For anyone who is grieving for one of their parents

[mummylin2495]

I have started a new thread as i was having trouble loading up the old one I will link the two together if poss.

morning everyone how are you? I am sitting here doing the estate accounts for my dad - money I wish I was not getting as it meant losing him. I am very tired today and that makes me emotional and at times angry and jealous that some people have both parents still - sorry if that makes me sound irrational and mean - I am usually ok!
But the sun is shining and I am going to get out for a 2nd dog walk and do a few jobs in town. Am going to treat myself to a professional spring clean as have rather neglected my house lately.
Hugs to you all. xxxxx

Hi I think the jealousy of others thing is normal. I know I really resent my MIL at times as she's here and Mum is not and because Mum was a much much better Granny than she'll ever be

Am impressed at the second dog walk - we've yet to make it out for a first And at the spring clean!

Good morning to everyone on here and welcome to the new comers.lovemydogs My siblings and i all inherited from mum ,but i would give every penny back to have her here.And i feel i cant spend anything as mum worked hard all her life in able to leave us all something.Besides that i think she can see me and if i dont spend wisely she will be cross !! It dosent seem right that on a lovely day like today there is such enormous grief.I know my mum would be sat in my conservatory watching the birds or whatever wild life comes in the garden.
BadRoly i still bought my mum a birthday card and took it to the cemetery.You can get some very nice ones for people who are no longer here in Clintons.And if you read back you will see that some of us who have had birthdays have put up an old card we have recieved in the past from our mums / dads.

hi again - such a lovely day so after 2nd dog walk I downloaded some new news onto my ipod and did a 5 mile run in tshirt and sunglasses - feel great now actually. Much less tired and more positive - do find exercise a big help - did body pump at 6.30am this morning too - just had a nice shower. The spring clean man just came to quote and wants me to get my downstairs carpet done too as bit mucky from dogs in places - not sure about it at this time of year as it takes ages to dry. Oh well at least I am turning my day around.

Do any of you believe in the white feather thing? When you find once outside eg on the doorstep it is meant to be a message from a deceased loved one - Gloria Hunniford is convinced her daughter Caron Keating does this and sometimes I have found them.
I have been to a spiritualist church a couple of times a while back but no messages for me.................
Hugs to you all xxxxxxxxxx

I also have been told about the white feather .Im not sure what i think ,but i do like to pick them up " just in case " I have found 3 or 4 little ones.Sounds like you are having a very busy day !

maybeyoushouldrive I know what you mean about the ansaphone message. My sister and I recorded dads voicemail message, and it stayed on mum's phone for ages because she didn't know how to erase it. It's lovely to be able to hear his voice.

I feel so changed inside even though outwardly I look the same. My DH lost his mum when he was 24 and I understand now how much it has impacted the rest of his life.

I find that I'm VERY frightened of the idea of mum dying, now - it really worries me, and I think I'm a better daughter than I was: just wish dad could know...
Hope you are all holding on and hanging in there.

Xx

thank you everyone

I'm another orphan who has lost both parents now

my dad died 14 years ago and since then its just been me and mum, I have older siblings but they live hundreds of miles away

when dad died I took over the role of caring/visiting/looking out for mum and as she's got older it has increased more and more

so for the last 14 years its just been me, my family and mum

she lived where I grew up, so since losing her I have lost my childhood place I grew up in as well as all the thousands of personnel things only she and I knew about

its just too overwhelming, the hole she has left is massive and it feels like my world has been blown apart

it feels like I was one girl last month and now I'm someone else entirely, living in a place I hardly know and nothing feels right

lovemydogs - I so know what you mean about the inheritance thing. I got money after dad died and I bought a new car with some of it. When it came to collecting it, the salesman kept asking me if I was excited and I pretended I was but inside I was just thinking what a huge personal cost/loss it came at and how I would much rather be driving about in my old banger with my dad still here. I cried all the way back from the showroom.

ssd - you are a different person but I promise, it does get better. 6 months on from losing dad and 6 years since mum, I have more good days than bad now. There are still times when it hits me hard but I am reaching a new version of normal. I have just got to control my anxiety a bit as I find since dad's death, I am a bit paranoid about mine and my family's health. Sending a big hug ((())).

