Lemon - I know its different but I had to post.
I found out one of my children had been abused by someone very close to us, the feelings you describe, the grief, the disassociation, the rising panic, the waking anew to the feelings each morning, those are exactly how I felt.
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function, sleep, eat, care for my children, all normal behaviours went out of the window at the same time as having to deal with officialdom. I more or less abandoned my poor children, they didn't have a mum they had a robot.
It has taken me a year to reach some semblance of normality, but I have reached it. There have been other emotions to work through, rage, guilt when I felt happy - for a long time, it felt wrong to feel normal.
I am getting there now, I don't want to make this about me - I just want you to know those feelings do ease with the passage of time.
Also these helped me a lot, quiet life, I couldn't sleep or eat, these at least got me an hour or twos rest.
Also with the paniced feelings, 7/11 breathing, in for 7, out for 11, to your own count. It really helps, its the breathing pattern of a sleeping baby.
Grounding - keeping your feet on the floor, so you are ready for flight.
Lavender oils on my pillow and I burned geranium oil in a burner all day, I bought a beautiful fairy one for the living room and an angel one for my bedroom.
All these things may sound a bit hippish, but they really helped me - even if it was just a placebo effect.
You can get through this time, even though it may not always seem like it right now, your writing about your husband is beautiful, I know a few large North Walian gentle giants, your husband sounds like a wonderful man.