Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

[mummylin2495]

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

hi t875, I was going to take some daffs to where mum and dads ashes were yday but we took the boys out instead, its a long drive to where the ashed are and with only one car its not convenient sometimes...brilliant though you got the feathers!

hey all how are we all?

feeling naff today, just now and again when things are calm and quiet it hits me that i miss her so much. like i cant breathe for pain :( its horrible. I think its the easter holidays and all the family orientate stuffs. lost my rag on facebook yet again with someone moaning about having to spend the day having lunch with family when they should be hungover in bed, i went bats then deleted. its nice to have a rant now and again at people who cant see whats infront of them.

ds has been a horror these last few weeks i know he misses her very much but having to crack down on behaviour because its making every day hell.
hopefully a better day all round tomorrow. how has easter been for everyone? x

Hello everyone, I have just been given the date of the funeral.it will be on 12th April at ten am. Would you believe it is going to be the same music as we had for my mum,I think that will reduce me to tears.of course it's the very day that dh is going to Barcelona,which is what we feared. But he can't change that and I can go with my dd.it seems to be nothing but bad news all around.hopefully we can have a break from it all for a while. Life does that sometimes doesn't it.throws all this stuff at you all together.snowflakes sometimes when you Arent feeling so good yourself everything seems to irritate you. t875hope you Are ok. To everyone else hope you have all coped over Easters best you could.Today it's a lovely warm sunny day Here for a change,which does lift your spirits a little.

snowflakes, just delete anyone on fb who annoys you, I've had to delete all my family bar, as they things I was reading after my mum dying so upset me I just couldnt take it any longer. I dont mean anything vicious, just so many comments which made me realise my mum passing meant so little to so many people related to me, anyway I hope you can move on from the utter thoughtlessness of people, although from me the relationship is finished.

mummylin, that'll be a very hard day for you, esp with the same choice in music, that'll be so hard for you to listen to

t875, I'm thinking of you on these hard days x always there x

hugs and thoughts to the rest of you

i am at that point with alot of my friendships, i wont bother again after the way ive been treated. it isnt normal to ignore your closest friends when they are in need. feel abt brighter today still struggling with ds though he gets so cross at things but always lets it out the wrong ways, how are we all
mummyling thanks for your words and sorry your family are not supportive
t875 been thinking of you wondering how you are and you too ssd x

Thanks mummylin, ssd, and snow flake.

Not been too bad thanks for thinking of me. I'm sure leading up to next weekend will be tougher. But thank you for your thoughts. Xx

Mummylin - I will be thinking of you for the funeral and if it's flying without wings like we had my god I would be rocked! The 12th is the day my mum passed over. So I know that date. Of all the songs poor you having to hear that. If it is that song.

Ssd - glad you got to go out together on Easter. I am always here for you too anytime. Thanks so much for your support.

Snowflake - yes it's been a shock to me a couple of friends 20 years of friendship I have let crumble as I just havent been able to believe how likd you say I haven't got how are you, how are you feeling. I've had some great special friends though who I only bother with now. Def 2 are gone the friendship has sailed into the distance.

How old is your Ds hun?
Speak to everyone soon. Hope you all on the thread are going along ok. Thinking of you all xxx

It is "you raise me up" except we had it by Danielle o donnel they are having it by westlife. Plus amazing grace and the walk out song is you"ll never walk alone. Two of those will really pull at my heart strings and I know there will be tears. It's so hard to take in that one minute a person is here and then gone ,just like that. Life is so fragile isn't it. Situation not being helped by dd,s ex having another reason to drink.he will be next ,we are almost sure of that. Well it's not a reason it's an excuse. We are dreading the next few months as he is going to inherit and we know it will go on drink and the bookies. Pushing him nearer to his own demise. He already has numerous drink related health problems. A
Though it's not my side of the family,it does concern me because of dd and my grand daughters.i will have to deal with all of them when something bad happens.

had a bath and a general chill out night. my nan gave me some hair shampoo and conditioner before that my mum had given her. used it before and nearly blew my head off. it is mandarin and certainly woke me up none the less!

that sounds like it will be be a hard day, will be thinking of you like i always do for you guys on these dates we all have. at mums we played eagle eye cherry save tonight and the pogues fairytale of new york. I still havent listened to them. my usual festive music channels while wrapping presents this last christmas didnt happen cause i couldnt risk the pogues coming on

Yeah we had raise me up by Daniel o donnell. And flying without wings and another Daniel o donnel one.

