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Original poster

Cot Death

144 replies

My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 21:23

On the 24th of September my ds5 died of cot death. He was only 13 weeks and 4 days. His funeral was last Wednesday. My arms ache to hold him, everywhere I look his things are there. I miss him so much.

OP posts:
redadmiralsinthegarden · 07/10/2012 22:48

I'm so, so sorry to hear of your loss. x

Original poster
My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 22:50

My husband has been fab, and keeps telling me we did exactly the same with dexter as we had with our other boys. The what ifs just keep coming though.

It's so hard to have carried a baby for 9 months, to not letting him out my sight, doing absolutely everything for him, to doing nothing at all.

I can't phone any helplines, as I have a really bad phobia of talking on the phone, I find it hard just talking o strangers generally

OP posts:
NeDeLaMer · 07/10/2012 22:51

Oh my love, I am so so sorry to hear about Dexter :( You wont 'get over it' you will learn to live alongside it, the grief will become a bit less raw - you learn to live 'around it' because there isn't any choice.

Much love
x

MarjorieAntrobus · 07/10/2012 22:51

Please keep using your thread here, if it is useful to you.

Don't think we are closing you down, if we say something that you think means you should just get on with it.

Shout and rant here.

Thanks
debka · 07/10/2012 22:52

5boys my sister is on the same thread as you- her DD is Chloe. She told me about your loss with tears in her eyes last week.

Just wanted you to know that there is a candle lit here for your boy Dexter.

With much love from one mum to another xxxxx

NeDeLaMer · 07/10/2012 22:56

x-posted

I'm glad your DH has been fab, it's what you deserve, but it's great that he's in that space as it's not always easy to see that immediately and can put relationships under a lot of stress. He sounds lovely and I'm glad you have him

MarjorieAntrobus · 07/10/2012 22:56

Oh, my, Dexter has been in your life for a year, and your plans for him will have run ahead for many years.

Such a huge loss, my lovely. Be very kind to yourself. Nothing stressful.

Original poster
My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 22:58

Thank you Debka. The due in July group have been amazing, but I don't want to bring such sadness to a group, who's babies are bringing them so much happiness xx

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 07/10/2012 23:01

Happiness for your own life and sadness for another's can co-exist easily My- never feel bad for bringing your life experience along. People will only have compassion and kindness in their hearts for you.

Flumpyflumps · 07/10/2012 23:01

So so sorry. Try to believe its not your fault x

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 08/10/2012 11:19

So sorry for your loss....RIP little Dexter.

He will live on in your heart and soul forever xx

Original poster
My5boysandme · 08/10/2012 16:17

Today has been 2 weeks. I'm watching the clock, 12-30 was our last walk in pram. 4pm was the last time dh saw him. 5-30 was his last bottle. 6-30 I put him to bed 7-25 I found him and 8-45 was time of death. I can't believe ths has happened, keep hoping I'll wake up from this nightmare Sad

OP posts:
MarjorieAntrobus · 08/10/2012 16:41

Oh, my.

I literally cannot think of anything helpful to say.

But I am listening.

Thanks Thanks

Original poster
My5boysandme · 08/10/2012 16:45

Thank you.

Going to dismantle the cot this evening. Finding it to hard having it in the bedroom. I have a duvet cover over it, the place took all the bedding and mattress, do its so empty. Going to take it to the charity shop as I wouldn't be able to use it again (it's only 5 weeks old) do you think it's ok to donate it? My husband says we can't reuse it incase it's jinxed, so feel bad about donating it?

OP posts:
Cherrypieplum · 08/10/2012 16:45

I'm so sorry. Huge hugs to you. Xxx

NeDeLaMer · 08/10/2012 17:01

Oh my love, I just want to hold you tight and take all the pain away and bring him back for you :( It's so unfair.

Donating the cot is a lovely idea. I understand why you don't want to use it again, but it's not jinxed. If it's not too much trouble to organise, I would donate it to a womens refuge or similar rather than a charity shop.

MrsDeVere · 08/10/2012 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
My5boysandme · 08/10/2012 17:14

Thank you for listening. Life is so cruel. No one should have to bury their child.
When ds2 was 6 months we were told to prepare for the worst as he had meningitis, but he fought hard and recovered. It's not fair that we went through that, to then loose our baby 7 years later

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 08/10/2012 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarjorieAntrobus · 08/10/2012 17:23

Give the cot away. It won't jinx anybody. Or take it to the tip, cos they will recycle it appropriately.

(Meant kindly, obviously).

Thanks Thanks

PS do you have friends or family who could just take it away for you?

SparklyGothKat · 08/10/2012 17:25

I'm on the due in July board with you. Please pop in and chat to us. We are all there for you xxx

JemimaPuddle · 08/10/2012 17:27

So sorry for your loss xx

whoneedstosleep · 08/10/2012 17:42

Just seen this my5boys, please use our group if you need to. I can understand its hard when you are hearing us talking and seeing pictures of our babies when all you want is little Dexter back but if we can help in any way we really really want to. Even just to listen on those extra hard days. Xxx

hlipop · 08/10/2012 17:42

thinking of you in this hard time, i'm so sorry for your loss x

Original poster
My5boysandme · 08/10/2012 17:43

My mums going to come with me to donate it, whilst dh takes boys to the beach.

Got some vacuum bags to put dexters clothes in to keep them in good condition...won't reuse them but want to keep them all.

Got a memory box the hospital gave us, being putting bits and bobs in.

Have taken his pram and car seat to my mums.

OP posts: