"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

oh and i bumped into him when i was out about 6 years ago, many years after dropping him.
i dated him when i lived at home with mum and dad, before i even knew dh

and when i met dh we moved about 20-30 mins away from where mum and dad still live.
bumped into him where i live now on a night out, he said hes married,i certainly did not ask him that! he just came out with it, then in the very next breath he started looking me up and down saying how good looking i was, i turned to my friendds and said lets get out of here and go somewhere else.
so we left before even getting a drink

yuk

really feel sorry for his wife

I think people don't get their comeuppance in this life. Too many times you see that they don't.

I do think they might get their comeuppance in the next one. That it's a game and you are expected to play nicely.

Yeah, this guy didn't care a jot about the person killed in the car accident, only about his own hide.

I completely agree about all this 'fighting' talk. It bears no resemblance to whether you survive something or not, its luck, its how severe the illness it, what strain, whats going on underneath it all. Death does not mean weakness, or a lack of fight. I hate that rubbish. I also get irritated by people who infer that if this situation had happened to them, they would do something more about it, and obviously their child wouldn't die. Bollocks. My mum died of pneumonia caused by breast cancer. Months later, her sister got it too, same grade and stage, so on paper the same should have happened to her. She is fine. She didn't fight more than my mum or want to live more, for some reason she was lucky, and I find it really hard that it had to be my mum that died.

Comeuppance for me is a hard one too. Ultimately I don't think it happens. I am 32 and have already lost my mum and one of my children, people that were most important to me in the world. I have lived a good life, I am a nice person (hopefully!) I don't want much out of my life except to be happy with my family, thats all I have ever wanted, and I have had some horrendous things happen to me. Why? Why do others get to keep their children and their parents and go though life happy? Its something I really struggle with. What did I do to deserve such a bad hand? Next year I have been married 10 years, and not long after my that my mum got poorly. I was saying to my husband that in my worst nightmares I would not have imagined this to be my life 10 years later, I was so happy then.

Hely, I am so sorry about what happened to your little boy, and Expat I am so sorry to hear of what you all had to go through. I can understand your reluctance to hear about chemo and such like Expat. I took myself off Facebook because I couldn't bare to read about my friends kids, so having to read that kind of thing, I can't even imagine.

xxxxxx

Drugs Don't Work"

All this talk of gettin' old It's gettin' me down my love Like a cat in a bag, waitin' to drown This time I'm comin' down And I hope you're thinkin' of meAs you lay down on your side
Now the drugs don't workThey just make you worseBut I know I'll see your face againNow the drugs don't workThey just make you worseBut I know I'll see your face again
But I know, I'm on a losin' streak'Cause I passed down my old streetAnd if you wanna show, then just let me knowAnd I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't workThey just make you worseBut I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if Heaven calls, I'm comin' soonJust like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
All this talk of gettin' oldIt's gettin' me down my loveLike a cat in a bag, waitin' to drownThis time I'm comin' down
Now the drugs don't workThey just make you worseBut I know I'll see your face again
'Cause baby, ooh, if Heaven calls, I'm comin' soonJust like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead
But if you wanna show, just let me knowAnd I'll sing in your ear again
Now the drugs don't workThey just make you worseBut I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face againYeah, I know I'll see your face againYeah, I know I'll see your face againYeah, I know I'll see your face again
Never comin' down, I'm never comin' downNo more, no more, no more, no more, no moreNever comin' down, I'm never comin' downNo more, no more, no more, no more, no moreNever comin' down, I'm never comin' downNo more, no more, no more, no more, no more
THE VERVE - THE DRUGS DON'T WORK LYRICS

just heard this song again for first time in ages, a few things stuck out for me

"West End Girls"

(....forever)

Sometimes you're better off dead
There's gun in your hand and it's pointing at your head
You think you're mad, too unstable
Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables
In a restaurant in a West End town
Call the police, there's a madman around
Running down underground to a dive bar
In a West End town

In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
West End girls

Too many shadows, whispering voices
Faces on posters, too many choices
If, when, why, what?
How much have you got?
Have you got it, do you get it, if so, how often?
And which do you choose, a hard or soft option?
(How much do you need?)

