In memory of our lovely Aillidh

[expatinscotland]

At 11.25 last night, our beautiful, 9-year-old daughter died of complications from treatment for acute myeloid leukaemia, she went into respiratory failure after contracting human metapneumo virus following conditioning chemotherapy for stem cell transplant.

For many days, she lingered on a ventilator. But last night, she developed a pneumothorax and rapidly deteriorated.

She died within seconds of the ventilator being taken off.

I can't believe she's gone, or how broken her long body looked.

Expat ,i can imagine yesterday was very painful for you and your Dh.I hope you are getting some extra strength from all of us.What a fabulous source you have been to your dear daughter,fighting all her corners and being so dignified and strong.Thinking of you in these dark horrible days.

What a lovely and thought provoking post mumat39

Still thinking of you, your DH and Aillidhs little brother & sister (((hugs)))

Praying for you Expat

So very sorry Expat and family, I cannot imagine your pain. Sincere condolences. x

I've read every post and struggled for ages with what to write as the tears have flowed for your family and your pain.
The only memory I have that might offer something is that when my darling baby girl died in the wee hours in PICU (of a bastard tumour), we walked broken back to the hospital flat to tell our two little boys. I felt like I had left my soul behind with her, and nothing would ever be right in life again. My little boy (who has a chin just like hers) poked his head out of the sleeping bag and my bigger boy (who has her button nose), looked at us blearily, and I knew that at that moment I would carry on and the sun would bloody shine again, because it had to, because my children needed me. We told the boys and they cried for a while, then my four year old said 'so what's the good news' with such trust that their was some, and I knew that I would have to shine again to, one day, for them and their sister.

I don't think anything will help for a while perhaps, but your amazing love for your children will pull you on and through the minutes and hours and your little girl will be safe and cherished forever in your heart, always there.

Expat
I it a candle for Aillidh at church on sunday and you are all never far from my thoughts.
x

Expat - my heart breaks for you as do hearts all over the world. Aillidh touched so many people. I have been thinking of the words to this song all day - it's the translation of an old gaelic song ( an eldery neighbour gave me the words when my daughter was born - she has the same beautiful name as your darling girl).

The way is long to island glen and shieling
The climb is steep o'er heather, crag and moor
But soft the tear of longing, Eilidh darling
For mem'ry's kiss in Laggan by the shore.
Your hand in mine and promise to be waiting
In sea-girt isle where living vows were made
Your heart will ever guide my spirit sailing
To Tir-nan-og where love can never fade.
(Tir-nan-og : land of the ever young)

Greengoose, I am so sorry, your post made me cry again at the injustice of children being taken away from us before their time. Like Expat, you have a composure and dignity in your post that I don't think I would have the strength to replicate if I ever lost one of my DC.

Expat, thinking of you again today and of the other mothers/posters that have shared their stories and offered love and strength on this post. xx

greengoose what a wonderful post.

And so true, I think my 2 younger DCs were what carried me through the horrific days and months after Lily was taken by this horrible horrible disease.

No one should have to go through this, sadly there are so many of our DCs that were taken from us so soon, that we will carry in our heart and soul forever.

I'm still Lilys mummy, even though she is with the Angels and I wish you the strength you need expat to get through the days.

I pray for you, your family, your children.

The darkness will pass somewhat, to a point where you can remember the absolute love and joy Aillidh bought to your life and thank god for giving her to you, even for such a short time.

I know you will keep her memory burning brightly for everyone, she touched so many people's hearts with her courage and strength.

Oh expat - there are no words, just tears xxx

So very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Still thinking of you Expat.

My Beautiful Boy died 9 years ago on Sunday he was 13years.
Expat I know the pain you are suffering. I would love to say it gets better sadly it does not. It is there when you go to sleep and still there when you wake up. You wil learn to live with it. I can promise you though one day you will embrace the pain as it is part of loving a precious child and the pain is the only tangible thing you have left.
My love to you and your family you will survive and will laugh again
Aillidh rest little one xxx

Expat, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking about you and ailidh.

An I'm also really sorry to read stories from others who have lost children. I dont understand. How is it fair, why does it happen?

It isn't fair. It isn't right. It's just dreadful. I think everybody struggles with it - or should do. If you can accept with an unfeeling equanimity the death of loved and treasured children then there would be something very, very wrong with you.

I believe Aillidh is home safe with God but that isn't where I want her to be. My heart breaks for Expat and for all the other parents who have so bravely talked about their loss to try and help her with hers. I have no answers. I don't think there are any that we can see, in our present state. But still I believe and I pray and I think we have work to do for God. When Jesus was on the cross His mother, Mary, was watching and Jesus saw her and told the disciple John to take her in to his house and treat her as his mother. He told Mary that John would be her son. That's not airy-fairy-will-all-be-sorted-out-a-later-date stuff. That's God on Earth seeing her pain and doing something to care for her.

Expat, I was so sad to hear about Aillidh.... What words can I find that will make it any better? There are none. You and your family will be in my thoughts for a long time.

Aillidh's memory will live on in so many ways... The many people that joined the Anthony Nolan register after hearing of her story, the other mums that have shared Aillidh's smile with their own children...

So very sad for you all

So sorry for your loss

Another terrible day for you all. I still think about you all a lot throughout the day.

no words are adequate. Silent tears are streaming down. Xxx

The only way I can think about Mia, and Aillidh, and Billie, and Merryn, and all the other beautiful children is this...

It isn't fair. I don't understand. I will never understand. If I do, the world becomes an even darker place, and I cannot move forward in life if this is true. Our children are all good things in this world - joy, happiness, wonder, light and love, and to only see the darkness is to deny them. I cannot ever deny my daughter. So I must honour their memories by believing in goodness.

Its totally shit.

Cancer is a real bastard.

Apologies if too frank but I am far too angry for you to be eloquant.

Lots of good wishes and hope for peace

OMG I am so sorry

Oh Expat. I am so, so sorry. Had so hoped she could rally, poor Aillidh. You will be in my thoughts.