For anyone who is grieving for one of their parents

[mummylin2495]

I have started a new thread as i was having trouble loading up the old one I will link the two together if poss.

Oh It's very rare for me sit here for a long space of time! I doubt I could do
All the time pulled away by the kids, f book games
oh and house work! :)

Hope everyone is doing ok today! Tough day bit teary :-(
I swear it's Christmas coming that's rocked me or being
6 months!?

Thinking of you all x

Distressed mum- I'm sure your grandfather is proud of you!!
Keeping my mums memory alive is very important
To me. And keeping her in my thoughts, you are so right x

Mummylin - I was thinking about a memorial piece in the paper
Or even naming a star in the sky I think it's about 50 quid. Thank you
For the link for the roses. x

Bad Roly- how awful for you all. What a time you had the
Year. So very sorry to hear of your losses. Thinking of you
X

Big virtual hug t875

Another lovely MNetter gave me the Chrismas tree Idea. I like the idea they can bring it in for chritmas, decorate for him then repot in the garden and maybe one day take to there own home maybe, Im doing some research to find a dwarf version, so it wont out grow the garden, Ill let you know as soon as I find something.

Badroly How awful, really feel for you and your DCs, my DS keeps saying he's so sad he no longer has a Grandad (we lost my granddad Feb '11, he was a truly great man) I dont have the hart to tell him he still has a Grandad left, as his paternal GD wants nothing to do with him

How is everyone feeling today? Sending everyone a virtual hug.

Been feeling very down this week, probably an accumulation of things - I saw a blue thread on the floor, like the piece we used to lower mum's ashes into her parents grave, put her name on a memorial service list, & my birthday & hers are coming up soon, the first since she passed.

Thank you for the roses link, mummylin.

good morning everyone.I think the weather is matching my mood at the moment.Just to let you know that my rose is a beautiful pale pink / salmon colour and the best thing is that its fragrant and smells lovely.I have it in my front garden and i also have the little plaque that the undertakers placed on mums grave.When we had the headstone done i bought the little one home and its by mums rose.Of course i am now counting down the days and reliving each day leading up to the worst day of my life.Its almost unbearable but i know it has to come.It will be the last of the firsts. Hugs to you all, i know we can all do with them.x

hugs from me too x

was just working out tonight how long its been since mum died, its 6 and 1/2 weeks

thats nothing isn't it, don't know why but it feels much longer, maybe because every day feels like a lifetime

then again it feels like forever without her, but she is constantly on my mind and I cant believe shes gone

I know 6 and 1/2 weeks is nothing, but it feels like a million years of divide between my safe old life and this life I'm lost in. I go to work smiling, make dinner, deal with stuff, but inside I'm floundering, its all an act

I contacted cruse today and left a couple of messages, I recognise I need something to help me through this, I cant do it alone, its too enormous

mummylin, I'm sending strength to help you through these awful days too

hugs and love to us all xx

ds1 keeps asking me "what's up with you"

a few weeks ago I told him I'm sad about gran

he said in astonishment "aren't you over that yet"

its amazing how the world stops for us and for others life goes on

BTW I don't want the ds's to be sad, they grieved more immediately than me, it hit them straight away and then they came to terms with it

I feel like its continued to hit me in waves, sometimes gently lapping at my mind when I'm busy and getting on with things, other times hitting me like a tidal wave and almost knocking me off my feet with the strength of my feelings

one thing I'm realising is that I need help with this, I can't get through this on my own

I hope cruse phone me back

Beachcombergirl, stupid to ask, but how are you? has the funeral been?

remember we're here anytime you need to unleash your emotions

am thinking of you x

Wishing you strength, mummylin x

ssd, I know what you mean about it feeling like a million years when it's really several weeks, every second takes me further away from when she was alive. I hope cruse call you back.

mummylin, I;ve just seen this beautiful poem on another bereavement thread and immediately though of you

one year

one year will pass
i can feel it edging closer
how will the world seem then?
it wont have changed as we have
how could it?
12 months are not enough

some say times a healer
we know that isn't true
12 months, 12 years 12 lifetimes
wont change things for me and you
but now we know we are not alone
but the world is not as we thought
there are hearts as ours that have suffered so
many that are torn apart

one year will come and then be gone
some will notice then move on
yet however many years go by
our tears will fall and we will cry
together forever my love
to some we may try to explain
to others we may not
about the pain the grief and the loss

and then i guess another year
will be here and gone
and the world still wont look
as it once had done

but one thing will have remained true
thats the love between me and you

I hope the girls from mia's mums thread dont mind me borrowing it for you

xx

Mummylin - thinking of you i have that I. April and I'm
So not looking forward to it one bit. Hugs to you!
The garden tribute area you have sounds lovely
I bet your mum is loving looking at it too. x

Ssd - good luck with cruse. 61/2 weeks is still so
Early, I remember at that time is was so very hard
Still not fine all the time now after 6 mths. But how you
Described it how I feel about the tidal wave!

