Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

I wish he understood a bit more why I'm sad, I have lost my purpose I think. she needed me and I needed her too

I think that women are much more sensitive than men,I know my dh doesn't really understand why I am still so sad after all these months,but I know it will never go away.in spite of having my own adult children,my life will never be entirely happy again.i cannot be happy without my mum. I used to see her nearly every day and now I can't say to dh when he gets home " oh mum came round today, and bought you some best root / cake / runner beans, but it doesn't sink in to him how sad I feel and how my heart will never ever mend. I can't bear to think of her in her last minutes feeling scared and with none of us there with her. It is heartbreaking and you are not alone snowflakes. Xx

I'm not ok today Getting through been tough times.
Tomorrow is the day my mum had the stroke my dad is staying here so hes not in their bed tomorrow night. It's raw as hell! Can't honestly believe I don't have my mum anymore my god Miss her! :'( Its very hard on and off, and I don't even want to think that last year Tomorrow night is the last time i will ever have conversation with my mum.
This time last year NOTHING said that what happened to my mum was ever going to happen!! I just cant believe it!

Biscuits - Will get back to you!! Love your tattoo!! Really nice and Im sure it means a lot to your parents too. xx

Mummylin - We havent had much snow here, did you get a lot?

snowflakes - I really know how your feeling a huge hug to you, it is a very raw when we get them feelings, we are here anytime you want a chat about your mum. Very sad i know. Such a loss isnt it {{hugs}}

ssd - Hi, hope your ok and going along not too bad speak soon. xx

xx

t875 this is an awful time for you and I know how you are feeling,it's just awful and you live through every minute all over again. You have my sympathy will be thinking of you over the weekend I know it will all feel so new all over again.
No we didn't have a lot of snow it was just little flurries, although it came down quite heavy for a few minutes.but wasn't even enough for a covering.
We are actually going out tonight.the owners son of the cafe we go to on a Friday is having a birthday party and wants us all to go,so we will go for awhile just to show willing.he left us an invite addressed to" the Friday crazees. " we had to laugh. Not sure but think its a 30 th. my brothers and my niece all invited, not sure if they are all going but dh and I and my niece and her dh and prob one brother and sis in law ,will be some of us there at least.

Thanks mummylin I seriously can't stop crying and rethinking over and over and just wanting her back with me. I know she is around me I feel her but I physically want her here. Does it get easier on the day? Worst thing is she actually passed next Friday she was in a coma for a week. I can't believe we lost our mums the same way mummylin. They were the same age too weren't they, 65?! X

t875, I'm sorry your feeling so low, I know you're really feeling it bad. I'm thinking of you xx

snowflakes, your post about having no purpose is exactly how I'm feeling, mum needed me and I needed her too, I feel exactly the same...have too much time to think about everything here too

its awful how you can just feel so low and so sad...and so very alone

am thinking of you all xx

sorry to hear we are all feeling collectively shit today, free to pm anyone who wants a chat. i do think thats the worst, one date for each new development. mum was also unconscious for a week after them telling us. it was their wedding anniversary on the day before she actually died. i like to think she wanted to make it two years x

is it or Personally i need my god, feeling slightly a bit better now but in and out thoughts and sadness and thinking what i could have done different last year this time. I couldnt do nothing i know that, but my god its hard. Saw nothing, yes she was tired but that was it.

snowflake - so very sorry to hear your mum was in a coma too that absolutely killed me, seeing her laying there but knowing she wasnt coming back to us, the b*&^%$ consultant, probably nice bloke but i named him a fe choice names!! he left us 4 hours walking round my mums bed after she come off the sedation hoping and praying when he knew the results of my mums brain scan and he knew she wasnt coming back to us!! WHY leave us 4 hours?!! Caught him on his mobile a few times too!! We could have known a lot sooner!! Then back and forth all week knowing she wasnt coming back but couldnt leave her, was so very very hard xx

BIG GROUP HUG{{{{}}}}}

It is a terrible time, the first anniversary of everything.you wish you could go back a few days and that things had turned out so differently. It is so upsetting remembering every little thing and always thinking of the what ifs.what if it hadnt been the weekend and a consultant had been around ,what if she had gone into hospital on Thursday instead of Saturday and then there would of been a consultant.what if they hadnt given her the blood thinner, then the sac round her heart would not of burst and killed her.oh I can't bear to think of it. It has broken my heart which will never mend.xxx

God ive got the same crap feeling like i did when i lost her last hear in the morning!! Feels like I have been taken right back to when i lost her, the horrible shakey feeling in the morning and mummylin you are so right i have so much going over in my head right now i feel i want to go back to the hospital and just see where she was but i know thats only going to be hard for me.

Im not too bad today, but im defianately finding it harder. xx
snowflake - I didnt see your message about hubby, I cant imagine it must be very hard to feel the grief and not feel you have the support of hubby, can you guys go out for a meal and talk to him about your feelings??

Thinking of you all xxx

t875 I really empathise with you,it is an awful time especially as there was a gap between your mum having the stroke and finally losing her life. It's no good telling you not to dwell on it because I know you will / are. All I can say is that these awful days will soon be over.i think most people must do exactly the same thing each year,especially for the first anniversary.take care xx

Thank you so much mummylin. Don't honestly know what I would have done without this group.

God this is it my mum went to bed and that's it. This time last year!! Just crap! I carry on now with her in my heart and around me leaving me my messages and feeling her love. My god. It's been very hard. Feel for my dad he's here so he's not at home. I never bloody knew what was round the corner for my mum in the night last year!! miss her so much!!

