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In memory of our lovely Aillidh

1439 replies

expatinscotland · 08/07/2012 11:56

At 11.25 last night, our beautiful, 9-year-old daughter died of complications from treatment for acute myeloid leukaemia, she went into respiratory failure after contracting human metapneumo virus following conditioning chemotherapy for stem cell transplant.

For many days, she lingered on a ventilator. But last night, she developed a pneumothorax and rapidly deteriorated.

She died within seconds of the ventilator being taken off.

I can't believe she's gone, or how broken her long body looked.

OP posts:
stickyj · 08/07/2012 20:51

I posted on an earlier thread to say that I would light a candle at 8pm. I told my youngest who's 13 and bless him, I was working and he came in quietly and lit her candle at 8pm. It's burning for your little girl and also for all of those who are left behind. She is safe and well now and I wanted to say that Expat, you are in my thoughts but also Allidh's Daddy. He must be a man in a million to have had such a strong, wonderful girl and to have given the support I know he will have had to both you, Expat and your younger ones.

God Bless xx

SpringHeeledJack · 08/07/2012 20:51

there are no words, expat

so very very sorry

shaketheshame · 08/07/2012 20:52

I'm so sorry for your loss expat, so very sorry Sad

Puisque l'ombre gagne
Puisqu'il n'est pas de montagne
Au-delà des vents plus haute que les marches de l'oubli
Puisqu'il faut apprendre
A défaut de le comprendre
A rêver nos désirs et vivre des "ainsi-soit-il"
Et puisque tu penses
Comme une intime évidence
Que parfois même tout donner n'est pas forcément suffire
Puisque c'est ailleurs
Qu'ira mieux battre ton cœur
Et puisque nous t'aimons trop pour te retenir
Puisque tu pars
Que les vents te mènent où d'autres âmes plus belles
Sauront t'aimer mieux que nous puisque
L'on ne peut t'aimer plus
Que la vie t'apprenne
Mais que tu restes le même
Si tu te trahissais nous t'aurions tout à fait perdu
Garde cette chance
Que nous t'envions en silence
Cette force de penser que le plus beau reste à venir
Et loin de nos villes
Comme octobre l'est d'avril
Sache qu'ici reste de toi comme une empreinte Indélébile
Sans drame, sans larme
Pauvres et dérisoires armes
Parce qu'il est des douleurs qui ne pleurent qu'à l'intérieur
Puisque ta maison
Aujourd'hui c'est l'horizon
Dans ton exil essaie d'apprendre à revenir
Mais pas trop tard
Dans ton histoire
Garde en mémoire
Notre au revoir
Puisque tu pars
Dans ton histoire
Garde en mémoire
Notre au revoir
Puisque tu pars
J'aurai pu fermer, oublier toutes ces portes
Tout quitter sur un simple geste mais tu ne l'as pas fait
J'aurai pu donner tant d'amour et tant de force
Mais tout ce que je pouvais ça n'était pas encore assez
Pas assez, pas assez, pas assez
Dans ton histoire (dans ton histoire)
Garde en mémoire (garde en mémoire)
Notre au revoir (notre au revoir)
Puisque tu pars (puisque tu pars)...

Jean Jacques Goldman

doggiemumma · 08/07/2012 20:52

Lovely heartfelt post from Northern. I am so very soory expat, i didn't follow the story of beautiful ailidh, i didn't realise that she was your daughter :( My heart wrenched when i read this (you wont remember me as im a name changer) but you are one of the most sincere people on here i have ever come across. I wish i could take even an ounce of your sorrow away, but i can't. God bless xx

Lizzylou · 08/07/2012 20:52

Northern has said it all beautifully.
Expat, I remember you speaking of your beautiful eldest child with her long lithe limbs, gorgeous eyes and hair which made peopi stop and stare at it's beauty. You are such a strong and determined woman and ailidh obviously had your
strength and fighting spirit in bucket loads. I am so sorry that she was taken so soon.

sparkle12mar08 · 08/07/2012 20:53

It's not right, and it's not fair. It isn't. My heart breaks for you Expat. Night night Aillidh, night night x

mummyinspain · 08/07/2012 20:53

May my tears, however usless wash away some of your pain. May my words however stupid let you know that we are here, May my candle however small burn for the star that you have lost, and my love let you know you are not alone.