The other day I cried my eyes out seeing a black cab on tv as it reminded me when we picked her up from his shows! I bet she sees him everywhere he is now! X

How sad about dds ex! Hopefully he can get the help. Mention to him about cruse. They really have been great in the 4 sessions I had.

Snowflake glad you got to chill out a bit tonight. That sounds like some strong shampoo!! X

i can literally smell mandarin everywhere i turn... sneezeeeee.

I am sneezing so much and bunged up!! How can I be I'll again!! Seriously! I remember when I read for hubbies scalp it said to use tea tree! My god the house smelt like Forrest!

Hi all
I haven't been here for a while. I hope you are all doing ok?
It's now been just over 5 months since mum died. Dd is now 10 months and keeping me busy. I just still can't believe mum has gone. The sadness I am feeling isn't abating and I miss her terribly every day. In also can't stop thinking about the way she died. So suddenly in the car with just me and dd there. I picture her dying. It makes me feel so scared. I feel so vulnerable and that anyone else I love is going to die just as suddenly and unexpectedly. I've also become a terrible hypochondriac!

Oh it's hard isnt it?

hi girls

beachcomber, I think feeling like that after all you've gone through is normal, as you went through something totally traumatic. I really feel for you, I hope your little dd gives you some comfort just being there. I know what you mean about feeling morbid, death is very much at the front of my mind too, I think the only thing that'll help is time.

the funeral songs mentioned sound lovely, very very apt. I don't know what songs we had at mums funeral, I think it was just music, I let my db choose everything, I just couldn't go there. I have a cd of the funeral but haven't listened to it yet, that's for another day. After mum died I couldn't get involved with anything, I let my db choose everything for the funeral. I did everything else.

mummylin, I hope you manage to get through the funeral, will be thinking of you...and of you t875, so much for you both to get through.

After not having any dreams, I've dreamt twice with something to do with my mum. The first dream I dreamt I was holding her hand, I can still feel it, I know it was her hand although I didn't see her. The second dream, last night, I dreamt I was walking towards my cousins house, she lives with her mum, they have both been great to me since my mum died, they are the only family who have been. Well I dreamt I was walking towards their house and the lights were on and it looked all cosy inside but I felt I cant go in, they aren't expecting me, what am I doing here...then I found 2 letters my mum had wrote to me, but I couldn't read what was on them, just words I couldn't make out, its like I cant reach her now, she's there but I cant reach her...and I envy my cousin, she still has her mum and her house looked all warm and cosy inside, like the world when you still have your mum, all cosy and safe and warmth around you. And I felt like I was stood outside her house looking at this world but not being able to go into it anymore, but recognising it as I once had this too.

Have any of you had dreams since your loss?

Hi Everyone,
I can't believe I've just stumbled onto this thread today of all days. It's three years today that my lovely dad passed away. I've just had a walk to the glen with the kids to where his ashes are scattered, not morbid we had a lovey walk with a treasure map and found chocolate gold coins left by the Easter bunny aka me. It's a glorious day and have just sat down with a cup of tea and MN and found this thread. I'm going to read through all the posts, probably have a wee cry and post back later. Thanks to you all and much love. Bxxx

Welcome to you babs glad you have managed to find us. It sounds like you had a lovely time on your walk. You are further down the line from most of us but its good to see that three years on you are coping well.
ssdyes I have had two dreams with my mum in them,but the strange thing is that in neither of them did mum speak to me.it all felt so real.beachcombernice to see you' how have you been finding the last few weeks ?

I think that's it as time goes by you learn to cope and as my mother puts it put a face onit, or as my dad like to say smile and wave boys smile and wave. The sadness and the heartache never goes though and I think about him everyday, miss him like mad. He was an amazing man, taught us how to live and taught us how to die. He was able to still talk to us all right up until two hours before he died. He told us all to live our lives and not be sad, no tears. We all blew that one as he was talking, and most of all no regrets. I try and live by that now but the not being sad I find impossible sometimes, especially today. I haven't read all the posts yet but to all of you who are just at the beginning of your journey have a hand hold from all of us here at BabsAndTheRu. I remember all the sympathy cards that came and one in particular really summed it up for me, it simply said 'Live will never be the same just different'. I found great comfort from that as that's how it is. Love to you all.

