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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

979 replies

mummylin2495 · 08/12/2012 19:28

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

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mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 01:38

I am sorry you had to suffer that terrible time and I understand why you say your dad s dead to you. So in way you did have a bereavement just not in the same way we all have on here. I hope despite everything you have a happy life now and that any bad memories are fading, like all of us on this thread, it's sometimes so hard to move on. But we are all doing our best. No nothing confrontational on this thread. Only support .

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HoveringKestrel · 30/04/2013 01:48

That was my mistake, sorry. And thank you for your support, I want nothing from this site but friends. But please don't say sorry. I don't feel sorry for myself so I don't want it from anyone else. I only meant it in a .... loss parent way. Thank you for being lovely. I was just making a contribution to a post whom probably lost more than I did.

HoveringKestrel · 30/04/2013 02:06

I hope someone else posts and mine is not the last. That would be bad.

ssd · 30/04/2013 08:17

hi, hovering kestral, how hard a thing for you to deal with, if it helps keep posting here, you have suffered a form of bereavement, just a bit different from the rest of us. But some of the things we post and chat about may strike a chord with you, if it helps in anyway thats a good thing.

thanks for the answers I've been getting, it really does help to get it off my chest, really lifts me a bit. Part of my worries is not getting it out, but on here I can and thats such a good thing. I need to stop mithering and start getting on with the future, its just really hard to change your DNA isnt it. I'm a born worrier and fusser, not one of lifes stroll though types, maybe I can learn to relax more.

hope the job's going well t875 and you meet some nice people, makes all the difference doesnt it.

and mummylin, your are a star, you really are.

vlad, snowflakes, biscuits, manz, thinking of you girls too xxx

mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 10:20

I. Think you are right ssd you need to get it out of your system somehow.you cannot let your uncaring family control your life.i think the old saying about not being able to choose your family is right. Have you thought about writing down all your thoughts ? However you choose to do it, once you can accept they are not going to change, then you can go forward. You will be ok. We will help you get there. Xx

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likesnowflakesinanocean · 30/04/2013 10:22

ds is really poorly his entire eye is swollen shut, wish I had mum to go to for advice she ajways knew just wat to say. I'm running on empty after sleeping on his floor. on the plus side everyone is occupied fussing about ds . I appreciate them all pitching in after my op but I hate being fussed over just like to keep on. mum is always in my thoughts, but I feel calmer than before. I don't think I will ever be able to have another baby, I couldnt face having a child she will never know but I wasn't too fussed in the first place so its not a major life change plan

likesnowflakesinanocean · 30/04/2013 10:24

I think the same SSD some family will never change or accept that their ways aren't the norm. better for u to move along than feel constantly waiting for them to behave acceptably. write it all down, then burn it. roast marshmallows whilst burning and start a whole new chapter where u do what's best for u and surround yourself with people who make you happy not drag you down..much love to you all, only a pm away x

mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 10:26

Oh poor little boy. Is it an infection or a bite ? They are hard work aren't they snowflakes I haveno idea how my sister copes with twin babies and she is an older mum. I would be tearing my hair out. Glad you are a bit happier and hope you are recovering from your op.

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Manz39 · 30/04/2013 10:53

Big hugs to everyone. I saw a lady from Cruse for several months and found it to be very helpful so would recommend it to anyone. I used to talk to her about all kinds of things and she gave me lots of helpful advice. I wasn't always very good at taking it though!
ssd I'm sorry that your family is so unsupportive. I agree with everyone else, unfortunately you can't change other people, you just have to let it go and get on with your own life. Easier said than done I know!

mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 11:04

Ooh only 40 posts to go. I can't believe we have between us all posed a thousand posts! We must be chatter boxes, and then there are the other threads we had before this ! manz glad you found cruse helpful. I think whatever helps anyone is good . Lovely sunny day here today. It's so lovely to be able to have the windows open and the washing on the line.

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t875 · 30/04/2013 11:30

Can't stop today I'm afraid as I'm off out then working, but just wanted to say
Snowflake hope you little ones eye gets better! X

likesnowflakesinanocean · 30/04/2013 11:51

is an infection. he hates the drops screams place Down but he is a bit cheerier today. I am doing okay just super tired

ssd · 30/04/2013 17:42

snowflakes heres a tip my mum used to tell me, rub his eye with a gold ring, if he'll let you, this is supposed to help with an eye infection xxx

mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 19:50

We used to do that if we had a sty coming. !