I have no words, so if it is ok, I am going to borrow them from some much more wise than me.

I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother,
And I know I heard him say:
A mother has a baby,
This we know is true.
But, God, can you be a mother,
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied,
With confidence in his voice.
I give many women babies,
When they leave is not thier choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But theres no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish that I could show you,
What your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile,
With other children who say:
We go to earth and learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My mommy loved me oh so much,
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My mommy set me free.
I miss my mommy oh so much,
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow's where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
"Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."
So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are Ok.
Your babies are here in My home,
They'll be at heavens gate for you.
So now you see what makes a mother.
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start.
Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,
until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day,
And you'll know that you're the best one!

monkeysmama · 08/07/2012 20:53

There are very many of us that you don't know who've been thinking of you a lot and willing things to be different. Her fight was an inspiration. I'm so terribly sorry.

bobkate · 08/07/2012 20:54

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Like many on here I don't know you but Aillidh's bravery, courage and determination has humbled me and also given me the motivation to join the Anthony Nolan register. I wish you and your family and friends love, and my thoughts are with you all xx

VenetiaLanyon · 08/07/2012 20:55

Expat, I'm so terribly sorry. Take care xxx

PiggyPlumPie · 08/07/2012 20:57

Expat, Mr Expat and family

I am so very very sorry.... words cannot express

Thankyou for sharing Aillidh with us, Sleep tight angel.

Take care my love

StainlessSteelCat · 08/07/2012 20:57

I am so sorry for you all. I can't find the words. Just wishing you all love and strength, whatever you need at this time.

coribells · 08/07/2012 20:58

I am so so sorry, thats all i can say.

Moodykat · 08/07/2012 20:58

I'm so terribly sorry. Just so sorry. xxx

Devora · 08/07/2012 20:59

I'm so sorry, expat. There are no words.

stickyj · 08/07/2012 21:00

I also wanted to say something really, really quietly for all those who have been there, just there. I know it's way, way off but when it's time to say goodbye if it's an open goodbye, I would like to be there. I would like to stand in the background with a tiny candle badge on my chest and just be there, just to say goodbye in my own way and also, without being obtrusive, to let Expat and her whole family know that I prayed, prayed my flipping socks off and I cared and am still caring.

I want to pay my respects, I can't do the Nolan thing because I'm too old. I want to say goodbye and Thank You to a brave little girl who had made my whole family of teens stop, think and light the candles when I had gone to bed, because they were awake and wanted to.

xxxxx

Triggles · 08/07/2012 21:00

Expat, so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful Aillidh's journey has brought hope to families and will save many other children that previously may not have been saved. I am so saddened that it cost her own life.

What a difference one little girl can make in the world! God bless.

mrswarthog · 08/07/2012 21:01

Am so sorry for your loss, x

TheHouseofMirth · 08/07/2012 21:02

I am so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry that you are all having to endure this heartbreak. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing you fought every step of the way for your beautiful girl and that she always knew how very much she was loved. I have thought of Aillidh constantly for the past few days and I will continue to hold you all in my thoughts.

lunar1 · 08/07/2012 21:03

So sorry your beautiful daughter is gone, I have no words to offer, just more tears to add to the river.

NomNomingiaDePlum · 08/07/2012 21:03

heartbroken for you. wishing you strength.

shadowland · 08/07/2012 21:05

I am so, so sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter...there are no words....

stealthsquiggle · 08/07/2012 21:07

Expat, you titled this thread "in memory of our beautiful Aillidh" and that is indeed who she was. You were generous enough to share your gorgeous girl with us all over the last few months. I, like so many others, have gone to sleep thinking of Aillidh and woken reaching for my phone to check for news of her. She died surrounded by the love of many many people, most of whom had never met her and the impact she had on all of us will remain.

BulletProofMum · 08/07/2012 21:07

I'm so sorry for your loss. Stay strong

pigpog · 08/07/2012 21:08

I'm so so sorry x

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