For anyone who is grieving for one of their parents

[mummylin2495]

I have started a new thread as i was having trouble loading up the old one I will link the two together if poss.

I just feel so sad. It's not even been 3 weeks since mum died suddenly but it feels like an eternity. It still hasn't sunk in that she is gone though. Practically every other thought I have my natural response is to think 'I must tell mum that'. It just doesn't feel real. I mean the logical part of me knows she is gone but my inner core just won't believe it. Anyone feel like this?

yes beachcombergirl, I do to, all my sympathies to you x

thought I'd post this poem, its beautiful

??.¸♥ As i sit here in Heaven and watch you everyday. ♥¸.??

I try and let you know with signs I never went away.
I hear you when you're laughing and i watch you as you sleep,
I even place my arms around you to calm you as you weep.
I see you wish the days away as you beg to have me home so i try to send you messages, so you know you're not alone.
Don't feel Guilty that you have a Life that was denied to me.
Oh, Heaven is truly Beautiful, just you wait and see.
Please live your Life and laugh again, Enjoy yourself, be free!
Then i'll know with every breath you take you're taking one for me.

I hope this poem helps you a bit

xx

oh wow ssd that poem was lovely!! What words..lifted me and really made me feel like shes around!

We have a tribute to her today at our local church, saying her name and lighting a candle, im sure shell be enjoying hearing her name called out..although its hard though as we got married there.

My thoughts are with you all, hug to mummylin, sending you all our support xx

hi t875, did you get me pm?

glad you liked the poem, it makes me tingle x

sorry my pm not me pm

beachcomber - It is such early days for you, and i remember it well, tbh i still have them times now, but when people say it does get a little easier as time goes on it is true, but it still hits me hard at times. Do what you want to do, do what you have to do to keep your memories alive. I have a little shelf where i add special things too, i also hug her cardigan on these really tough days. I have also spoke to a psychic and they have told me a few things but thats each to their own beliefs which i respect.

Cry when you need to, have privacy when you want, look after YOU and talk about all you need too, it really helps to talk. And we are here. HUGS to you and thinking of you xx

What a beautiful poem that is ssd well the dreaded day is nearly here.I had another shock last night ,we had to go and pick my dd up from the airport and there was a driver there holding up a placard for someone with the same name as my mum.I tried not to look but my eyes kept going to it.
beachcomber yes i feel like that too.I am used to mum popping in most days for a cuppa ,i would see her arrive and a few minutes later would come the OOhOO anyone here ! My kitchen is in the front and so i still am looking out for her car,and i see many elderly ladies with white hair driving past and just for a second i think its her.I cannot think she isnt here.I cannot imagine never seeing her again.If your poem is rightssdthen my mum should be around me somewhere and i know this is the house she would be in as this is where she was most often ,i also always had her here if like once before she broke an arm ,when she had her eyes done,when it was so icy the year before last and things like that.So i have no doubt this is where she will be if its possible.

mummylin, I'm sure your mum will be with you, can you feel her around you sometimes?

I've felt this with my mum and it comforts me, I hope you do too

Hi Mummylin, wow what a shock for you at the airport, maybe a sign that she is with you and supporting you? Strange how it was her name hun. Thinking of you. I know what you mean its so hard to not pick up the phone and see her, we spoke of so many different things, things ppl wouldn't be interested in, decluttering, organizing, nik naks, craft stuff, projects the kids, oh we spoke about a lot, i miss her so much.

The memorial to my mum was a lot sadder than i thought it would be, their were hymns and tbh i felt sick on and off, i don't know i think it kind of felt more real, and hit me today that she wasn't with us there but i got through and we lit a candle and her name was read out, the lovely lady she is/ was. Glad i went but it was a lot tougher than i thought it would be. xx

thats hard t875, its horrible when the reality hits you hard, most of the time if we live in our own wee world we can feel our mums are with us there, but surrounded by others its hard to feel their presence.

hope you get through today mummylin, thoughts going your way too

xx

Big hugs to everyone first of all. I do feel this is a thread I can come to when I need a bit of comfort to know there are other people going through the same feelings, and we're all at different stages, and can gain some comfort here.

Beachcomber - I so feel for you and also Mummylin. I have been without my mum for 2.5 months and I so miss her every day. That gap doesn't go because she is not there to fill it. I saw my mum every single day - we used to "do lunch" together, and I have not the heart to go out for lunch because it was our thing. And that companionship - just chatting. I have a lovely DH but he doesn't chat about nothing like me and my mum did. I can't watch Downton Abbey - so silly but we always spent Mondays going over the best quotes and fave scenes. You can replace friends - even a partner but you can't replace that relationship with your mum or dad.

For Beachcomber - three weeks is so soon. I felt completely drained from crying after the funeral. I have sat on my own and cried so much - but it does feel better to give yourself time to let it out. I said to the doctor it's hard being a mum to accept I have a right to just feel sorry for myself but I need time to be alone and just feel sorry for myself!

This week we had the horrible task of rehoming our dog who was my mum's companion. He was an older dog and couldn't cope with my DD as she is very lively and he needed a retirement home. We had to say goodbye on Saturday as he went off to Scotland (to frankly a LOVELY home!) but it was such a wrench and brought back all those awful feelings of letting go again. I feel now I MUST get on and clear stuff as I was using the dog as an excuse not to move anything at my mum's house.

The worst thing for me is totally dismantling her life. Just getting rid of pans and cutlery - stupid things. It's so draining. But as I was wrapping up ornaments and going through cupboards yesterday I found a treasure to kepp that made the job worthwhile. I found a picture my mum had drawn at school when she must have been my DD's age around 6. I was so thrilled to find it - and it reminded me my mum had had a full life and is such an influence....that she lives on in these treasures and many happy memories I am clinging on to.

Galaxymum you would be amazed at what i have "rescued" from my mums house.I could not bear to throw things out.hence why i have so much stuff of mums here.I need to get it sorted out but at the moment i am not throwing anything out !! i have it all stored in big containers.
Well the tears have already started in the lead up to tomorrow.I have phoned our local newspaper to put a tribute in for mum and reading it over the phone to one of my brothers i cracked.Tonight at 8.15pm i kissed my mum goodbye and said " see you tomorrow mum" I did not see her alive again.
Well my dh has now told me that they made a mistake about the footi game and its next week.But before he had told me that on sat im afraid i lost the plot and told him what i thought about him putting a footi game before me on this particular special and sad day.The fact that they made a mistake does not change things because if the game had of been tomorrow ,he would of gone.So i wont be alone tomorrow night now. For those of you who are newly bereaved,the days do get better gradually ,you will find you can have a few days between where you feel ok.Its when the awful grief comes back it hits you again.But then you have some more good days and so it goes on.
I have put memoriam to my sister in the same message as they are so close together.Its all so very sad. For all of us.

I'm the same galaxy mum I have all the heart ache Some days but then I think of her wonderful 65 years or no horrible illness to contend with, just to breeze through life. She had such a wonderful personality and happy all the time. And through my dark days I take that with me.

I can't watch qvc shopping channel. I find it hard going in shops I see so much my mum would love and I want to tell her! Some days I still do. Swear people must think I'm nuts sometimes. But who cares.

Mummy Lin. All you are doing in memory to your mum sounds lovely. I can't imagine what you are going through. Take care of you. Go with how you are feeling. Hugs to you x

Thinking of you all today. Xx

Hope your day is going ok ssd hugs to you xx

thanks t875

xx for us all xx

This time last year i was happy.This time last year i had been to visit my mum.This time last year my biggest worry was getting our new outside loo ready in time for mum to use when she came out of hospital on thursday.This time last year i went to bed and slept as usual.This time last year my lovely mum was still here not knowing it was her last few hours.
I have been so unhappy today reliving everything all over again.I have loads of flowers in my kitchen ready to take to the cemetery tomorow.I cant do anything else but i can make her and my sisters graves look lovely.It was always me and mum who tended to my sisters and i had promised mum i would always see to it when the time came that she wasnt here.I will keep that promise.Roll on Wednesday.x

me again

d'you know what's getting me down too, I haven't got the heart for halloween or xmas this year

I find going round the shops my heart is so heavy, even thinking of buying Xmas presents is too much for me just now

as long as my kids get something I don't care about anyone else, mind you there's hardly anyone else to buy for now

I always got my mum the same thing every year, but not now

and another thing, I know no one in rl knows how I feel, but why can they be so insensitive? I was telling a close relative on fb how upset I was and how hard I find it reading posts about how wonderful friends mothers are...then a few days later said relative posts a big gushing message to her mum, something obviously copied as it was picture and writing beside it...am I being stupid to think she might have held that back just this time? I know people don't get it but really, are some folk just insensitive?

mummylin - My heart just breaks for you this is so hard, i know i will be doing the same, as my dad will be killing inside on that night between 3 and 5 in the morning, i hope in a way he will be with us.

I do know how you feel mummylin, one minute our mums were there the next they were gone, such a huge shock. April is going to be extremely hard!!
Thinking of you and sending you loads of support, hugs, and strength. xx

hugs to us all xx

mummylin, i want to say in some very dark times i have found CRUSE 24 hr help line to be helpful, so if you really need them, obviously you have us hun, but i have found them to be useful, i have even cried my eyes out talking to them.

xx

Ssd - I know what you mean about sensitivity with friends and my friend done exactly the same. Put up a like / share I love my mum.. Or I'm going to --- with my mum and it actually at the time I thought the same as you. I personally wouldn't do it and couldn't do it.

I know what you mean also about Halloween. I have no choice as my kids are well into it and my eldest has make decorations.
Christmas I am finding it somewhat hard, but I know my mum would lick my backside big time from up there if I don't at least get into some looking forward to it. She would hate us all to be sad but as u say it's do hard and easier said than done down here as this really wil be hard to not have her around :-(( hugs to you!! X

God why can't I delete --- KICK my back side!!!!!!!!!!!

t875!

mummylin, we are all here for you today, we know your heart is breaking and we're all holding your hand xx

Thinking of you mummy lin. Sending you hugs xx

Thinking of us all xx

at least thats today nearly over for you mummylin x