Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

chipmonkey you have helped me a great deal with thinking about Christmas as just another day without Flora and nothing special, I need things like that to help me get things in perspective. Just think it will be hard as childhood has left this house suddenly as my other girls are 11 and 15 and quite grown up for their ages, it is all just wrong.
Hope you are all OK today and getting by.

fioled, at th eback of the we were gonna have a baby but had an angel instead, theres an advert for a book from the same range its called someone came before you, its for the child that comes after the one who died.

dd also has one that was given to her from the vicar, its called pip on the edge of heaven, thats nice, its about explaining heaven to a child, its a childrens book.

3girlies, i find it helps me too, telling myself what chip said, its just another day

is any one else doing that oxford university study?

so far ive only opened the envelop, i was thinking of getting it out tonight

its quite thick, thicker than i thought it would be

Hello, I am sorry for just droppng into your thread like this, I came here bacause I had a little sister who died of cot death when I was about 5. My parents have never once mentioned her since (I am in my 30s), although I of course remember her and everything. I was thinking that reading might make me feel closer to this part of them or understand it somehow, I apologise if that is wrong of me. I just cried so much to read how much you are caring and talking to and showing your feelings to your other children. This is so good and so right I think. I know my parents did their best in their tragedy, my heart breaks for them and for me and for you. i just wanted to say that keeping talking to your children seems to me the best thing. I wish my family had been able to do this but I understand it was too hard for them. Apologies again for my intrusion on here. Love to you all x

thanks three little rabbits, it nice to hear from someone who has been through this from the childs pov.
my dd was 4 not that far off five when ds died,so the same age as you were, so do you have any other tips to help her through, or any thing you wish your parents or other people would have done to help you at the time?

do you mind me asking this but do you remember your sister at all?
i wonder if my dd will only remember ds because we talk about ds and do things to remember him, suppose i worry that will be one of her first memories

3littlerabbits >

I think back in "those days" people were advised to move on quickly and from what I have heard, as soon as a baby died, friends and neighbours moved in very quickly to remove all traces of the baby as it was thought that reminders of the child would be painful.
How wrong that was As if we ever would need a reminder! The memories of our children never, ever leave us. I believe my child herself will never truly leave me either and I will be re-united with her but even if you don't believe that, the memory of your child is imprinted on your mind.

The priest who called to our house after Sylvie-Rose died, said that his niece had died of cot-death 30 years before. The parents were told at the time by their own priest that it would be better to have the funeral and burial in private with only the parents and the priest there. Now, this was Ireland and Catholic priests don't marry, so possilbly are less aware of how firm the bond is between a parent and child but even our lovely priest said it was totally wrong and that he felt he should have been there for his sister and her husband.

In that way, things are so much better now.

To Nathan and Stanley, My Beautiful Identical Boys, 31/5/12.
On the 1st of December (i thought there was a 31st of november, like an idiot)

it will be 6 months since what happened, happened. I have been unbearably sad. I think it has hit me finally. I can't stop crying. I had a pregnancy scare recently which turned out to be just that and whilst I'm glad and also bitterly disappointed...
I hope this feeling goes away, I know it wont...

*I'm

Thinking of you and your family, Kate. Nearly 5 months here. I'm sorry you had to find us, but here to support you anytime. I'm sorry for your loss of Nathan and Stanley.

expat I have a little black book for poems/sayings etc., that speak to me in my grief for Sean (when I am in a fit state to listen). I will add The Cord to it.

Kate I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful, precious boys six months ago. My darling son died aged 16 on 9th July.

A few days ago, I decided that I am ready to 'do something' with Sean's room. When DH first died, I thought I would change his room straight away, then six weeks in, the agony of grief hit me like a high speed train.

Me and DH would check his room morning and night. We still do. We couldn't move anything. I kissed his photographs and spoke to him. At various times, we both lay on his bed and sobbed. Last week I lay down on the floor where we found him dead and tried to smell him.

