Misty breeze wraps about my shoulders, thinly clad. I shiver not, despite the coolness on my skin. Comfort, I now feel. Is it you my precious Angel?

[chipmonkey]

Starting a new thread for our angel babies
Sylvie-Rose 16/8/11 to 4/10/11 too short my love, too short.

white, that's amazing! what a brilliant thing to do. and what a necessary thing as well, well done!! bet it was quite draining though.wow.

expat- your gran sounds incredible! maybe some of my beliefs were influenced subconsciously from my time in Mexico, ie Mayan etc rather than Catholic beliefs. I don't know.

I'm meant to be applying for a placement/scholarship thing with a journal but the deadline is 13th, do we think that's close of business 13th or 12am (dopey question) I haven't done anything yet instead I am here on MN that reminds me why I flounced before!

Close of business the 13th. Plenty of time.

Did you ever see that Channel 4 documentary about the Day of the Dead in Mexico? It was wild! In one village, a table was set up in basically a type of village hall adobe dwelling. It was full of candles of Catholic saints, rosaries, holy water and pictures of Jesus and the Virgin of Guadalupe and angels. But they were all in there saying that soon the portal would open and the spirits would arrive. Then the wind started blowing in a closed up room. I was like, 'Okay, I'd be freaking out right about now.' But no one was.

I think what's comforting about it all is that death isn't so final as it is in Christianity, with this permanent division between this world and 'heaven'.

phew! I feel so silly asking that. great I'll do the rest tomorrow (at 4am probably..)

No I didn't see a documentary (no TV, I'm strange, might google it though!) I lived in Guanajuato for a while, they have the most incredible day of the dead celebrations there. I think it's the day when the veil between the spirit world is thinnest? or is that the day before? mmm anyway I think it's truly lovely how there is no shame in celebrating the loved one, taking offerings, favourite food, etc. Nobody would do that here it would be too taboo or morbid or looked down upon in the extreme. I think it's nice to be able to remember and recognise someone in a more positive way.

It's usually at sundown on the actual day of the dead that it's believed the veil between this world and the spirit world is thinnest.

And yy, the offerings. Also very common in Eastern Asia, too.

The cemetary where Aillidh is buried is a large Catholic one. Many of the graves have kerb sets and many are decorated with ornaments and even cans or bottles of beer. It's a lively place with both very old and new graves and room for many more.

A friend of mine told me that every year at Halloween, her grandmother would lay the table with extra place settings for those who had died in the house and that she said they would be there and would be visiting. There was something about opening the door to let them in as well.

That might be an Irish thing, chip. When I worked in hospice we had two Irish nurses and if anyone died on their shift they would immediately open a window.

DH's nana was Irish and had this belief that if a locked door in a house blew open it was a spirit coming in-about, as she called it.

My Dad always told us if you heard three knocks it was spirits.

The night before he died, my sister was alone in her living room and heard three sharp knocks on the window. She was a bit freaked and didn't go to the window, which faced on to her tiny little patch of yard which was surrounded by her house and the neighbouring house on all sides, like a little courtyard. If there was someone there, they shouldn't have been there.

But when I rang to tell her he had died the following night, she wouldn't pick up the phone because she knew it would be bad news.

That's wild. When we first moved in here, I was wakened by three VERY loud knocks. On three separate occassions. Of course, no one was there. I had been taught to believe this meant something bad was going to happen.

It did.

Gosh. I had a weird experience with knocking too but had never known anything about it. I lived in a very old house when DD was little, it was one of the first original streets in London still standing, 3 or 400 years old. It was a little spooky sometimes because lights would just switch themselves off and I once saw a dark figure move down the hallway - freaked me out terribly!

Since moving when she was ill though I haven't had spooky things happen. But a few days before she deteriorated before her death I kept waking up at 3.33am convinced my phone was ringing, when it wasn't. It happened for a few days and then at 3.33am my phone really did ring and it was the hospital. I lived just outside the front gates at that point.

After she died there hasn't been anything much, but I was convinced I felt her tapping me in bed once (we usually co-slept when she was well- I never did with DS- and she'd cheekily tap me in the mornings) also I would hear her favorite rattle bunny toy some mornings being shaken, it would go on and on for ages (it lived in her cot)

and once DS arrived he would often chuckle and talk to something I couldn't see. was a bit weird.

Sorry if this is annoying for anyone :) we all have our foibles right, I'm just not able to sleep at all tonight!