May I join this thread, please? My Mum died 16 years ago, and my Dad died in May. I miss Dad terribly, although things were quite difficult for him over the last few years. And losing him has brought home to me how much of my Mum I've lost. My memories of her are all pre-children (she died when I was 24), when I was a different person.

Just sat here reading some of the thread and feeling that I am not on my own - my mum died three months ago today and my dad went 14 years ago and i miss them so much. I'm finding navigating this new stage really hard and feel so raw at times. I think I just got on with it when my dad died, as I had a month old baby and could support Mum. This time i feel very lonely in spite of my lovely dh and 4dc. I really identify with what ssd said about feeling out of place.

hello to the new posters.I am sorry that you are all going through this terrible time too.I hope you can find some kind of support on this thread as do we all.It seems to me without my mum that the world is now a completely different place.And i dont like it.I have adult children and 3 grandchildren,but i still feel so lost.Tomorrow may be better for us all ,i hope so x

I'm glad you lot are here. I'm feeling very lonely and a bit guilty. Tomorrow is DS'a first birthday. It's also the first anniversary of mum's diagnosis of congestive heart failure. I'm not sure anyone else has remembered about mum.
its also the evening before the first anniversary of the hardest 11 weeks in my life.
DS'a birth was traumatic, he was resuscitated, I didn't get to hold him for an hour and a half, then an hour later he was taken to icu, diagnosed with encephalopathy and I didn't get to hold him again for 24 hours.
Mum met him once but died when he was 5 weeks old.
When he was 10 weeks old we learned that his brain mri was clear and started to relax and a week later my dad had a major bleed on his brain and spent 3 weeks in hospital.

It was truly shit. I don't want to forget how crap it was but I'm a mess this evening. DH would think I was mad, rehashing all of this my friends all disappeared at around this time so there isn't anyone in rl I can talk to. I really need to pull myself together to celebrate DS'a birthday. I hope I can work all this through so I can get to the point where his birthday's aren't tinged with sadness. Maybe next year...

oh golemmings, I'm sorry about that, that is a lot for you to deal with.I don't blame you for feeling alone and raw. I'm not much use to anyone just now, but I'll give you a hug and let you know I'm thinking of you

maybe seeing your little ds taste a bit of birthday cake will make you smile! I hope so

ssd xx

Thank you. Watching his sister opening his presents should be fun too. But like so many on this thread there's a mask hiding a hollow heart.
I'm already sitting here watching the clock knowing that in 4 hours it'll be a year since my contractions started...
It's self indulgent and unhelpful and so long as there's someone here for some hand holding too, I need a wopping great kick up the arse

golemmings its not surprising you are down in the dumps.Our minds cant help returning to the most awful times can they. Take a bit of comfort that at least your mum did ge to your Ds.I know it was only once but at least she had that precious memory to take with her.In a couple of weeks i will be where you are ,just reliving last year and thinking to myself " this time last year " etc. Sending you a hug and some Hope your Ds had a lovely 1st birthday.Its a very special one isnt it.

Such sad experiences, I hope you're all having as good a day as possible. Xxx.

Anyone else now looking at older people in a new light & thinking "they've lost their parents, they've lived with that for maybe 50 years"?.

Feeling pointlessly guilty at the realisation that if I'd opted for an elective section instead of a VBAC, dd2 might have been born sooner and at least mum would have got to see her picture.

There's a white feather on my doormat :-).

Mummy died three years ago. The day before she died, her eyes filled with tears as she told me it was 45 years since her own 'little mother' had died. I hope they met again, I know that's what she was hoping too. I found a little Christmas gift tag she wrote to me in slightly shaky writing Christmas '08. I carry it in my purse and look at it often as nothing else says 'love, Mummy'. I don't think we ever get over it, to be honest.