Hi all
Mummylin I've been up and down. The grief just hits in waves. It still just feels surreal. Whenever I go to mums house which we are selling, I swear she could still be there.

. Ssd you are right, at least I have my dd to give me comfort and she really does. :-)

I hope you are all bearing up. It's a long road isn't it. Xx

Babsandtheru thinking of you today. Anniversaries are always hard. The third anniversary of my dads death is also coming up soon. Hugs xx

you know, my dad died 14 years ago and he's come back to help me get over mums death as clear as anything...to me anyway of course

thinking of you all xxx

Hi Babs - that's a lovely thought. One of my friends from university said when my mum died "she's not gone - she lives on in you" and it was so reasssuring I still get a bit teary when I think of it.

I got a bit choked seeing someone in a wheelchair yesterday - I only managed to take mum out in the chair once, which ended up with DH making the wheelchair do wheelies through a large puddle with screeches of amusement from DD and mum laughing about how '..and I was hoping for a nice, respectful son-in-law who would look after me in my old age, not one that gets me doing extreme sports in a wheelchair!" I guess I'm still at the stage where I think "you know, it's been ages since I saw her, I should really pop round for a chat.." and then remember. It's kind of hard feeling I don't really have anyone like that any more (luckily I do, but they're at the other end of the country which means I can't just drop over when I feel things are getting tough - so much harder if you don't even have that).

That said, we had a lovely weekend with my cousins (we lost my aunt four years ago who was like an extra mum to me) and we were thinking how similar it all was to when we were small. The kids disappeared for hours on end, we kept hearing frantic giggling from them and occasionally had a visit from one of them saying 'keep the noise down! The cat's trying to sleep!'. Haven't laughed that much in ages; just wish everyone was a bit closer geographically!

The scan is on the 15th and I can't wait - the bump is getting a lot more noticeable. Completely stuck on Sean as a name so at this rate we'll have another girl...

Hello all, it is snowing here ! We very rarely get any so it's surprising, hope you are all warm and indoors. It's been freezing here today. Thinking of you all. xx

Hi all.

beachcombergirl I don't envy you selling your mum's house. We will be selling mum and dads house but haven't even begun to clear it. Don't know where to start on that. Has it taken you long?

vlad glad you enjoyed your weekend, sounds fun!

So I got my tattoo! I think I have managed to put a picture on my profile although it's sideways! It's on the inside of my lower arm with the blue butterfly just above my wrist. I know they're not everyones cup of tea but I love it.

Love to all xx

biscuits your tattoo is beautiful, what a lovely tribute to your parents. How long did it take to do ? It took us ages to clear my mums house,we would go there and then decide we couldn't face it and go home. Think it was about 6 or 7 months later when we finally had it finished. We sent all the big furniture to British heart foundation and lots of other things went to a hospice shop which looks after children ( Naomi house ) where a friends son had died. It was heartbreaking rooting through all mums things and coming across things that upset us silly things like shopping lists etc.but it all got done in the end and yes I kept all the little lists ! Xx

not a good day today, feel so low. things are still tough at home and i would normally escape to mums for a bru and a cake. been looking through her photos and just having a cry. Why did it have to be my mum. Dp doesnt get it he is a homebody and can potter about but i am bored witless and when im bored i overthink. have been a right misery today but all im asking is to go for a walk or to pop out for a little while to give me a rest from thinking.

It's very hard to just cut your brain off to stop you thinking.the more you try not to think. The more you seem to do it.i keep going back to the morning mum died and I make up all the different scenarios and what offs. I find it all very hard to accept,especially as mum was not even ill. How can that happen to someone so fit? I don't think I can ever accept it. I hope you get your walk and that you get some respite from over thinking things. I know it's difficult and so so sad. But sadly we can't bring them back, although I would give anything to be able to do that as I'm sure you would too. It's prob not helping because of the neighbour situation. [ thanks] xx