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Original poster

As we go through this painful journey together

985 replies

lavandes · 10/02/2013 21:24

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

OP posts:
NoComet · 10/07/2013 11:51

(still wearing my Wimbledon name, not my tail,) but wipeing away tears for beautiful Aillidah and remembering sending thoughts North last year.

Love and strength to Expat, her Dh and and DDs

NoComet · 10/07/2013 12:24

Also, strength to Giraffes if she is still about.

snorris · 11/07/2013 06:10

Morning.
Why is it the silly little things that get you? I was browsing the special offers on the Aldi website and coming soon they have character lunchboxes, one of which Seren loved and is fairly new so not much merchandise for it. I've been dealing with all the crappy day to day stuff but this has just mad me so Sad. Part of me wants to buy one anyway but that seems so Confused and we don't need any more lunchboxes either.

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 11/07/2013 06:56

snorris it's because the richness of life is made up of those little preferences and quirks. I can completely understand how seeing a lunchbox can suddenly be too much. For me, it was hearing a high-pitched scream, just as Mia would do, which could send me to tears in the shopping centre. Yes, a favourite lunchbox, definitely the same. Xx

shabbatheGreek · 11/07/2013 08:10

Morning girls. xx

Oh Snorris - its the stuff like the lunchbox that gets me as well. Everytime a new Thomas the tank engine train comes out I think to myself 'Matt would love that!!' Even though he would now be 29 and possibly not like Thomas TTE anymore Smile

I personally would buy the lunchbox - maybe you could store like keepsakes of Serens in it? xxxxx

chipmonkey · 11/07/2013 08:52

I would buy it too, snorris. You don't have to use it as a lunchbox. For me it was going into Next, deliberately staying away from little girls' clothes because I knew that would be too hard but then being confronted by lovely decor for a little girl's room, in just exactly the colours and style I had been planning for her. Or a tiny pillow with "princess sleeping" on it.

shabs, there are a lot of 29 year old lads who still secretly love Thomas, though they wouldn't let on!Grin So you never know.

shabbatheGreek · 11/07/2013 09:19

Smile just glanced at my sideboard and know that in one of the big cupboards there are over 500 of the small Thomas TE trains. My youngest, Tom, was also a mad fan.

Matt used to say 'I wove dat Towas the tank engine....dont you Mam?' 'Yes I love Towas as well!!' 'I didn't say TOWAS I said TOWAS Im sure you dont wisten pwopewy!!' ha ha ha ha ha - miss you my little nutcase!!

shabbatheGreek · 11/07/2013 09:20

Snorris - I meant to say LITTLE keepsakes could be kept in the lunchbox. For whatever reason I put LIKE!! I sounded like a young American girl off Glee for a minute there xxx

whiteandyellowiris · 11/07/2013 10:40

chip, that's lovely what your dad said about John, I guess I see it in a similar way
suppose if I had to say what I thought could happen is your soul becomes like a orb or something
a ball of light that can fly around

snorris, yes I find its the funny things that get to me too, or sometimes hearing someone call ds' name in a playground or park
I probably wouldn't buy it as I would worry I was going insane, but I would probably deliberty look at it every single time I went in the shop, I a mad stalker
but I think buying it and keeping things in it is a great idea

I seem to be doing okish today
feel reasonably stable today, so that's good

chipmonkey · 11/07/2013 18:03

Well, like, shabs, I thought, like, you know that you could put, like, little mementoes in like, that lunchbox, like, you know?

snorris · 11/07/2013 19:56

Thank you. At least it's reassuring that I'm not going insane! They don't go on sale until 2 weeks today so I've got time to think about it.

Today turned into a bit of a crappy one - our tax credits notice came through and I needed to ring them to correct something. I ended up losing it on the phone when the man on the other end started asking me how much my OH was likely to earn Hmm and I didn't know. Luckily he was helpful and we worked it out by me looking at the current payslips.

Transfer day here tomorrow - dd5 is starting school in September so will be going into Foundation for the day. It's the same classroom that Seren started in, I think I'll be ok as it's a one off & they won't be in uniform but I really don't know how I'll be on her first proper day. The only time I've cried when any of mine started school was Seren - that was because I never thought we'd see that day. I think I might have to round up an understanding person to be with me.

shabbatheGreek · 11/07/2013 20:32

Snorris I know exactly what you mean about school. I used to pick Lew (grandson) up from the same nursery where Matt went. Many of the parents were Matts school friends and they didn't know what to say and neither did I. I ended up going straight to them and talking to them about their children. Was very hard though. xxx

chipmonkey · 11/07/2013 20:48

white, ever since I was little, when people talked of souls, I felt that a soul was a white, teardrop shaped "cloud" inside you.

snorris, for the time being, every little thing will seem like a big chore, that's normal. It does gradually get better with time.

shabbatheGreek · 12/07/2013 07:54

Morning girls xx

chipmonkey · 12/07/2013 11:06

morning, shabba xx

whiteandyellowiris · 13/07/2013 00:01

Do.you guys think I'm in the wrong not going to this family wedding ?

Mums seem annoyed and I feel a bit guilty

But I just.don't want to see all.these distant family members
I will worry about it beforehand, then when I'm there I will be all on edge

I.don't think I'll ever be socialble again as its like its not in me anymore.
I just want to be with a v small v select selection of people

chipmonkey · 13/07/2013 01:47

white, this is your life and only you know what you can and cannot do. I am not as sociable as I used to be either and I find it hard to be around people with small babies, not that I begrudge them their babies but I am acutely aware that I should also have a baby and that she's missing. And the small talk doesn't flow like it used to.
No-one has the right to be annoyed with you or to expect any more of you. I really don't think anyone who hasn't lost a child understands how it doesn't just hurt you. It breaks you and even with the pieces glued back together, you are always that bit more fragile.

whiteandyellowiris · 13/07/2013 08:25

Thanks chip, I think your right, only I can decide, I hope I'm not bugging people with asking for help with descion making all the time. I can't seem to make descions for myself v.well at the moment

I think not going is the right thing for me,but suppose its just guilt getting to me,as I know people put so much effort into weddings

I guess feel more guarded is normal in this situation

I'm still not going to go, as its just gonna be an ordeal for me

shabbatheGreek · 13/07/2013 08:34

Morning girls xx

chipmonkey · 13/07/2013 23:01

White, I think it's good that we all have each other. At least we all "get" why you don't want to go where others don't. Put yourself first xx

shabbatheGreek · 14/07/2013 07:30

Morning girls xx

My wonderful Dads 81st birthday today. xx

whiteandyellowiris · 14/07/2013 08:27

Thanks chip xx
Guess I just need to stop worrying that other people think I should be doing Xy or z.

Morning everyone

chipmonkey · 14/07/2013 22:21

white, if you live your life trying to please other people, it just doesn't work. You just end up pleasing nobody, least of all yourself!

Happy Birthday, shabba's Dad!

whiteandyellowiris · 14/07/2013 23:00

yeah I don't think I live my life to please others, but I do suffer with guilt.
which is such a useless emotion
say I feel guilty when I say no to things
but I do still say no, I just feel bad about it
when really I should just not worry about it

I tend to think with others things you can't please everyone so just please yourself, when it comes to things like work etc
or being a sahm
I know some don't approve, yet I know some wont approve whatever I do
so I might as well do what I like
I should try and carry that attitude into other areas of my life

hot one today wasn't it

chipmonkey · 15/07/2013 00:24

Guilt is such a waste of time, isn't it? And yet I can't cure myself of it.