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ssd · 30/04/2013 20:25

yes it was for a sty, thats it! same as a silk scarf for a sore throat, I use that one now!

mummylin2495 · 30/04/2013 21:11

Funny how the old remedies keep going isn't it. !

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ssd · 01/05/2013 16:14

just seen this from another poster, it sums up how I feel about my siblings

"It's not that you want them to do everything - it's just that you'd like them to care enough to think of you.

We've just been through an awful few months with homelessness etc and the lack of support from my big family has caused more of a lasting effect then anything else.

I very quickly came to realise I am the doormat of the family and nothing that I have done for them will ever be returned.

I've never been able to say anything to them about it though. It somehow seems too tantrumy to bring up doesn't it?"

likesnowflakesinanocean · 01/05/2013 16:20

hey ssd how are you doing? i can see what you mean but it cant be good to keep saying nothing and feeling trod down. id definatly be thinking of who i do favours for and go out of my way for

mummylin2495 · 01/05/2013 16:34

I'm afraid I would of lost the plot by now, I am not generally known in my family to keep quiet about anything ! How dare they treat you as though you are not important and to appreciate what you did for your mum. Too up their own arses to think about anyone else it seems. You don't need them ssd you are a far nicer person than any of them seem to be.

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Kafri · 01/05/2013 20:52

Me again...

So, i've just found out that my boss will not let me return to work PT after my Mat leave ends in July.... I know she's under no obligation to let me go back PT but it really is just adding to my problems at the minute.

I'm making headway with all the admin to do with my mum. It has been quite therapeutic in some ways - I feel like i'm doing something worthwhile for her, making sure everything is sorted properly. Don't get me wrong, I wish we still had her here but this is all I have left that I can do for her now...

I spoke with the medium today aswell. I think it went well. She said she couldn't speak directly with mum as she was still receiving healing on the other side but she said she was able to speak with my dad who passed away 23 years ago. She said Dad says mum is fine and isn't suffering and also that she didn't suffer while she was poorly. She seemed to know that mum had passed very suddenly and quickly and that she was fleetingly conscious while in hospital. She said that she wasn't able to know that we were there with her until after she had died when she apparently hovered above her body and saw us all there before going off to, well, wherever we go...
She said dad had mentioned that May was significant to me and that he was sending me pink roses?? Well, it's my birthday tomorrow so I guess that's significant.
She said dad was telling her I mustn't blame myself for anything or feel like I could have done everything differently

Don't get me wrong, I know that everything she said could be coincidence and i'm not exactly taking it as proof, but if it helps me to stop feeling awful about her being alone for 24 hours before we found her. I don't think I blame myself exactly - I was with her all day Sunday, and spoke to her on the Monday before the stroke happened on the Tuesday - I just feel bad that it happened at a time when she ended up alone for so long before anyone knew. If it had happened a few hours earlier than it did ten she would still have been out at work and would have had help immediately.

Having said all they, if it hadn't happened at all then she'd still be here....

Well, 29 tomorrow. I'm a grown up with a husband and son of my own yet I don't feel old enough to not have any parents.

Hope everyone's week is going well xxx

BiscuitsandBaileys · 01/05/2013 21:17

Sorry that your work are causing you problems kafri
I know how you feel about being too young to have no parents as I'm 3 years older than you and have lost both of mine. I sometimes feel jealous of older people who still have theirs. Dh still has a set of grandparents and I think he's very lucky.
The medium sounds very good and like she got lots right.
Happy birthday for tomorrow

Hi to everyone xx

t875 · 01/05/2013 23:24

Awe Kafri, bless you!! Hope you have a good birthday the best you can and how lovely the pink roses and you just happened to go to the medium the day before your birthday and your dad sent you the roses. @-'.-- heres another one!!

Your medium was very good! Is it someone you went to see??

Biscuits - Hello will get back soon as i can hun. Hope your going along ok xx

Mummylin - hello hope your all well there!! xx

Ssd - You do deserve better!! Were be your family!! People like that aren't worth it! //hugsxx

snowflake - Hope little ones eye is better now!! xx

right best shoot as work tomorrow and its very busy but going along ok and lovely people i feel very lucky as my last place was so nasty and the girls were a bunch of nasty woman.

ssd · 02/05/2013 08:23

happy birthday kafri, hope today is a good as it can be

am rushing to get kids to school, thanks for all lovely messages and a big hello to everyone xx

mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 11:02

Happy birthday kafri hope you have a great day. I have started a new thread but having trouble doing the link on iPad. Will try again but someone else may have to do that bit !

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mummylin2495 · 02/05/2013 11:22

new thread here

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