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Original poster

Cot Death

144 replies

My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 21:23

On the 24th of September my ds5 died of cot death. He was only 13 weeks and 4 days. His funeral was last Wednesday. My arms ache to hold him, everywhere I look his things are there. I miss him so much.

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 07/10/2012 21:52

My5 - that is heart breaking - there must be such a hole and I can only think that talking may start to fill the gap - letting the natural, normal feelings of guilt, sadness, anger, loss, pain and any other feelings have an outlet. Are you managing any sleep? I think that can really help, the dr could give you something.

Shaky · 07/10/2012 21:52

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling.

RIP Dexter

balletpump · 07/10/2012 21:53

I am so sorry for your loss x Rest in Peace Dexter xx

AWomanCalledHorse · 07/10/2012 21:55

I am so sorry for your loss, we're thinking of your family.
RIP Dexter. x

LST · 07/10/2012 21:57

I am so sorry for your loss Sadxx

marthastew · 07/10/2012 21:57

Dexter is a lovely name. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking about you and about him x

TheFantasticFixit · 07/10/2012 21:59

My5, i am so so sorry. I too can't even start to imagine the pain of losing a child. May your baby boy Dexter rest in peace and may your heart have peace, in time. ((Sending an unmumsnetty hug to you and your family))

cheeseandmushroomtoastie · 07/10/2012 21:59

I am so so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself xx

greenandcabbagelooking · 07/10/2012 22:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hug your boys close and remember their beautiful little brother.

MeFour · 07/10/2012 22:02

I am so so sorry for your loss x

Oldandcobwebby · 07/10/2012 22:03

There are no words suitable for times like these. You are living through what we all dread the most. I hope you can find comfort in knowing that we care. xxx

housebyariver · 07/10/2012 22:05

Words cannot express your feelings of loss and sadness at this awful time for you, your H and your children. You will get through it but you will never forget your Dexter and this terrible tragedy for all your family.

My first DD died suddenly in her cot 36 years ago and I have her small toy rabbit by my bedside. Her birthday and anniversary are two special days every year. Often you wonder what if? but you cannot change what has happened. Cuddle your children every night.

Don't forget there are support groups out there. Pick the phone up and talk to someone who has been through a similar loss and will help you. Sadly you have to make the first call for help.

Thinking of you and sending love and sympathy.

HappyHippyChick · 07/10/2012 22:06

I am so sorry for your loss xxxx

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 07/10/2012 22:06

I'm so very sorry :( xx

Original poster
My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 22:09

Thank you. Everyone says I'm being strong, but I don't feel it. I've always been good at putting up a front, so no-one knows how I'm really feeling, that's what I seem to have done now.

I'm actually bipolar, so my medication makes me sleepy anyway, but I keep having nightmares and need the light on. Every time I close my eyes I see him, how he was when I found him.

I'm seeing the psychiatrist on Tuesday, he's lovely so hoping that will help.

My dh has to go back to work next Monday, and I'm dreading being on my own with all the boys from 8-6. My boys are now wise beyond their years and are being so strong. However they do have moments of upset, which is to be expected. They were the most awesome big brothers, and loved Dexter from the very 1st moment they laid eyes on him, and now he's gone Sad

OP posts:
Marne · 07/10/2012 22:09

So sorry for your loss xxx

MarjorieAntrobus · 07/10/2012 22:25

Oh, my, how sad. You say nobody knows how you are really feeling. Is there anybody in RL you can open up to?

I bet your boys are strong as you say, and lovely too, but you will feel you have to carry their grief as well as your own.

Keep talking here.

Thanks
DeadQODy · 07/10/2012 22:27

So sad for you and your family, awful times

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 07/10/2012 22:28

I'm so very sorry xxx

Original poster
My5boysandme · 07/10/2012 22:30

I can talk to my husband. At first I thought he'd blame me as I was the one at home with the boys.

I know it's come back sudden unexplained death in infancy, but I can't stop myself thinking he was upstairs struggling to breathe and I was downstairs. He was lying on his side when I found him Sad

OP posts:
MarjorieAntrobus · 07/10/2012 22:37

But he doesn't blame you, does he? Horrible things just happen.

pixiestix · 07/10/2012 22:39

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little son Dexter. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through Sad

DoMeDon · 07/10/2012 22:39

I hope the psychiatrist can help you find a way to stop torturing yourself with the idea you were any way to blame or could have done more. There are some things in life that just are. That doesn't stop them being painful, horrible but it does stop them being anyones fault. Do you have friends/other family close by who could spend time with you? 8-6 can be a long stretch of time when you are low. It is so hard to do but maybe try to think of something positive about your time with Dexter when a negative thought like him upstairs comes across you. Make sure you be as kind to yourself as possible xx

MarjorieAntrobus · 07/10/2012 22:42

You didn't know he was struggling though. Your first four babies were fine. I had four and was v blase about their babyhood, especially with DC3 and DC4. I didn't go looking for problems. You wouldn't have, either.

You do know that you didn't do anything wrong, don't you?

Oh, OP, you must be in bits. So sorry for your loss.

Flojo1979 · 07/10/2012 22:45

Didn't want to read and not say anything though not sure what to say, other than I am so so sorry.

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