Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

Thanks so much mummylin, snowflake, and ssd. I second what ssd said, you are such a lovely person and please know we will be right with you on Friday at the funeral you have to go to holding your hand and ready to give you a hug after. I find it hard hearing that song best of times i couldn't imagine a funeral, what a special person you are.
so many of you on here too have been very supportive to me so thank you so much. xx

Yes not long now, although we knew by now she wasn't coming back to us, it is very different to what i had got used too the feeling, the rubbish feeling in the morning when she had just passed has come back, i do feel like ive taken a back ward step, but i also know my mum has been around and giving me support too and that feeling i just cant explain.
i haven't been too bad today funny enough, rocky this morning but felt better, i lit her candle and i have spoke to her. I think it will be more the night she passed which is the 12th April god i cant believe ive got to do this all again!! I absolutely am missing her so much of the day though again!

Thanks again for all your thoughts xxx

oh and hi to biscuits, thanks also to you too. im going to get back to you xx

Good morning ladies, ( and gents if there is any lurking)

Feel okay today, its dps 30th birthday this week so im a busy bee trying to get a few suprises in. he is impossible to buy for he is a 60 year old man trapped in a 30 year olds body i think so he will have an abundance of gardening stuff and i will have to probably walk sideways into the house because the hall is full of compost. sigh.
it keeps him busy though and the garden looks nice.

Been missing mum alot lately, less tears but more just total disbelief. Had my rant at those saying oh bet you wish you had stayed at uni now you would be so much better off. i wouldnt be, id of ended up dropping out a total mess but i know better. none of them know what it was like to be with her on her worst days and listen to her cry and beg not to be here anymore and i wouldnt wish it on anyone else but just once i wish they understood what its like and didnt peg me as some feckless lazy bint who just couldnt be arsed.

Hope you went on okay T, be thinking of you over the next week or so and lighting my candle. ssd hope you are okay too. Mummylin i really do hope that you get through friday okay, take it one step at a time your a brave lady for even going!

snowflake, I'm pissed of on your behalf

who do these bloody people think they are, telling us how to live our lives? Like you I seen mum every week for years, seen her through all the hard times and made the difficult decisions for her on my own. With no bloody help from anyone. Yet, like you, certain people think they can tell me how I should just get on with my life,( the day after her funeral,) with no regard for the time and years we spent together. Well you know what, they can all piss off, they were no good when she was alive and even less help when she died. To anyone telling you what you should be doing, well ignore them too. One thing I know I have none of is regrets...I was there for my mum and so were you, and anyone who tells you what to do can sod off!!

I have just realised something. When I went to the crem yesterday the Easter eggs I placed there for mum and sister were gone.it could not of been squirrels as there was no paper mixed up in the earth and they would not of been able to carry them off.i reckon someone removed them and if that is right ,I hope they bloody choke on them.

snowflakes I know it's easy to say but you have to ignore those who are criticising you for leaving uni. You know that you did what was right for you and your mum at the time. I'm sure that your mum was glad to have you with her xx

mummylin I think you are very brave going to the funeral on Friday. Do the gardeners clear up the crem? I know our one they clear dying flowers etc every Wednesday. But you're right, if someone has taken them then what scum.

t875 Hope you're feeling a bit better today.

Love to all xx

Just got to tell you all this very strange thing that happened today. As u know by now I do believe my mum is around me but I also know we aren't all in the belief. but thought I'd share. Xx

me and my mum were/ are creative, she loved it when I done my sewing cross stitch etc. she knitted, crochet, made cards like me. I'm def her. anyway I took my children to a seeing shop as my eldest wants to make herself something with my help. The lady asked me if I sew I said yeah I've done a few courses but that's it. I said but I don't get time now so I don't bother.

At that moment I was compelled to look to the side of me and there was a book and on the front was SEW and MY name on it!! I couldn't believe it! So I picked up that it was my mum saying for me to start up my sewing!! I get a strong feeling of this too! X

mummylin, just to reassure you re the eggs. It's entirely likely birds or animals carried them off.
I recently put some out for an egg hunt in my own garden. We have no neighbours but plenty of wildlife.
Two hours later when the hunt began two eggs had gone! We eventually found one shredded wrapper several yards from the hiding place but the other disappeared without trace.
It could only have been birds or animals
Hope this reassures you

yup thats your mum t875 , just when you needed a little reassurance x

I hope you are right selba thanks for posting that. That is a far better explanation than thinking someone has taken them.
[t875] that's sound wonderful. Did you buy the book. ? So now you know ,you have to get your sewing stuff out. You have been told. !!

