A little hand holding please...

[SurvivalOfTheUnfittest]

My gorgeous husband kissed ds1, aged 5, ds2, aged 3, and I, tonight, told us each that he loved us and went to play football, as he has every Thursday for the last 10 years.

38 minutes later, I had a call from his mate to say that he was having some kind of fit. By the time I arrived at the pitch, he was receiving cpr. Eventually we agreed they should stop at the hospital. He was 39 years old and the best daddy and husband one could hope for.

I'm lying here, wide awake, totally numb, and trying to think how to tell our beautiful boys that their super daddy didn't make it home.

I don't know when I'll be back on here., as I'm supposed to be trying to sleep, but just needed to say the words above.

You are truly amazing, Survival. Your DH would be so proud of all that you've achieved over the last few months.
Be kind to yourself. If you were reading your own blog as a stranger, you'd be staggered by your strength and resilience.

I hope that you have a good holiday and that your boys really benefit from all the fresh air and activities, and that YOU benefit from having others around to support you.
Lots of love. Xxx

Be kind to yourself. If you were reading your own blog as a stranger, you'd be staggered by your strength and resilience.
^
That.

I can't say on here why that means so much to me right now, but just thank you.

I often think of you and your boys, you are so strong and such an amazing mother x

I can't find the words to fit this, you're truly wonderful, as both a mother and wife. Keep on keeping on. x

Thank you.

Hope all is well, Survival. Thinking of you with love. Xx

Hope you and your lovely boys are ok.

Hope all is well, Survival.
Thinking of you. Xx

Thank you for continuing to think of me. I've had a slightly mad couple of weeks since we got back from holiday but will try and summarise it a bit tomorrow night!

Thinking of you survival. Still in awe of your resilience- even if you don't feel strong you really are! x

Well, here is a summary of the last week:
I have had visits from the health visitor and the financial advisor.
We have all had haircuts ready for my brother's wedding next weekend.
We were visited by a representative from Guy's Gift who will now be working with both boys on dealing with their bereavement.
We have had a joint appointment for both boys at the local hospital and ds2 has 3 new referrals for the regional children's hospital. They have referred him to genetics to see if we can tie all his (minor) difficulties together under one umbrella.
I have written his care plan for Pre-school.
I have written two blog posts for the Huffington Post (and my heart one is on the front page of the MN blog area today).
I have been to the gym and cycled 10 miles with a friend around the local countryside.
I have worked out my incomings and outgoings (which I have been putting off for months!)
I have finally applied for a credit card in my own name and resolved the issue of dh having £50 of top cash back pending (now on its way to me!)
I have introduced a reward scheme for the boys which has, for now at least, dramatically improved their behaviour (and endured some battle royals with them, hence needing the reward charts!)
I have done a load of Christmas shopping using the MN Christmas bargain threads.
I have recovered from sinusitis and experienced both boys being ill at the same time on my own for the first time (and survived!).
I think the only thing I've got wrong is not updating my online supermarket shop in time and have taken delivery of way too many potatoes but no bagels for ds2's breakfast!

I know I posted last time that I'd had a busy two weeks but I can't even remember what happened last week now!

Coming back from holiday was hard emotionally, but things have settled down again. I'm now feeling pretty positive about my db's wedding next week. The boys are looking forward to being page boys and I'm determined to have a little dance! I will use a little bribery to ensure that they behave well!

Thanks for your continued support.

wow! as always I'm very impressed with your attitude and resilience, as the phrase where I'm from goes "you're some woman for one woman"

You amazing woman. Hope you manage to have a lovely time at your DB's wedding. Thinking of you lots. Xx

Thanks. Ds1 decided to leave home this afternoon. He's been mentioning it for a few days and nothing in particular seemed to start it today. He sat outside at the edge of our usual boundary for a pong time Ruth his teddy, pull up for night time, pants, toys and s box of tissues. Then he decided to make a run for it and crossed 2 roads (he is only 5 remember). 80 mins later I managed to bring him back. Luckily, my SIL wad here to look after ds2 (and eat the roast dinner!). I managed to keep very calm and I read 'Guess how much I love you' at bedtime. We ended on a positive note, but gosh, the saga has taken every ounce of my strength. I know why he's angry and I understand why it is aimed at me, but I just wish I could take it all away for him.

Sorry for typos. On my phone which won't let me correct very easily.

sorry to hear that, must be very hard for you. I hope the counselling help quickly.
Do you think it would help him to spend 1 to 1 time with an uncle or GF? if possible at all?

Oh that sounds so hard. You must feel like walking off with your teddy too sometimes but you have to be strong and mature for your boys. Am amazed and impressed by your summary of activities!
Hope you have a better day today.x

Thank you all.x

Survival I woke up this morning thinking of you and your boys - I'm really not a weirdo stalker, honest!

Wow, it has been such a busy time for you; I actually think you get more done in a few weeks than I've done this year.

I can't tell you how much I admire your resilience and the fact that you seem to deal with your boys so patiently when at times it would just be easier to crack.

Your blog is wonderful.

Hi Foxy. Thanks for posting and reading my blog. I've had a heck of a week. I had tonsilitis in the middle of last week and ds1 lost the plot with me on Thursday evening, running at me with fists flying and kicking me in the shins. On Saturday, my db got married and I managed the day pretty well. The only bits that really got me were during the speeches when we toasted 'family and friends' and 'love and happiness'. The first dance was lovely and I stood and watched with my gorgeous boys. Unfortunately, at about 7:30pm an older guest collapsed and required an ambulance. I managed to ensure that the boys were completely oblivious, drew my DM away and then supported the man's wife, who was clearly distressed. I'm pleased that my rational helpful brain kicked in when it could have done the opposite. I was surprisingly okay afterwards, but am so tired now from the whole event. DS1 has been worrying after an assembly today and didn't go to bed until 9pm which I could really have done without. I might not manage a blog this week as a result!! However, he has managed to control his temper since last Thursday and that is a good thing. This tiredness though is quite something.