Hugs for us all! Thinking of you all xx

I come accross a poem called letter from heaven
I won't put it in here incase anyone is uncomfortable
Reading it. But if anyone wants it pm me, unless your

All ok. But I have to say it really helped me to read it
From possibly who knows - get perspective looking
Down on me.

X

ssd thankyou that just about sums it all up dosent it.Tonight i had to go past the hospital and i could not help feeling horrible thoughts about the place. I had only 6 more days left with my mum on this date last year.It is just so painful.She wasnt even ill ,we had no clue what was around the corner.It is just so awful to think about for me.I think i have delayed reaction as for the first few months there was so much to do.As i have said before the last thing was the headstone which was end of July.Since then i seem to be getting deeper and deeper into grieving.But i know that i will be ok eventually and i will be able to think about her without all this awful pain.Thankyou to everyone for your kind thoughts.In fact we will all get through this with support from each other.It just takes time and grief has to run its course.Goodnight all ,its bedtime now for me x

Gosh so many of us here it's lovely to 'meet' everyone.

ssd have you heard back from Cruse yet? I've heard wonderful things about them, but have been reluctant to contact them myself (don't know why). I really hope they give you a bit of support, it's still such early days for you... Your poem is beautiful, I must try to remember it for when the time comes..

t875 is the poem you mention by Rachel Loveday? If it is a friend sent it to me and it did give me some comfort.

I'm having problems with my Dad. We invited him to come to stay for half term but he's told me he thinks he'll stay put for the winter now he lives about 4 hours away so we can't just pop in. We're going to go up for the weekend but dd is desperate to stay here for Halloween because her friends are having a party so we can't manage more than that... Then we'll be back up for the w/e of the 16th Nov for Mum's birthday and then there's there's Christmas to talk about. AAAGH, I would really love him to spend some time with us here, but dh has offered to pick him up etc and he's saying no

I guess we'll just have to cope long distance...

t875, I'd love to read that poem, I had a lovely poem sent me, if I can I'll copyit for you and send you a pm

havent heard bck from cruse yet, really hope I do, am relying on this to savehelp me

Hi
Thank you. The funeral was earlier this week. It was such a difficult day saying goodbye to my darling mum who died so suddenly is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I actually read a poem at the funeral. I thought I was going to faint before standing up to do this but I was ok. I managed to keep my composure for this and spoke for mum. I hope she would have been proud. It was a lovely service and hundreds of people came. It was overwhelming really. Real genuine love for my mum.

I still can't believe that she is gone. I can't take it in. I've been at her lively home that she's lived in since dad died and being surrounded by all her things, it just feels surreal she won't walk back into the room, smiling with a big kiss for her beloved 5 month old grand daughter, by dd.

Beachcombers girl - thinking of you, we feel your pain and your
Not on your own, I felt the same about my mums funeral although horrendous I still managed to read a poem well done to you for doing that I know how it is. And it was a celebration of my mums life and I'm
Sure my mum was looking down loving what we had done for her.

Take each day minute hr at a time. Talk about your feelings, cry when you need too. It's soo very hard at the beginning it's still hard now but not as bad as the beginning I didnt think I'd ever stop crying. But strength comes from somewhere.
Big virtual hug to you and my/ our thoughts are with you. Talk to us anytime xx

I can't find the poem I said about.. Can't find it anywhere. But I found this one. Which had really good prominent words. If it upsets anyone or if I break rules please delete accordingly or I will x

I will be beside you
Every day and week and year,
And when you're sad I'm standing there
To wipe away that tear.

And when you lie in bed at night
The days chores put to flight,
I am closest to you
In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth
And all those loving years,
Because you're only human
They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry
It does relieve the pain,
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain.

But one thing is for certain
Though my life on earth is o'er,
I am closer to you now
Than I ever was before.

