As we go through this painful journey together

[lavandes]

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

my5, BIG congratulations on the birth of Gregor! I agree it is a lovely name. I hope you get so much enjoyment and love from him, despite the understandable anxiety xxxx

Welcome to the world, Gregor :)
Birthday wishes too for Matty and the other precious lost children.
Funny time of year this. Beautiful days make beautiful memories, but prompt sad thoughts too. DS4's first sports day today: I thought I'd done my last one watching a smiling blond boy giggle his way to a finish line.

Welcome to the world, little Gregor!! myfive(plus one) I totally understand that anxiety. We were the same with Finn. We took it in turns to watch him during the night for the first three days, and I was unable to bear the responsibility of even having Finn's basket on my side of the bed. But the crippling fear does dissipate, I promise, and your joy in this new little being intensifies as it sits alongside your love for Dexter and your other boys.

a friend upset me a bit today, not sure if its just me being over sensitive

but dd was saying something about the new baby, what shes going to do with it when hes born, something about stroking him and helping him learn to walk

and my friend piped up with oh dear, its going to be second child syndrome isn't

I felt a stab to the heart, as this baby is my third not my second
and I didn't reply
but I feel so bad inside

what should I have said, oh think you mean third child syndrome or something

I mean what on earth is second child syndrome anyway?
suppose its ment to be something like the subsequent baby gets bossed about or something

white what an odd thing to say by your friend. Sounds like she was just saying something to fill in a conversational gap... I have no idea what second child syndrome is either!

oh sweets, poor you!

there's a thing called "middle child syndrome" - my mum is a middle child and she swears it exists.
she had to put up with everyone either adoring her older sister who was pretty or worshipping her younger brother, who was not only the baby , but the boy who will carry the family name.
and she got sidelined between too.

there are versions of why, but basically it's the same thing, the middle one gets less attention and feels left out or less important apparently.
Sometimes they actually benefit from less focus - and happy to be not bothered all the time.

I think maybe that's what she was reffering to thinking baby is your second?
although how she could assume baby would one day be a middle one is a mystery. what a weird thing to say!

I'm hoping I'm not making you feel worse by explaining! sorry!

I don't know what you could have said.
I understand you feel upset.
it must really hurt to be so harshly reminded.

(((hugs))) x

Morning girls xx

expat I don't know why you are so angry with me, but I do sincerely apologise if I said anything inappropriate or upsetting or insensitive at all.
obviously that was never my intention!

I was under the impression that this is a safe place to talk about grief, no matter how big or small.
or anything else.

but maybe I misunderstood and misjudged things.
you could have said that without hurting my feelings.

I have said some things here I never said elsewhere and I appreciated the support.
but now I wish I hadn't said a word.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

and again apologies to anyone for whatever I said wrong.

This is a safe place to discuss the loss of our children. There is plenty of room within the bereavement section to express other grief.

This is indeed a safe haven. We grieve for our children, but also we share our lives and hopes, sometimes we may even have a giggle together. We all share a terrible loss, and we walk this 'crappy path' together. That is what makes this thread so special.

White, I'm so sorry your friend was so thoughtless. Babyorchid will always be your second child, that will never change. One of the boys' teachers recently asked me if ds4 was "the baby". I said that Sylvie-Rose would always be the baby to me. She nodded and said "Well, baby boy then" which was sort of better (ish)

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies x

Evening all. Am at my Mum's and have been to the beach two days in a row! The boys are loving it.

Morning girls xx

Morning ladies, we are having our fundraising football tournament this afternoon. We are raising money for Rethink in James' memory. Think of all those slighty mad young men running around a pitch in this heat today!!

James would approve, he loved the sun, loved football and loved being with his friends. Hopefully, we will raise a nice amount of money as well.

Thinking of everyone today xxx

Morning. I've been so numb, so blank for so long. Sean's anniversary is on Tuesday and now Im beginning to feel increasingly...not right. I've started chain smoking after not smoking for many years. I cried when I woke up this morning. It's so sunny outside and I don't know what I'm doing with the weekend, I just want to avoid people. I'm ok if I'm on my own.

For some reason, I seem to easily slip on that mask. I feel as if I have a sign on my forehead saying, "please tell me all your inconsequential news and especially about all the fun things you have been doing and just forget I lost my son". I just can't seem to find any words for my grief, apart from among fellow grieving parents.

I fucking hate the tennis. Last year, on the 8th July, I asked my husband if he would take Sean out so I could watch the tennis - the final that Andy Murray lost. "I never get to watch Wimbledon", I complained. So Andy fucking Murray is everywhere now and triggers off memories of the last day Sean was alive and how I wanted Sean out of my sight so I could do something for myself.

Off for another cigarette xx

Cross posts Michelle. Have a lovely day, and hope your raise lots of cash in James' memory xx

Saint, the build up to the anniversary is always hard. I do think the flatness and depression are normal. I know I am a lot more apathetic generally than I used to be.
I also drink a lot more than I used to and dh and I started smoking again for a while. He put a stop to it but think I would have carried on.

I'll raise a glass to you chip. Definitely drinking more too. I've just had a beer on an empty stomach and suddenly feel wonderful! I don't usually drink before wine o'clock (5pm onwards) Oh dear xx

SaintVera

I felt exactly the same last week. It is so hard facing the first anniversary. It won't be as bad as you think. The anticipation is probably worse than the actual day.

I am thinking of you all at the moment, I do know how you feel xxx

mumof, I found that, the build up definitely worse than the day itself. And after the first year, I had the feeling, that, well, the worst year of my life is over, it can't get any worse than this one

expat thinking of and remembering Aillidh xxxxxxx

Morning girls xx

Thinking of you and your family Expat xx