"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

Thinking of you tonight Chip, love to you and Sylvie-Rose x
I know that feeling of dread, it would have been Jacob's 1st birthday next Monday and I am dreading it. Holding it together at the moment but have no idea what to expect on the day.
Love and hugs to all those with an anniversary coming up.

thanks all. It wasn't too bad a day, we went to her grave, tidied it up and dh and I had a nice lunch out.
But then, as I was almost home after collecting ds3 and ds4 from nursery, I rolled down the window to speak to my next door neighbour who was out on her drive with her two little girls. She then told them that I had four boys and no girls. And I was just dumbstruck and couldn't even answer. I feel I let Sylvie-Rose down. Today of all days.

chip, oh, please don't feel bad. She was being very insensitive. But I am so sorry that you had such an encounter today. However, the really important people in your life know the truth. Sylvie-Rose is always a beautiful and beloved daughter, sister, grandchild and niece. That will never change. xx

Chip you didn't let Sylvie-Rose down - no way. Your neighbour was incredibly insensitive, so sorry that you had to face that today

And I thought for a minute, maybe she was trying to protect her dd's. But my little guys were sitting in the car and when we got to our drive ds3 said "What did she mean, no girls?"

tallulah cross-posted with you. I will be thinking of your little man on his first birthday and hoping he has found our little lady to play with!

Sending love to you and your family today chipxx

Hey Lavandes xx

Morning ladies. Hope you are all well and having gentle days.

I'm having a bad morning today, and wish I could call in sick, but seeing as I already asked for today off work, don't think that would be a great idea!

I've been lurking recently, but will try and come back on later to catch up with you all.

I'd like to quickly say a thank you to those of you who supported the auction, by sharing, and bidding. We've raised a great amount for Sands, we really appreciate the support. xxx

Thanks Chip, it would be nice to think of them playing together!
Glad you had a peaceful day, but how difficult for you to explain the insensitivity of your neighbour to your boys.

Hello all. mrsY hope you are feeling better this morning, and that you feel a sense of pride in all the amazing fundraising you have been doing.

chip did you resolve things with your neighbour about what she said (well, didn't say) about Sylvie-Rose, or are you letting it go? Hope you are feeling 'better', whatever that is. A whole year seems inconceivable though. Just impossible.

tallulah thinking of you in these next few days in the lead-up to Jacob's birthday. I hope they are gentle for you. And I am sure our children are playing together - in fact, I recently had a dream where I saw Mia in a big house playing with lots of children I didn't know...

Ten days to go now until Mia's inquest. My parents arrive on Tuesday. Feeling calm about it all, but also slightly sick. DH and MiasGrandad have put hundreds of hours of preparation into it all. Now organising the necessary mundanities - lunch, tea and coffee facilities, taxis for various people... We weren't going to be given a conference room or access to a kettle until our lawyer pointed out that I am 31 weeks' pregnant. Just odd.

Tomorrow we are off to plant snowdrops, an activity organised by a local bereaved parents' group.

Hello all. There seem to be a lot of anniversaries around at this time of year - you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Mias I can only imagine how hard it is for you to have to prepare for an inquest so close to your baby's arrival - lots of love and support x

DS1 goes off to university today :( I'm so proud but incredibly anxious. I know he worries about me (even though I try to be strong) & I of course want him to have a fantastic time, but...

I can't really talk to anyone because it's all wrapped up with losing DS3. I know I'd be a bit worried anyway, but it's so hard to articulate. He's a lovely, sensitive soul & I shall miss him :( x

Mias I didn't resolve them. To be fair, I barely talk to her, not because I've ever disliked her ( although I think maybe now I do!) but because I rarely see her. We both work FT and this probably sounds ridiculous but the hedge between our front gardens is so high that we actually have to go out of our drives to see each other. I don't think it's worth pursuing but what it has done is make me more ready to say something if someone else does.