When your upset and not feeling your best
I'm still not far away from you
I'm just beyond the crest.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you
And many hills to climb,
But together we can do it
Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
And I'd like it for you too,
That as you give unto the world
So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody
Who's in sorrow or in pain,
Then you can say at night
My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented
That my life... it was worthwhile,
Knowing as I passed along the way
I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody
Who is down and feeling low,
Just lend a hand to pick him up
As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street
And you've got me on your mind,
I'm walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind.

And when you feel that gentle breeze
Or the wind upon your face,
That's me giving you a great big hug
Or just a soft embrace.

And when it's time for you to go
From that body to be free,
Remember you're not going...
You are coming here to me!

And I will always love you
From that land way up above,
I'll be in touch again soon

t875, maybeyoushoulddrive, ssd and badroly thank you for the birthday wishes. You were right badroly, about building it up in my head and thinking it was going to be awful. Dh and dd's made sure I had a lovely day and spoilt me. I had a little cry when I opened the card from my dad. It had lovely words and was just what my mum would have chosen. It breaks my heart to see cards signed just from my dad, for him more than anything. I can't imagine what he's going through.

beachcombergirl I'm sure your mum would have been very proud of you for reading a poem at her funeral. Hope you are okay today xx

Maybeyoushoulddrive- sorry to hear what's happening with your dad I can imagine you are very worried. It's so hard isn't it, I have the same with my dad when he doesn't want to come found and I know he's struggling. All you can do is be on the end of the phone a lot. I would give him one more time asking then there is nothing more you can do. Is there relatives you could talk to on the q t about him, maybe they can call a bit more in between you guys x

t875, thats a beautiful poem, thanks for posting it

I'll try to post the poem someone sent me when my mum died, its lovely too

hugs to us all, its an awful time

I paid my mums funeral today, thats the last thing I'll be able to do for her, a whole lifetime over, I cant believe it

What beautiful poems.I particularly like the lines where it says " your not going ,but coming here to me " how i wish that that was true. If i thought that one day i will be back with her i know i would feel differently now.I have thought about this many times in the last so many years since we lost our sister, and my mums dearest wish was to be with her youngest daughter once more.I hope she is.I dont know why i am so agitated about tuesday really as the worst possible thing has already happened.But i also read somewhere that the worst day in your life is only 24 hrs. Oh god so many of us in the same position,so much sadness,all of us trying to come to terms with our losses.I wish you all as good a weekend as possible.x

hi everyone again

mummylin, we'll be thinking of you this Tuesday, we really will. You're right when you say we are all trying to come to terms with our losses. Thats one of the hardest bits isnt it, its so wearying. I'm desperately trying to fill my days so I don't have time to think of everything, because when I start thinking I really could crawl into a hole and not come out. I feel a bit manic these days. But I know I need empty days and being alone so I can grieve and not try to avoid it as I know if I avoid it it'll come back in the future to get me.

I did so much for my mum, the time I have spare now is stretching before me and feels very empty. I was like her carer emotionally as well as physically and now she's gone theres a massive hole I haven't a clue how to fill. I've been trying to keep in touch with friends more and thats helped me, I've realised there is no use looking for support from my siblings, at least I have learned that from what's happened. Although god knows why I ever expected support from them, they never at all supported me with mum when she was alive, so would they think of doing this now she's not here

Cruse phoned me back, the lady who phoned was very nice, she asked all about me and who had passed away, and when...she also asked if I had any support from friends or family. I told her all my details and she's sending me out a pack that tells me all the info about them, then I think I fill it in and return it, then if someone is free I can get to speak to a counsellor. I'm going to follow this through, I've realised I'm a very "wordy" person (hence big long posts!!)and I need to talk this out, without alienating my friends/or dh. I met a friend yesterday and all I wanted was to talk about mum, but my friend hardly mentioned her, then when I did talk about her I choked up and couldnt speak. I know my friend doesnt know how I feel (her mum and dad are fit and healthy) and I know she not a mind reader, but not talking about my mum was killing me, its all I want to do just now...talking helps to process it in my mind.

Any way girls, I'm sorry this is all me me me.

I know so many of you are suffering just the same as me out there.

I'm so sorry for everyone of us here.

xx

Ssd - glad to hear cruse called you back, let us know how you get on. Im waiting on my apt to come through x

Thinking of you mummylin I hope you days are going as good as they can at the moment, it must be very hard. sending you hugs, x

hugs for us all.xx