I agree with this, I'm realising living without my mum is something I'll need to get used to, not something I'll get over.

I keep thinking about before mum died and my heart leaps, like I'm thinking of something that's secure and warm and makes sense, even though my mum was very frail....now when she's not here it all feels so different and totally strange, like living all the time in a bad dream

People have said to me "at least your mum didn't suffer" and I know thats true,but I'd rather have her in her flat still sitting in her chair and watching the new episode of "strictly", which she loved and would have been watching last night, rather than be gone, even though I know there's nothing she could do about it

can I ask anyone who has been through this, how long does the feeling you're not in the right world last for? this isn't something I've ever experienced before, when my dad died I was heartbroken, but I still had my mum, but now they are both gone the world seems so so strange, even though everything's familiar it feels like I've woken up somewhere else..when do things seem normal again?

BCBG, your mum will be with her mum, I'm absolutely sure of that x

good morning everyone.ssd for me i dont think life will ever become normal again.Like you when i see tv progs come on that mum loved it makes me upset.She loved Downtown Abbey and any prog with Gareth Malone.It makes me so sad that she is missing them.And also the day she went into hospital she asked me to collect her book and take it to her,i did but find it upsetting that she didnt get to finish it.I went back to sleep this morning and i had a very vivid dream of mum ,some of it was lovely and other bits not so.But i heard her laugh,Oh how i wish this had been real.I too would give anything to have her back and the thought of having years without her is unbearable.

So many familiar feelings here, and I'm having a little cry whilst I type.

Lost my Dad back in April. He'd not been well since Christmas, but had only been in hospital for a week, and diagnosed with cancer the day before he died. Mum passed away 12 years ago. Not a day goes by where I don't miss them. Sad that Mum never got to see my child. Sad that Dad isn't here to watch her grow. But also doing my utmost to be 'normal' and to get on with life.
To be honest, I don't feel as though I've really had much time or opportunity to grieve.

As Biscuits said, thanks for starting the thread, mummlin - it is helpful to know that I'm not odd in how I'm feeling.

NotGeoffVader you are certainly not odd. Its sad how many people have had babies since our mums have gone ,indeed my own sister had twins in Feb.Mum was so excited as its the first twins we have had in the family.It was bittersweet when they were born.And at mums house in her knitting bag were lots of babies coats ,some finished and some not.I gave them to my friend who finished them all so my sister could have them.One of the twins has been given mums name as her second name.But the night before mum dide when we were visiting she had put her hand on my sisters tummy and she did feel them move,so that is something. i think ,like you that in the beginning i didnt have proper time to grieve as there was so much to do and my house became the hub for the rest of the family.As i was one of the executors there was quite a lot to do ,plus emptying and selling mums property.Now it is all done and i find myself going over and over it.I feel very upset today,i think its the dream and also its getting nearer to mums anniversary when it will be the 1st year. I try to tell my dh how i am feeling ,but to be honest he just says "oh " and thats it.So to be able to talk to others on here is such a help.

Urgh - I still have the family home to get cleared and sold too. Thing is, it's about an hour's journey from me. I can't just hop in the car and drive there as there are issues around parking. I can't take DD with me as the place is old, dirty and not safe for a toddler....

I keep thinking that once it's sold, and my DSis and I have sorted out the last of the 'effects' things will be more final, IYSWIM.

Thats what i would of thought ,that when all was done i would feel a bit happier.instead its been the reverse so far. And i still have a lot to do at home ,i have loads of boxes of mums stuff still to sort.i could not bear to throw anything away !! My brother who was also executor,used to pick things up and say " i suppose you want to keep this " and so of course i did.All silly little scraps of paper with mums writing on .I have all her cutlery even though i dont need it neither do any of my siblings ,but i just cant throw it out.Especially mums old potato peeler !! I have no idea what i will find eventually in all of the boxes and i doubt i will be getting rid of much of it.Maybe one day i will ,but for now its all staying here.My siblings have all had loads but they dont want anything else so its my own fault i have so much.