Ahh thanks ssd I couldn't believe it! Got the reassurance eh. The kids were shocked too! Hope your going along ok will get back 2 u xx

Mummylin - yeah I bet it was squirrels/ animals. If it was people then I agree! Let's hope a dodgy tummy comes into their day!

Snowflake - ppl are just bloody cruel. I've been shocked by a few so called friends. Last time I will ever b there for them! They aren't worth your time hun. We're here anytime! (()) and thanks for your lovely words and candle. x

Biscuits - hope your going along not too bad x
Will get back x
Selba - nice to hear from you, hope your going along not too bad x

Hi,

I've come along to join your thread on the recommendation of t875

My mum sadly passed away in the early hours of Saturday morning. She was admitted to hospital on Wednesday evening after we were alerted to her not turning up for work on Wednesday morning. She had had a massive stroke located in the middle of the base of the brain resulting in her going downhill quickly.
It appears that she went to work as normal on Tuesday, and was particularly happy - telling all her colleagues about my sons baptism on Easter Sunday. She left work and went to the bank and the pet shop before getting the bus home. Once at home, she went online for a couple of hours where her last post was at 5pm. She appears to have come downstairs and made a butty and a brew and also put her tea on to cook and has had the stroke on her way back through the hall to go back upstairs while her meal cooked. My sister tried to call her at about 6pm so we believe it happened between 5pm and 6pm on Tuesday.
This means that she was all alone on the cold hall floor all Tuesday evening, night and Wednesday daytime until I was alerted and went round at 4.30pm Wednesday!!!
Once the police gained access to the house, as she was locked in, we found that she was still breathing and her eyes were able to follow us although there was no movement.
Once in A&E and on fluids, she appeared to improve ever so slightly over night and on Thursday we spent all day with her - she rested all morning and woke in the afternoon where she followed us with her eyes, even seeming to look at pictures when we said 'look, we've brought pics of gc'. We also had ever so slight movement of the toes and hand.
OnFriday, she appeared to have gone downhill again and she never gained consciousness throughout the day. The stroke consultant came to us at about 4pm and told us she was back on the Liverpool Care Pathway and it was up to us whether we wanted to continue fluids and oxygen, in which case we would have 'around 4 days' or remove all support and we would have 'around 24 hours'
We said we needed to wait for my sister to arrive before we could make a final decision but we believed she would agree with us in not letting our dear mum suffer any more than she needed to.
At 7pm all support was removed and we sat there and watched our mum slip away from us, and back into the arms of our dear dad who died 23 years ago. She passed away peacefully at 4am Saturday.

I hate the thought that she was lay on the hall floor for so long. She must have been freezing! She must have thought that no-one was going to find her, or at least wondering how long it would be until someone would find her. Arghhh, so many things whirring through my mind!!!

Im 28 years old and I have no parents! I don't feel old enough to be alone in the world. I know i'm not really alone - I have my DH and new DS but what do I do without a mum or dad about??

Sorry it's so long - and i'm sure i'm not the only one on here with a sorry tale to tell so I don't want to monopolise but just wanted to get it all down.
Thanks for reading.
xx

Hello kafri and welcome to this thread although I am very sorry that you are. What a terrible time you are having and how sad the way it happened. You were not to know that your mum was on the floor so please don't beat yourself a about it. We have no way of knowing what is going to happen at any time , several of us on here have had an awful shock when mum / dad died unexpectedly. It is a terrible shock for you and sadly this takes a time to recover from.but we can help if you let us.we are all trying to make sense of the fact that our loved one has left us. But we are all helping each other. Please join us if we can help you,even if you want to have a rant about anything that's fine ,we will listen to you. Sorry for your loss.

I have taken some comfort from the fact that everything points to her being fine and dandy up until she collapsed. I kind of think that had she felt unwell, she would have

a. said something to someone at work
b. not bothered going to bank/pet shop/shop etc and just gone home.
c. not gone online or made tea but gone straight to bed.

just need to stoo winding myself up about whether she was aware while she was collapsed alone. eaier said than done...

Hi Kafri, welcome here, it is very supportive and you will get a lot of support, we have all ranted and raved about friends, family, shoppers shops everything. So please come here anytime.