In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
West End girls
West End girls

(How much do you need?)

In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
Oooh West End town, a dead end world
East End boys, West End Girls
West End girls

You've got a heart of glass or a heart of stone
Just you wait 'til I get you home
We've got no future, we've got no past
Here today, built to last
In every city, in every nation
From Lake Geneva to the Finland station
(How far have you been?)

In a West End town, a dead end world
The East End boys and West End girls
A West End town, a dead end world
East End Boys, West End girls
West End girls

West End girls

its weird it like even musi has changed too, i hear different thigns in songs now too, even sings ive heard loads of times before

btw i'm not looking for these songs, just on now thats what i call running, on my phone
iwould certainly never ever kill myself or anything, i love my dd far far too much to even think of it
just these songs keep popping up to me

YY, twinklesunshine.

I have hidden some people on FB.

113 days now, since she died.

The last time we heard her voice was 28 June.

expat ((()))

i hope you have lots of videos and photos

i know its not the same, but still i hope you have them xx

We have. Can't bring myself to watch the video clips just now.

They will be there for you when your ready x r U in bed?

I am and my mind is racing

Hope you got some sleep , white.
Am in Dublin Airport with ds1 and ds2. On our way to Fuerteventura.

Hi chip yes i did thanks, quite a strange dream that my house turned into a house with an industriale kitchen.

Have a lovely Holiday chip, Hope the sun and rest Does you good x

Enjoy Fuerteventura chip, I hope you can get some r&r.

I found my pregnancy with ds2 a strange and tough time too Mia. C was my firstborn and I became pg again a month after he died. So many conflicting emotions. Were we trying to replace C? Were we mentally strong enough to be parents again so soon? Could we love this baby as much as we loved C? Had we put C on a pedestal?

When ds2 was born. We quickly realised that our fears were unfounded. Like in 'normal' circumstances, when another child is born your love isn't halved, it doubles. That sounds so twee, but it's true.

I finally fell asleep around 2.

White The Drugs Don't Work, is a favourite of mine. I'm pretty sure that the lyrics refer to the death of Richard Ashcroft's dad, and not about drug abuse (but they're ambiguous to be relevant to both). I've always thought of it as a 'death' song (death referring to more than just physical death), and I love the emotion of it. It's one of those songs though, that can bring you down, when you're up.

The West End Girls doesn't have any particular resonance for me, but that's because I remember it as a sullen teen . Funny how different songs can mean different things to others.

You are absolutely spot on when you say that the lyrics change - they really do. They give a different depth of understanding, I feel.

Leona Lewis's 'Better In Time', used to be 'my' song following the break-up with an ex. I listened to it in January, and it then became another mourning song.

Christina Aguilera's 'Hurt' is a song that is Tamsin's song - the words are so potent, so powerfulxx

Expat (((hugs))) xx

The song we used at Dexters funeral was Beyonces I was here, the words just seemed so fitting.

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I just want them to know
That I gave my all, did my best
Brought someone to hapiness
Left this world a little better just because...

I was here...

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

beautiful songs.
im going to listen to them when i get my internet conncetion properly sorted, im hooked up to my phone atm, so cant downloadd stuff at the moment.

tami, yes thats what i feel, that everythings changed, even thigns in nature liek the grass does seem so green, the sun doesnt seem so bright, rain stroms don;t seem to be powerful anymore
i love nature but even thats ot the same
and i definatley hear alot of songs differntly now
i hear differnt meanings in everything

im just listening to maverick sabre, a change is gonna come
love it, it really is singing the blues
don't know if theres anything similar?
i also sing the blues to nina simone,ne me quitte pas, it translate to please don't leave me
very apt