Thanks for the support everyone! You guys have been a better support than my family xx very hard night of looking back over and over. X x

Thank you so much to everyone for your support!! Xx pm's --
here, you have helped me through horrendous times!
To share my feelings, anger, sadness has helped me loads. Xx

The awful night from last year is now nearly over you just have the rest of the day today ( Sunday) to get through.we are all behind you sending you hope for the future and feeling your pain. I was the same as you and did not know when I went to bed on that sat night that my mum only had a few hours to live,neither did she. You must of had a terrible shock ,the same as I did and I think that made it so hard to accept, and why I never will. But as I have said before [t875] With all of us basically in the same position and understanding each other we can and will get through these bad times. Eventually we will come to terms with it all and learn to accept we cannot change things. I personally don't think many of us have reached the acceptance stage yet so we must keep this thread going ,not just for us but for new people too who will be in terrible despair.we can help those people through what has happened to us. Thinking of you [t885] sending everyone xxxx

Thank you mummylin, thanks for being with me, and i know others have been too i really feel you all are with me, and let me tell you im with you all too. You are right mummylin, we need to keep this thread we will be able to help each other and new people coming in. United we all stand.
your also right the shock of how i lost my mum its very very hard. Luckily my dad has gone to sleep but im downstairs worrying if hes ok. We still do have to go through tomorrow, we knew by 10 am tomorrow though that there wasn't a massive chance my mum was going to be coming back to us. Must have been such a shock for you too mummylin and im always here for you pm or here for you to talk too vent or what ever you want.

Hope everyone is going along best you can. Hugs all round xxx

yes agree with you both, this thread has literally saved my life, well not literally but emotionally speaking, reading the kind and caring words on here has helped me out so much and I know it'll keep on helping us all out

t875, we're right there with you, just feel us behind you and know your being thought of all the time and your dad too

xx

Glad you have your dad with you,must be hard for him too, only another few hours and the worst day of your life will be over.thos will be the worst anniversary for you , the future ones will still be sad but this first one is the worst. When that is gone you will start to heal a little. Chin up [t875] you are doing well and have got this far. For myself I am now beginning to worry about this other funeral on Friday.i don't know how I will react when I hear mums music. Of course I am sorry the lady has died,but this is not my immediate family and so it's different,it's the music I am concerned about.[ssd] hang on in there we are all doing well really in our own ways and can only look forward to better days to come.

mummylin, you are so nice, you really are, your like an angel sent to help us all

ssd what a lovely thing to say,but I am no angel unless angels swear a lot at times,but thank you for the thought behind it.i think that's one of the nicest things I have ever had said to me xxx

well your an angel to me xx

I don't think my dh would agree with you at all in fact most. Of my family liken me to the devil ! That's because I am the most outspoken and bossy !!!! But they all laugh at me and know what to expect if they annoy me. But I am lucky my family are all lovely and spoil me rotten when its birthday and Xmas,in fact one of my brothers bought me an Easter egg this year and he has never done that in his life !!!
Been up to the crem today to put fresh soil on both graves and some new plants and flowers in the vases. Looked nice when I had finished but I did end up with backache. I have sent all my siblings photos because I know that no_one will go there until its mums birthday in a couple of weeks.even then they won't all go. I don't understand it.
I am sure that stores these days look for the idiots of the world to employ we went to b& q to buy a bag of soil and asked the person who was working in the dept where it was.he said we had to go to the builders dept,but my dh looked around and there it was, right by all the compost !!! Makes me mad.anyway that is my my gripe of the day and all ended well.

Been thinking of you T and hope you are going along as best can be. There isnt much i can say other than to take each day as you feel and dont force anything. if you want to be angry then do so. im sure you can find a cup to smash, if you want to do as little as possible then so be it vice versa. be kind to you and those around you who are struggling. it is so hard and i find that dates take on a whole new meaning. I am not yet at a year but i know it wont just be one day, it will be the day the told us, the day they rang and made us get there fast, their wedding anniversary, the day it happened. infact if i could sleep through next november i probably would so i can imagine how you are feeling, but i am thinking of you, lighting a little candle and wishing you well.

ssd how are you doing? mummylin? the soil rant amused me i agree that its so frustrating asking a store assistant for something and them sending you on a goose chase. the lillies i planted in mums planter have all wilted from cold, put pots over them and hoping they perk up but if not they are coming out dont want half dead things in there. have been busy today but had a bad few days before that. we are really short of money at the minute and a lot of people are getting at me for leaving uni when i did. but i am so glad i did and grateful to dp for supporting us it meant that the year and a half i spent was with mum. it would of broke my heart to not spend that time with her even though i didnt know we would lose her so bloody soon. wish everyone would feck off and keep their opinions to themselves.i wonder if theyd do a 40 hour week travelling uni and placement if their mum was terminally ill. nosy gits.

Take no notice what other people think snowflake none of their business what you decided to do. You did what you thought was right and that's all that matters. Money is a damn nuisance isn't it. Never enough to go Around and even when you think you have some spare ,something crops up and you have to pay for that. I can remember being in very dire straights when I was on my own with my children. I had spent all my money to get my kids their new uniforms but the trousers I bought for my ds were too long .so I duly cut off the excess leg and made a hem. Then it was time to do the other one so I did the same again, or so I thought but I had in fact cut off the first bloody leg I had already cut and sewn !! I had no money for anymore so he ended up having to wear his old trousers on the first day back at school.
It was horrible not having enough cash to go around,but eventually things improved and they will for you too. Hopefully this time next year everything will of improved for you, new house etc.lets keep our fingers crossed. ( and if my sewing tale has given you all a little chuckle I don't mind) but at the time I would of !

t875 only another couple of hours and this first anniversary will be gone. I hope you have coped ok today and your dad too. I heard a saying once which was this " the darkest day is only 24 hours" and it's very true. Thinking of you xx