How very sad that your mum showed signs, that must be even harder for you. Its very strange my mum passed between 5-6 am.
hope today isnt going too bad for you. x

Cant believe margaret thatcher died of a stroke it sounds like a big one too, possibly like some of our loved ones passed on. Ill be so annoyed now if they make a big thing about what they can do for them etc..it was interesting when they said she had afew mini strokes before i wonder now if my mum did but you never would have known!! Although i saw a pic of me and her today and my god she looked like she was 80! I know she will kill me for that remark! lol but it does make you think!! I think strokes are becoming very common, i am very scared sometimes when i think about how my mum went although peaceful for her, shocking and awful for us, but im scared this is going to happen to me but then ive tried not to think about it.
xx

the doctor did a ct scan and said that it looked like she had suffered some previous small bleeds which she probably wouldn't have known about - perhaps felt a bit of headache and thought no more of it!
I've not read anything about Thatcher yet, will have a look at the news now.

oh, can anyone point me in the right direction regarding probate please. how do I go about applying for it? and I suppose I should start with 'what is it'?

As far as I can recall , probate gave us access to the bank accounts. I was in such a daze at the time. But I do recall having to go to mums solicitor,who had drafted in another solicitor so we could swear on oath to god knows what. I thin it took about 3 weeks to be Approved. I do know that at various places we had to show identity,like your passport or utility bill. this was impossible for me becaus all bills are in dh name.but I did have a hosp apt letter and they accepted that. They just photo copied everything. I have no idea why one solicitor has to then get another one in ( which we had to pay on the day we did the oath ) do you have property to sell as well ? Hope you will have someone to help you through it all. t875 hope you had a settled day today. Although I'm sure your brain is still in overdrive and will be until Friday. The next few days will soon be gone and it will be another chapter to face.

mummylin - i know what you mean, best get the sewing out again, although looks like ive been roped in with my eldest tomorrow as she wants to make herself a top. Sooo looks like im busy tomorrow

Its so up and down emotions about my mum, a part of me feels a relief to have got over the horrendous night, but then all i keep saying is i want her back, i hate it and i hate it!! Feel anger again! Is this normal mummylin??

Kafri - Im sorry i know nothing about probate, but hopefully someone will be on who can. They done a CT scan on my mum but they didnt say she had anything else wrong, i wish we saw the scans, we didnt..i still go back and forth with thinking to see them again, but decided to not too. xx

that's the silly thing. there are 3 of us - im the youngest but they've just sort of left me to it. not completely but pretty much. ive called all the financial people, ive been at mums house cleaning and sorting things etc while they've sort of just bobbed in and out to offer little bits of help here and there if you see what i mean.
its a bit frustrating but it all needs doing to lay mum to rest in peace. x

[t875] I have no clue what is normal,I suppose normal is whatever you feel. I don't think there is a set of rules for grief. You know how you feel , so that is normal for you. Somehow it's probably best to have all the different emotions,somehow it helps. I think we have to go through all different things and this is what eventually will help us all move on. Everyone does things at their own pace,for some they may only need a few months and they can accept and move on,for us on here it is taking longer. But that is probably normal too. I don't feel angry myself but I do have a lot of mistrust about why my mum died. Thatis what I think about the most. Did they do everything they could etc. I was angry in the first month when I was convinced the hosp had killed my mum, but the logical side of me deep down knows this isn't what happened, but now and again I think this again.its just the way our brains are wired up and grief can do some strange things and I think that blame is one of the things we look for. My mum died, so it must be someone's fault. Oh god I am rambling. away here and getting myself confused I know what I am thinking but hard to turn it into written words.basically however you feel at the time is right for you ! X

Huge kisses for you M XXXXXXX

Oh how lovely to see you, I will have to stalk you and find where you are ! Hope you are doing ok well and happy !! Greetings to removal man !!
I am so happy to see you ,seems ages since we spoke, love to you all x

I know exactly that you mean mummylin. I cannot believe how much our scenario is the same. I too for the first month kept saying did they do enough and actually re named the consultant dr death! But like you them thoughts went away but creep up from time to time more so ATM I guess as we're living In it all over again. ( she was in the coma right now) last year.
I totally agree with what you put here! X

Glad you could understand what I meant! Yes for you it's a horrible week, living through it all over again but it will soon be Friday and after that it will be time to take a deep deep breath and on we go again, to get through the following months. We will get there,you, me and the rest of us. We will all eventually find peace,it will just take time. Together we can all do this, I know we can. I will think of you on fri, I will be also thinking of my mum as I go off to the other funeral.i really am dreading hearing the same song. I went and ordered the flowers yesterday which will be delivered to funeral home. Can't believe she has died and it all started with her wringing out a bloody mop! On the other hand I am looking forward to having a bit of peace and quiet as its the day dh goes off for his footi ( and pub ) trip !!! 5 days of peace and quiet. Bliss

my sis friend has seen a psychic and she mentioned her and us. things that my sis hadn't told her friend.its put me on edge a bit I so want to believe it but I've never really been in to all that.