days, I am sure it bought him comfort that you were there. How have you been coping over the last few weeks ? Did it help to come to terms with his death that you were there ? I am glad you now feel able to post here. It's a very resssuring thread for all of us who sadly are on here.

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allthingspossible · 30/07/2013 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 30/07/2013 23:32

I too hate Sundays as its the day I lost my mum. Families are so complicated aren't they. I think out of all my siblings I have felt it the most, mum would pop in nearly every day. They were all back to work and my only living sister was expecting twins and dosent live here. It's all very upsetting and it's hard to deal with it. It is not that long since you lost your dad, so you are bound to feel it very deeply at the moment. You may of been off all over the place but you were then when he needed you, that is the important thing, he would not begrudge you the life you chose I'm sure. It's good job you have your children, that makes you do things that you otherwise wouldn't be bothered to.
Some people seem to be very unemotional, don't understand it myself. I can be hard as nails and swear like a trooper, but I can also feel things very deeply and have empathy for others.

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allthingspossible · 31/07/2013 00:01

Thankyou Mummylin. Words fail me at the moment, but thank you x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 00:27

There is usually someone around on here but if not you will get answered very soon . If you need to rant about anything you can do that on here too ! Most of us have needed to have a moan about something / someone !

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allthingspossible · 31/07/2013 00:54

Thank you, 'Tis ok. I just had my very first no children eve since my dad died and have been letting loose with my emotions! I didn't realise how much I was holding in, my goodness! Hope I haven't put anyone off posting, I am not normally this ranty! Bed for me now. X

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 00:56

No you won't put anyone off posting ! Goodnight

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Badvoc · 31/07/2013 07:31

I am not sure how I am tbh mummylin.
Today will be hard.
I am seeing mums gp to the and arrange a home visit and we have a meeting with the funeral director later.
My cousin is registering dads death this afternoon.
How can this be happening?
How?

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 13:24

It's like you are in a dreamlike state and its so hard to comprehend that it has really happened. An utter shock and almost unbelievable. We all go through the motions of what we have to do, but it still doesn't seem real. And even the different people we have to see. To them it's just a job and don't seem to realise how painful it is for the family to have to be doing all these thing. How is your mum today ?

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Badvoc · 31/07/2013 13:37

I went to ask the gp to call in on her. Gp should be there now. She wants to discuss dads final moments. Also her discharge lakers are quite confusing. They said her angiogram was normal but the paperwork dates it was abnormal (?)
I am at home with my dc prior to the meeting with the funeral director at 3pm.
I rang the bank this morning as mum was getting worked up about it, and they were very helpful.
My bil is dealing with accommodation for relatives from overseas and the wake.
My friend who is a CM will look after the boys for me whilst we are at the funeral and then they will come to the wake.
A co worker of my dad came to the door this morning with a card. It's hard seei big butch grown men weep.
My dad meant so much to so many.
I am bereft.

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 14:13

Yes it is sad. The whole process is heartbreaking. I have all my cards for mum in a photo album. Along with the notices from the newspapers and photos of her flowers. I would check out what they actually mean about your mum. Good luck with funeral director, they are normally very kind and sympathetic and will try and do everything you request. They will see to the order of service leaflets if you want them to and make sure they have the music you request.

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Badvoc · 31/07/2013 14:15

That's a nice idea mummylin.
I haven't seen my bil yet....will be seeing him at mums soon. That will be hard too.
We don't have a local newspaper but the announcement goes in the window of the funeral director and church notice board.
I have just realised I have not said how sorry I am for the loss of your mum x

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 14:29

Another thing you can do if you like to keep mementos, is to take a flower from the tribute and press it to keep. I did this too. Thanks for your thoughts.

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ssd · 31/07/2013 16:23

I'm so sorry for the posters who have had to join us here Sad, I'm reading all the above posts and nodding to every one...I can understand so many of the feelings described..mummylin as always you replied with exactly what I wanted to say (and hear)..

hugs for us all xx

Original poster
mummylin2495 · 31/07/2013 16:59

Hellossd nice to see you . Are you doing ok, have you been back to cruse yet ?

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