"You Light The Skies Up Above Me, A Star So Bright You Blind Me" Remembering all our precious children.

[fioled]

For my beautiful baby Anabelle Violet, loved and missed to the moon and back, always xxx How hard we wish that you were here baby girl.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

For all our babies and children, big and small xx

Oh, chip ((())). I ran into the doctor who vented Aillidh a couple of weeks ago in a shopping centre.

At the time, he was very kind, allowed us to stay when she was being put under and I remember how shocked he was that I shook his hand and thanked him, telling him I knew she wouldn't wake but bore it very calmy.

He stopped to offer his condolensces and I made a complete fool out of myself, dissolving into sobs and him ending up holding me and then sitting me down and someone bringing me a cup of tea. Poor fella! I said, 'Sorry.' He was like, no, it was quite allright.

Oh, expat! I find that when I'm expecting to see someone that I can hold it together but if I see someone that I wasn't expecting to see, the floodgates can open!

I saw him once and did a double-take and then saw him again and we both stopped. I said, 'Hello, Neil. Thank you so much again for letting us stay to hear her one more time,' and that point I was holding it together until he started speaking.

Oh I hate running into people, I avoid going into my little village as much as possible so I don't get this. But, one of my mums friends works in the supermarket. My mum died a few years ago, so this friend wouldn't know what has happened, but she knew that I had 3 boys and would always talk to them when I went in. Last time I went in she saw me in the que, and said to me 'oh you only have the 2 today then'. I could feel myself getting panicky and upset, so I really quietly said he had died. She then said he what? And I had to repeat it again louder with everyone watching me. Then I had to go to the checkout and pay. It was awful.

I am like you Chip, I can normally hold it together but its when I am faced with a situation that is out of the blue that I cant seem to control myself. Thats the only one I have had like that though, I think it helps living in such a small village, everyone knows your business.

xxxx

I live in a village too and I agree it does help if you don't have to keep explaining over and over. It's more in work that it's a problem because people tend to have an eye exam every two years. I am expecting a barrage of queries next year.

Everyone in the village knows she died, so I don't usually have a problem. But I've been running into her doctors at random left and right. I have seen her consultant in a personal setting, but that's different because I expected it and it wasn't random.

It's when it's random that it's so sad.

The finality of her death, that she is never ever coming home to be with us again that is so hard to bear.

Yes, when I know I am likely to encounter questions, I can usually deal with it. Yesterday, I was writing a text on my phone, and one of the abbreviations that came up was my initial alongside Mia's. I realised that was the sign-off I would use to DH when Mia and I were off having adventures and wanted to share a funny story about her. However, I have recently had various emails from former colleagues, who are likely to be interested in working together in the future, but they aren't close, so they definitely wouldn't know about Mia. I am deliberately procrastinating in replying, as I will have to say what has happened in my life over the past two years...

Glad it's not just me then! :)

We actually have friends we used to see around once a year who don't know about Sylvie-Rose. The dw knew I was pregnant, I met her one day but we never got in touch when she was born as things were so hectic. Then when she died, I couldn't find their number and they seemed to have made it ex-directory.
And the longer it goes without phoning them, the harder it's getting.

Evening all. I know exactly what you mean about the unexpected meeting or question, it just throws me. I finally had a quick chat with my colleague who is also a bereaved Mum. She asked me how I was doing and I just welled up, and then she did too. I wanted to hug her but knew that if I did I would be a howling mess in the middle of the office. I've been on edge all day since

Chip and Mia I have a friend who I lost touch with after DD1 was born. She got in touch at Christmas and I was getting set to drop her a line and meet-up but then DD1 died. I can't bear the thought that her dying will be one of the first things I have to tell my friend, so I haven't contacted her. It's just too hard.

We're coming up to DD1's birthday too which is making me really tense with the anticipation that it will be a very hard day. I should be planning her party and chasing RSVPs from her new school friends. I hate this all so much.

I feel like the illustrations in Michael Rosen's Sad Book. Weirdly, it's a book that really helps me - I think he's an amazing author and Quentin Blake is such an insightful illustrator: www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Rosens-Sad-Book-Rosen/dp/1406317845/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1349211360&sr=8-1

I'm so sorry to be such a whinge-bag lately btw. I hate being like this. Sending love and to you all

OH FFS! MNHQ really do need to change that smiley to stop confusing literal idiots like me

MrsK, if you can't whinge here, where can you whinge, eh? I'm glad you and your colleague had a little moment, I honestly thing only people who have lost a child every truly get it.

It's tomorrow.
I don't know why I feel nervous, as if something's going to happen. . Nothing is going to happen.
Yesterday, dh was in a car crash. The car is wrecked and it looks as though it will have to be scrapped. But thank God dh is shaken, has a swollen knew and a sore neck but he's alive! It could have been so much worse.

Oh chip. How horrible about the accident, but so relieved to hear DH is physically ok. I know what you mean about the dread of waiting, as illogical as it might feel, it is still a very real emotion. Have you had any thoughts on how you might like particularly to remember Sylvie-Rose? Sending you wishes for white feathers, rainbows and cloud kisses, and an enormous hug too. X

Chip so glad to hear there wasn't any serious injuries. You and your family certainly have a guardian angel looking after you. I often get that feeling my love. Its usually when something has gone wrong for myself, family or friends. You start doubting everything and the feeling of 'doom and gloom' envelopes you. xxx

Oh Chip so glad to hear that your DH wasn't seriously hurt. Do you have any plans for tomorrow, or are you going to see how you go? Am thinking of you and yours and sending you lots of love xx

chip and tami - driving home today, amidst sunshine and raindrops, I was given the privilege to see not one, but two huge rainbow arcs against a sky of black clouds. I thought of them immediately as Sylvie-Rose and Tamsin, sending their glorious love to you both, especially when part of the arcs were hidden in the clouds, where I imagined your girls were hidden, peeping through to see my reaction. I sent them both my love, and thought how very much they are missed by their lovely mothers.

chip, sending so much love to Sylvie-Rose, you and the family today. xx

Thinking of you today chip and your lovely Sylvie-Rose xx

Lots of hugs for chip thinking of you x

Thinking about you and all the family today Chips x

(((())))to you Chip and your whole family, thinking of you and your beautiful Sylvie-Rose xx

chip thinking of you and beautiful Sylvie-Rose (((hugs))) xx