also the wanted gold forever

Say my name like it's the last time, Live today like its your last night, We want to cry but we know its alright, Cause I'm with you and your with me, Butterflies, butterflies..we were meant to fly,You and I, you and I..colors in the sky,We could rule the world someday, somehow but we'll never be as bright as we are now.
We're standing in a light that won't fade,Tomorrow's coming but this won't change,Cause some days stay gold forever.The memory of being here with you,Is one I'm gonna take my life through,Cause some days stay gold forever.
Promise me you'll stay the way you are,Keep the fire alive and stay young at heart,When the storm feels like it could blow you out remember,you got me and I got you..cause we are, butterflies, butterflies..we were meant to fly,You and I, you and I..colors in the sky, When the innocence is dead and gone,These will be the times we look back on.[ From: www.metrolyrics.com/gold-forever-lyrics-the-wanted.html ]
We're standing in a light that won't fade,Tomorrow's coming but this won't change,Cause some days stay gold forever.The memory of being here with you,Is one I'm gonna take my life through,Cause some days stay gold forever.
I won't, I won't let your memory go cause your colors they burn so bright,Who knows, who knows what tomorrow will hold but I know that we'll be alright
'Cause we're Butterflies, butterflies..we were meant to fly,You and I, you and I..colors in the sky,We could rule the world someday, somehow but we'll never be as bright as we are now.
We're standing in a light that won't fade,Tomorrow's coming but this won't change,Cause some days stay gold forever.The memory of being here with you,Is one I'm gonna take my life through,Cause some days stay gold forever.

myfive those lyrics sound lovely, i shall def listen to that too, how you doing today?

i particually like gold forever, the part, some days stay gold forever, as my son was born and died o the same day, so that,although heartbreaking, truely was a golden day
and i will always treasure that prescious time
forever

alos bruno mars, i know your someone out there, somewhere far away, i want you back, i want you back

talking to the moon

Hi orchid, I was having a slightly better day today, then I decided to look at Dexters memory box and accidently seen the photos of Dexter the hospital took, they are not the best photos and it just brought the whole night back to me.

How are you today?

xx

They are lovely songs also.

My dh chose the song folding star by biffy clyro

Take a long hard look at yourself
How did you end up here
The blood drips like red inverted balloons
Tomorrow is a promise to no-one

If you want, follow me and I'll lead you inside
You don't have to run and hide

Eleanor, Eleanor
I would do anything for another minute with you because
It's not getting easier, it's not getting easier

In a bedroom with no windows or doors
All the happy people are crying
You can't hold a gaze for a second or two
It always ends in total darkness

Eleanor, Eleanor
I would do anything for another minute with you because
It's not getting easier, it's not getting easier
You will be folding stars
You can't ever understand
It's not getting easier, it's not getting easier

It ends in a place with no love only hate
And a mirror reflecting the truth
In your eyes, in your face you can't wash it away
From your cold, cold heart

I hope that you're folding stars

hi 5 boys, ((()))
i think its the hospital camera, ds's photos that the hospital took, for us, are not good, the exposure is all wrong, so glad we took our own camera and phones.
i actually put the hospital ones in an envelope, because i didnt want to see those ones, just ours.
but i couldnt throw them away.
so put them in a envelope
maybe you could do that too?

i'm okish today thanks, well just being crying at various songs, but not feeling too terrible.
we had quite a nice day out me dh and dd.
we went to waterworld in stoke on trent, its quite far from here, about 2 hours, but was good and worth the journey
so ive actually been feeling okish today, which for me is good.

that sounds lovely myfive.
can't wait till i can hear it properly
xx

Lovely songs, white, myfive and tami. I actually barely listen to music anymore, for the reasons you say - I find new poignancy in some of the songs I love, and it makes them too hard to hear. The particular songs which resonate for me are the ones we chose for the celebration of Mia's life - and different versions seem to pop up in supermarkets and other random places quite often.

A bit of a shock yesterday. I went into the supermarket, and walked to the newspaper stand, and suddenly I realised I recognised a photo on the front page of a local paper - Mia's inquest was their cover story, entitled "A parent's worst nightmare." I guess I shouldn't have been shocked, as I knew that they were running the story, and it was factually very accurate (unlike some reports) but still...

shabba that is an amazing poem. It describes this thread very well, I think.

chip enjoy the sunshine on holiday. I would be quite except that you are too lovely!

Ilike right now is indeed a very funny time. I had a bit of a scare today, with side pains, so Mr Mia and I ended up at the hospital all morning while baby was monitored, scanned and checked. All ok, thank goodness. It is the same place where Mia was born, so lots of memories.