Now, nearly six months on, I have decided out of the blue I didn't want his room to be cold, empty, gathering dust, full of his stuff but without him. I want it to be a room of light and life and warmth. DH agreed.

Our friend came today and photographed the room and his clothes. I will make a montage - Hockney-style - and frame it. We were all matter of fact. We didn't weep. Tonight, DH feels dreadful. It always takes longer for it to hit me. I feel I want to make his room beautiful.

I still haven't moved anything.

DD1 and DD2 shared a room. I haven't changed it yet. I sleep in DD1's bed.

I still have Sylvie-Rose's Moses basket in our room
It has our Woolly Hugs blanket in it, a gingham pony my cousin bought for her and an Upsy Daisy Doll.

We moved house three weeks ago. I have all Dexters clothes and other bits and bobs in an big ottoman at the bottom of our bed. Dexters memory box from hospital is in there too. His pram is at my mums, his cot has been thrown out. His Moses basket was what he was in at the funeral home, so they disposed of it for us.

I have got lots of Gareth & Matthews stuff......

I have Gareths leather pram reins with his name on them, his tiny, tiny hat from when he spent his first two weeks of life in our local childrens hospital, cards, letters and the smallest baby gro.

I have Matthews filthy dirty school bag (it was only about a month old) it is truly filthy, ONE PE plimsoll with a hole in the bottom, his Beavers jumper, a flat cap he wore for a school play and a school coat. In the pocket of the school coat there is a 20 year old packet of Scampi fries (or Scabby fries as he called them) elastic bands, a stone, and what looks like a dead worm.

My treasures reflect my sons personalities

Right, this is really mean, but I've had to hide some FB people and posts because I'm feeling that if I'd been more positive about A she'd have lived. I know, I know that is untrue. She had a genetic mutation in her cancer that presents in only 12% of children with acute myeloid leukaemia, a mutation of which she did not remit in her induction round, even though she achieved very good morphological remission (from 60-3% leukaemia), but it still cuts like a fucking knife. This mutation (FLT3) is utterly damning in children.

It's not that I'm not happy for others, but just that right now, I can't deal, IYKWIM.

shabba, I'm glad you have those things! Hold 'em close! :)

Expat I went on Facebook and deleted loads of people who didn't even offer any condolences of Dexters passing, and I also hid loads of people's posts from showing in my news feed if they had babies, I also deleted people who were always having some tragedy or another(ie the train was late, I have to work etc) to me a tragedy is what we've been through not some silly little thing that is insignificant. I'm so glad I don't see it anymore

Glad to know it's not just me, 5boys. I feel really mean, but I can't deal just now.

hi guys, im not on fb, so don't really know what i'm on about, but im pretty sure i wouldnt liek seeing everyones cheery updates/ what i see as boasting!
don't blame you expat

welcome kate, i'm sorry you have come to join us, and i'm really sorry for your loss, but i hope you can find some understanding and support from us all here.
we are here for you and we get it

shabs that made me smile reading about matthews treasures and his scabby fries.

'Things' are all we have left aren't they?

Sean was severely learning disabled and yet a real teenager, so we have his wheelchair and incontinence pads, and symbol cards for 'no spitting', along with Jimmy Hendrix posters and electric guitars. He was a crazy, hilarious, troubled soul.

Oh shabba I just love the sound of your Matthew and his bag of tricks!

expat I have culled FB friends because what I read makes me feel crap. It might not be logical or kind, but it sounds like you are giving yourself a necessary break from stuff that naturally breaks your heart. Take care

I think that if Gareth 'had stayed' he would have been a complex character like his twin brother. Serious but funny, neat and tidy but scruffy....if any of that makes any sense?

BUT Matt - he was a law unto himself - hysterical rainbow baby that he was!!! He used to say telt fips (felt tips) talkie walkies (yes walkie talkies) and the best one ever Woss Baggott (Russ Abbott) - he was noisy, wild, cuddly, crazy a kisser and a lover. xxx

Miss you my boys - miss you more with each passing day xxxx