"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

Matt came along just two years after Gareth died. I was 27 then.

Tom came along 15 years after Gareth died and 5 years after Matt was killed - when I was almost 41. Tom was the biggest shock of my life but a lovely shock.

I had a second battle with cervical cancer and had a cone biopsy and other horrible treatment - when the dates are worked out I was 10 days pregnant with Tom when I had all my treatment....he was most certainly 'meant to be.'

thing is my ds died because his heart didn't form. so i lost his twin, then my son died, then i had a mc
so im starting to think there is actually something wrong with me

but we had a post mortom when my son died and there was no chromosone abnormailties, and we do have a healthy as far as we know and pray, 5 year old

its nice to hear the stories of the rainbow babies, i just feel i can't find my hope

white I had a mc at 11 weeks as I had an anembryonic pregnancy at 39, then I had Mia at 40. I am now 42, and naturally conceived for this pg.

thanks for all your advice, maybe i shouldnt lose all hope just yet then
it just so draining

white I do sympathise. After D died in May I still felt some hope that I could get pg again even though I am now 43 and I did, but then I had the m/c and like you, it just seemed to knock the last bit of hope out of me. The awful thing is that for the week or so that I was pg I didnt really feel happy or believe it would end in a baby, I just felt scared. I'm currently undecided about whether I can face trying again given all the risks that come with my age and given that I've been feeling a bit fragile this past few weeks, but it's encouraging to hear the positive stories on here. And I'm particularly excited about the imminent arrival of Mia's little brother or sister! Not long to go now xx

When I had Sylvie-Rose, I had a hysterectomy. For the 7 weeks she stayed on earth, that didn't matter. Now it does. I want to say to any of you that has a uterus, give it your best shot. But I can't really say that with a clear conscience when I know that sometimes life takes away more than it gives. What dh and I always said in the good old days when we had all the correct plumbing(!!!) was, how would we feel in 20 years if we hadn't tried to have the family we wanted? I wanted six kids and at least two girls. So close.....
No Mias, I don't DO waterslides! Although we could end up back in waterpark again and God knows what my sons might persuade me to do!

I'm so sorry chip ((()))). So close, that's what hurts so much isn't it? It was beyond my wildest hopes to have two children, a girl and a boy. But I got within touching distance, I was allowed to catch a glimpse of how wonderful that would be before it was snatched away. So cruel. But like you, I just feel I have to give it my best shot, but at what cost, who knows?

I hope you are having fun with your lovely boys. Personally I'm very fond of a waterslide but I do realise it's not everyone's cup of tea! Love to all xx

your right chip, ive thought, that before, that we are lucky enough to least be able to try, even if it doesnt work, at least we have the option of being able to try.
your words have made something in me click, and i shall try again, to have that rainbow baby.

thanks everyone for the advice

having an ok day today, took dd swimming, dh is off too, had a nice lunch, just chilling for half an hour or so to let lunch go down, then see what dd wants to do. got a feeling it will be arts and crafts

i love waterslides too, we went to waterworld in stoke on trent on sunday and it was really fun.

chip (hugs) I knew even after I found out Scarlett had died that I wanted to have another baby, not to replace her but I just felt it. Even knowing how much pain it could cause. It was very difficult though but thankfully turned out ok in the end.

MrsD My eldest ds is in the process of being assessed and I think my youngest one also needs to be as well, my dh is quite ill too with numerous long term problems but we muddle on; as you do. I wonder if the feeling of wanting another ever would go.

Meant to say, I found two white feathers here. So she came with us!

oh wow, so glad you gottwo feathers

i do love getting a feather, esp two.

Well, that's the ILs out of our lives. Tomorrow is DS's birthday, he'll be 4. They sent him nothing, not even a card.

Oh, well. No big loss.

We're getting screwed over by the government, too, over DH's benefits when Aillidh was sick.

So great joy! No child, no money, a great big kerfuffle appealing all this shower of shite, I'm sure we'll get the ol' rent arrears/council tax arrears note so possibly evicted and homeless, too.

The only reason I bother getting out of bed in the morning is for our children. But truly I'm so fucking sick of this life.

Oh Expat what a crock of shite poo!! Do you have anywhere close to you where a solicitors does a free advice evening? You need someone who understands the complicated system to help. Im so sorry you have all this on top of everything else. Is there anything I can do to help (other than winning the lottery?) I would be glad to google stuff for you and try to find help for you. Just shout up if I can do anything xx

Oh Expat, that's so utterly crap, on every level. You'd think "the universe" would owe us some kind of a break, or at least a bloody rest, after all the loss and the horror but sadly it doesn't seem to work like that. I'm really sorry. But if ever anyone had valid grounds of appeal against eviction etc surely you would, though I agree, it's the last thing you should be having to deal with right now. xx

expat I am so sorry that you're going through this, it is unbelievable that the authorities have no compassion! You'd think "call me 'Dave'" would have put measures in place, to prevent other bereaved parents the worry, but unfortunately nothing surprises me any more :(. To add to what shabba said - have you got a benefits advisor at your County Council? They are usually really helpful, and tend to know the rules better than the DSS. xxxxx

Found out that an ex of mine, and also a dear friend, has cancer. He only went in for a biopsy, and was admitted immediately

expat, i'm so sorry to hear that.
must be such a worry ontop of everything else youve been through and still going through
there must be some help out there somewhere, from some sort of childrens charity or church, i have no idea where to start the search perhaps cab?

as for your inlaws, wtf is wrong with the people, well subhumans really
sorry your not well supported.
im so cross on your behalf

i kow its not much good but im thinking of you and big ((()))))

mrs d those baubbles are beautiful, thanks for linking.

MrsDeVere they are lovely. Been looking for something just like this. Thank you.

expat Happy Birthday to your DS tomorrow xx

Morning everyone

Happy birthday to your ds expat what are u guys doing today ?

Anyone else find its the weird things that hurt? Yesterday we went to gullivers land its a theme park for small children. We were saving the log flume for the last ride of the day,as it was so cold, so we could get inthe car and go, I said to.my friend, who has been v supportive, oh lucky for you you have high boots on and a waterproof coat to protect you from the water, we where only laughing and joking around at what nutters we are going on the log flume in Nov, and she replied well at least you won't have two whining kids in the back of your car on the way home
Ouch
Felt like a dagger to the heart
I don't think she.said it to upset me. Not at all.
But its stuff like that that I find really really hard.

We both drove down seperatly as there wasn't enough space in one car

Does anyone else feel that are becomi.g more introverted