Helyantha I think how you're feeling is normal, though of course, no one in RL would understand, not really; empathise - yes, but truly understand - no! It's incredibly brave though, to send him off, to have a fantastic time, even with a lump in your throat, and an ache in your heart (((hugs))) xx

Sorry for my off/on appearances, I don't really understand it, but I (at times) want to run away from my feelings, and think by staying away from this thread, then I can pretend I am fine, that I am coping well... and to all intents & purposes, it does appear to be successful. That is until something, just little, triggers me.

Yesterday I took DD1 to a new toddler group. It was fine, lots of little babies, no pangs from me at all.

Then we started singing. Again, fine. Until we sung "You are my sunshine" and bam it hit me. I pressed my fingers against my palm, trying to distract the pain. My eyes still welled up, and I had to take several deep gulps. Throughout it, I smiled at DD1, determined that she shouldn't have a different mum to others. Of course her life is different to others, but what the hell is normal? I know the singer saw me, and I'm angry, why the hell did that song trigger something?

Tami, music just has that effect. I have always cried at certain songs and there are others that I used to listen to around the time Sylvie-Rose died, that I will never listen to again without crying.

I know what you mean about staying away and feeling that you can cope. I feel that I'm always pretending to cope.

Hi everyone, been very up and down, Thu had quite a nice day, then in the evening out with friends for a meal, actually did have a nice time, came home went to bed, woke up at three am,couldn't

Couldn't get baby orchid out of my mind, my.mind was just racing, then.I couldn't stop sobbing was the first time I've drank any alcohol I think since I lost my son, I'm afraid to drink really incase it unleshrs a sobbing beast.

Chip I'm so sorry you had to experience your neighbours comment on such a difficult.day, if you went back in time what would you say? This is definatly the sort of thing

Couldn't get baby orchid out of my mind, my.mind was just racing, then.I couldn't stop sobbing was the first time I've drank any alcohol I think since I lost my son, I'm afraid to drink really incase it unleshrs a sobbing beast.

Chip I'm so sorry you had to experience your neighbours comment on such a difficult.day, if you went back in time what would you say? This is definatly the sort of thing

That happens to me, as when I was pregnant this last time before I had this miscarriage in august, people keep refering to the new baby I was expecting as baby number two and saying stuff to.me like just wait till you have two. When I already have two children just one of them has died

That happens to me, as when I was pregnant this last time before I had this miscarriage in august, people keep refering to the new baby I was expecting as baby number two and saying stuff to.me like just wait till you have two. When I already have two children just one of them has died

Sorry about he crazy posting. I'm on my phone, having a lay down in bed, hiding basically :(

Do anyone of you knowany good books worth reading regarding child loss? My neighbor gave me a book called the art of happiness. One just started it, it says you should look at people in worse situations than yourself and be thankful your not them but I'm not sure that really a nice thing to do. J started a thread about it in chat actually

We visited baby orchids grave today to change the flowers, dh said he thinks we should come down on Xmas day, it ten Min walk from our house. not sure why but my instinct was to say not sure about Xmas day maybe Xmas eve.
And I'm.not sure why that is

Anyone else awake at this time? This is when I always wake 4 ish even though I'm totally exhausted :-(

Hello Orchid, I've been waking early too lately, it was 12.30 am this morning! had to read then fall asleep on the sofa so as not to wake Dh. It's in the middle of the night that all the hard thoughts and feelings come rushing back, all the memories and what ifs. I can cope during the day, keep busy, go to work etc. Everyone thinks we cope so well but they don't see the way we fall apart in private.
Hope you managed to go back to sleep for a while.

Thank you tami. It's another new chapter for all of us & I know he'll be fine. It will take me & DH a while to adjust though :) I completely understand your desire to escape your feelings &, strangely, music can sometimes help me do that. On the other hand, it can trigger things completely out of the blue & there's no way of knowing. I had to leave a works do recently because the band played a song which totally threw me. It's the combination of a big social event & 'something else' which I find hard. Be gentle on yourself x

Orchid I found Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book 'On Children & Death' useful. She's an eminent psychologist, but writes in a very accessible way.