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Original poster

A little hand holding please...

510 replies

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest · 26/04/2013 03:48

My gorgeous husband kissed ds1, aged 5, ds2, aged 3, and I, tonight, told us each that he loved us and went to play football, as he has every Thursday for the last 10 years.

38 minutes later, I had a call from his mate to say that he was having some kind of fit. By the time I arrived at the pitch, he was receiving cpr. Eventually we agreed they should stop at the hospital. He was 39 years old and the best daddy and husband one could hope for.

I'm lying here, wide awake, totally numb, and trying to think how to tell our beautiful boys that their super daddy didn't make it home.

I don't know when I'll be back on here., as I'm supposed to be trying to sleep, but just needed to say the words above.

OP posts:
financialwizard · 10/05/2013 14:49

I want to give you a huge hug, my thoughts are with you and your boys today xx

trulymadlydeeply · 10/05/2013 15:54

Thinking of you today, Survival, and really hoping that your DH had the best send off you could give him.

Love to you and your boys.

Xxx

YellowDinosaur · 10/05/2013 16:05

Your plans for the funeral are so beautiful they have had me in tears. Hope today has been a fitting tribute to your wonderful husband.

I have never been in your shoes but one of my best friends lost her husband just poverty a year ago so I have seen her heartache and wouldn't wish that on anyone. As a word of comfort her ds (6 when his Dad died) has actually taken it in his stride more than anyone so fingers crossed your boys are ok.

Lots of love xxx

InmaculadaConcepcion · 10/05/2013 20:23

Lots of love to you Survival on this days and the coming days too. Talk to us whenever you need to xx

RatherBeOnThePiste · 11/05/2013 00:19

Thinking of you tonight my lovely, sending much love X

echt · 11/05/2013 06:47

I've just caught up with this thread.

Sad for your loss, Survival but Smile at the joyful plans you've made for the celebration of your husband's splendid life.

Original poster
SurvivalOfTheUnfittest · 11/05/2013 06:53

Thank you all for thinking of us.

Yesterday went perfectly - as perfectly as any such day can. The sun shone, the church was full to overflowing, and the plans I had made worked out well. My darling dh had a fitting send off and I'm sure he'd have been proud of us all. I heard all sorts of great stories about him that I hadn't known before, and I got to meet and thank his football friends who were with him, and helped him, on that awful evening two weeks ago.

The boys were amazing all day. I brought them home at 5pm after 4 hours of running around in the pub garden. I think that, as long as I carry on talking with them and helping them to deal with their feelings, they will continue to flourish, just as dh and I wanted.

The real question is 'what next?' I hadn't been able to think past yesterday and now I have to begin to try and work out how to build our tomorrows. I know that ultimately this is where the hard work starts and that I must start to try and process my own feelings, whilst still bobbing along for the boys. The support from family and friends has been amazing, but they can't do the next bit for me. More tiny steps, I guess. As someone who likes to plan ahead as a coping strategy, I am trying to learn how to stick with the here and now as much as possible. The task ahead is huge and daunting, but my determination to make dh proud remains strong.

OP posts:
flubba · 11/05/2013 07:06

I hope yesterday passed as well as it could have - your arrangements sound perfect.

Wishing you much strength, light and love x

ClimbingPenguin · 11/05/2013 07:11

It was certainly lovely. You and your boys were (and are) amazing.

AFingerofFudge · 11/05/2013 07:14

Thinking of you all and sending love x

Jenijena · 11/05/2013 07:20

I'm glad it was the send off he deserved. I'm a planner too, and can well imagine the need to know what comes next. Thinking of you.

MunchkinsMumof2 · 11/05/2013 08:39

That sounds like a perfect tribute to your lovely husband, I agree that now is when you have to garner strength and please accept any and all offers of help. The only event I can liken it too is when you bring a newborn home, everyone trips over to see you and help but 4 weeks on, it's much quieter. I fear I'm not being succinct but please allow your loved ones to help you and your darling boys through this. Sending love x

ScienceRocks · 11/05/2013 09:28

So pleased that it went well survival x

ssd · 11/05/2013 09:42

pleased it went well too x

saffronwblue · 11/05/2013 10:39

Well done- I am so pleased for you. You and your boys should be so proud of yourselves.

LackaDAISYcal · 11/05/2013 11:07

So sorry for your loss Survival Sad
Sending much love and hopefully a little bit of a WoollyHug xx

MNPin2013 · 11/05/2013 15:57

I am glad it went well Survival. Hugs.

Jules146 · 11/05/2013 19:40

Sending lots of love and hugs xx

MrsHiddleston · 11/05/2013 19:44

Just seen your post survival, I am so sorry for your loss. Be strong for your children. Sending you my thoughts and best wishes.

Homebird8 · 11/05/2013 23:48

The funeral sounds like a wonderful occasion at the saddest of times. Great to hear all those stories about your wonderful DH and be able to share time with others who loved and cared about him.

I'm so glad your boys had time to run around together. You're right to feel proud of them and also that you will be a great Team Survival as they grow into wonderful young men like their daddy.

Tiny steps yes, and nobody can take them for you, but I am sure they will be at your side.

twinsister · 13/05/2013 10:14

I have been following your very very sad path over the last couple of weeks but haven't posted before. Wanted to check in to see how you have been since the funeral. Tiny steps sounds wise. Sending you much strength and support from the other side of the world as you step down this new path xx

YellowDinosaur · 13/05/2013 22:17

Just wanted to post to say i'm thinking of you survival. From watching what my dear friend went through after losing her dh to leukaemia it was these days after the funeral when everyone elses lives have gone back to normal that were so very hard. Here for you anytime you want a cry, rant, distraction or just to talk about your lovely husband xxxxx

Original poster
SurvivalOfTheUnfittest · 14/05/2013 07:09

Thank you for your continuing support. It is indeed like having a newborn still - I try to do things, but am still having a lot of calls, messages and random food items arriving. Of course, I know these will dry up in due course, and that will be harder, but it does make it tricky to actually achieve the most basic of tasks.

The weekend was hard. We visited lovely friends and had some fun, but dh would usually have been with us all. I have agreed to go away with them for the weekend of our wedding anniversary in August, on the premise that i'll probably be rubbish company, but probably shouldn't be alone. My lovely friends just said that was fine and they will cry too. Practically, there will be implications, as I have to learn to keep both my little monkeys safe in the great outdoors with only one pair of eyes for both of them. I've suggested we don't spend that weekend near water!

I sat and sobbed on Saturday night and then asked a fab neighbour in for a hug. Like I've already said, I do need to take time for thinking about all of this but it's so hard and scary to do. Once I cry properly, I'm not quite sure how to stop.

On Sunday, I managed to iron dh's work shirts that he had already worn that fateful week. They are now in the cupboard, rather than sitting in my ironing pile as a constant reminder of what we are going through. The next thing is to move forward with the paperwork.

Boys up now so must start the day. One foot in front of each other still seems to work.

OP posts:
5madthings · 14/05/2013 07:39

survivsl one foot in front of the other is the way to go and yoi are doing so well, keep talking, keep leaning om friends and family and keep postinh, we are listeninh.

Much love xxc

TwentyTinyToes · 14/05/2013 08:35

Here to listen whenever you want to cry, scream and rant or to tell us about your lovely husband. He sounds like a wonderful man. X