I always hear knocking, especially in my daughters room, which is where the boy's urn is....hmmm...might try actually listening rather than putting it down to something else.
Have had another worrying day yesterday, took Raegan to the drs for a checkup and the Dr has said that she is currently deaf in one ear with cattarh (sp?), he said that it should go away (quite common in toddlers but I've never heard of cattarh of the ears) but there is the potential for permanent damage...is there anything else that could go wrong for us this year??

Did he mean glue ear, Kate?
Three of my boys had this and ended up having a minor op to put in grommets. But the surgeon we brought ds3 to, tried putting him on antibiotics for 3 weeks before deciding on surgery because she sometimes found it worked.
We also found on ds1 and ds2 that cows milk made it worse. When we changed to goats milk it was much better.

Well, I finally got off to sleep at 3AM.

YY, hard, loud knocking. Enough to wake me. Three sharp blows, three times. And made my blood run cold.

But it was a couple of years before she actually fell ill.

Weird thing is, from the time I was expecting her and immediately following her birth, the feeling that something was desperately, drastically wrong with her clung to me. A dreadful feeling that faded as she aged, but the night she was diagnosed her consultant later commented that I was remarkably calm. I must have been half-expecting it.

Chip, we took her predominately because shes been pulling at her ears, and saying that everything is too loud (she gets ear infections over winter a lot) so we thought he'd look in her ears, see that they were red and we'd go on from there but it was different this time, if i'm remembering rightly, the dr said cattarh (and kept saying cattarh) of the ear, he said because she has a cold some of the gunk is going up into her ear canal. If he had said glue ear I would have understood (and maybe been a little less worried (no offence) as ive heard the reference before....very confusing. He also said that there was nothing that could be done about it, no anti-b's, no drops and definitely no mention of grommets...

I'm just thankful that shes still her happy little self at the moment, he said that she needs to be checked in a months time, to see whether any difference has been made....

Dunno what could or would happen after that though x

She does drink a hell of a lot of cows milk....may try her on soy for a while though x

She does drink a hell of a lot of cows milk....may try her on soy for a while though x

Mine wouldn't drink soy. I don't think it was lactose intolerance with them, as goats milk is actualy higher in lactose. My Dad reckoned it was that goats are reared more organically.

Where can you get goats milk, never looked for it before....??

We used to get it from Tesco. But we're in Ireland so not sure if the uk is the same, our brand was Glenisk.

Evening ladies. Not such a good evening though.

DH and I had to collect DS's belongings from his respite home today. Everyone was lovely, said how much they loved him. We have both felt so sad all day, but I am flat and down rather than in a heightened state of emotion. I am just low and I don't know how to have a conversation with anyone.

We are looking for a rescue cat for DS. I think it will be lovely for him but I can't feel excited. I just want my son back. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. I feel scared it never will be, or it will take years and years. I take shreds of comfort in little things like taking a hot water bottle to bed, or having a nice bath. Sometimes I think I am wallowing in self-pity and I must try harder.

Oh, Saint. I feel like I'm screwing up my kids with my grief.

saint you are not wallowing, I genuinely don't think any of us are. Though like you, I do sometimes wonder if I can move myself into a different mental space by sheer effort of will. Some days it works, some days I'm just too tired and too sad and it doesn't.

expat the exact same thing is playing on my mind a lot at the moment. Every time DD acts weird or naughty or angry (and that's quite often at the moment!) I assume it's because she's messed up by all the grief around her, even though I really do try to hide it. It's a constant source of angst, another stick to beat myself with, not that I really need another one. I try to tell myself that the most damaging thing for her, far more than seeing the sadness in me, would be for her to not feel loved. I think knowing that you are loved makes up for an awful lot of other crap in childhood, at least that's what I'm telling myself!!

Expat you are not screwing the children up - please believe me you are not.

Children see everything in black or white...whilst us adults wallow around in the grey area in the middle. The area of emotions and what ifs and if onlys. Children dont see stuff like that. I wish I was a child. You are showing them that it is fine to grieve for someone you loved with all your heart. Please dont think you are hurting them in any way. In years to come they will look back and remember their sister. They will not think 'I cant believe my Mum cried that day, I cant believe there were days when she looked so tired and so worn down by everything.

Honestly, honestly, honestly my DS1 who is almost 31 does not talk like that about the impact the death of his brothers had.

Like my Matt said 'We dont wive vewy wong so evwyday we have to gwab the day by the balls and shake it.'

I hope you will all join me, tomorrow, in shaking Friday by the balls xxx