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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

MY son died

778 replies

mumof2teenboys · 04/07/2012 04:13

Don't know how to say it, but need to put it down. My beautiful son was found dead last night. I don't know what to do. He is 22 but still my baby, how do you begin to process something like this?

OP posts:
LatteLady · 11/07/2012 17:33

I am so sorry for your loss. My mother lost my brother when he was 39... as I am 9 years younger than him, he was always her baby.

I can only imagine how hard this must be to deal with... do not torture yourself with what ifs but comfort yourself with OMG wasn't it amazing when he... That was the only way I could get through when friends of mine took their lives.

And finally remember there is no right way to get through this, whatever takes you through is right. xxx

BellaVita · 11/07/2012 17:45

Both your boys sound amazing, just as you are.

I want to give you a huge bear hug Sad

I honestly don't know how anyone copes when they lose a child. Last year at the secondary school I work at, we lost a pupil (12 yrs old) in similar circumstances and this affected me for a long time, so god only knows how you must be feeling.

Be kind to yourself xx

Original poster
mumof2teenboys · 11/07/2012 23:48

We have James' funeral tomorrow, I really don't know what to do to get though this, it hurts to breathe at the moment.
How do I hold it together? How do I say goodbye?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 11/07/2012 23:52

Just try and lean on people who are there to support you xxx

You don't have to hold it together

Maryz · 11/07/2012 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitPursuedByABear · 11/07/2012 23:55

I don't know sweetheart, but you will, one breath at a time.

I have been to two funerals of friends who committed suicide. The sheer numbers of people attending seemed to carry the family through the day. At one, the boys mother said something along the lines of "If he knew that all these people cared about him maybe he would still be here today". Of course, it is not that simple, and all those people were there for the family as much as the deceased.

I hope that you find the strength you need tomorrow.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Idreamof · 11/07/2012 23:58

I am so sorry, mumof2,i don't know. Do you have someone near you? I am so sorry.

TheFallenMadonna · 12/07/2012 00:00

I don't know what to say. I hope I'm not saying something stupid.

Tomorrow I think you will be surrounded by people who remember James before his illness claimed him. Who will share those memories with you, and prompt memories of your own. Everything you have lost, but also everything that you had. I (and most of MN I think) will be thinking of you and your beautiful boy.

LackaDAISYcal · 12/07/2012 00:00

By taking It one breath at a time.

Wishing you strength for tomorrow, mum2 xx

Yellowtip · 12/07/2012 00:01

mumof2 there can't be the slightest need to hold it together. No-one could expect you too. I shall be thinking of you all day tomorrow. I also don't see why tomorrow should be a goodbye.

Yellowtip · 12/07/2012 00:02

No-one could expect you to - sorry.

shabbapinkfrog · 12/07/2012 00:04

Mumof - I will be thinking about you tomorrow. You can do this. You have to have (what my DS4 used to call a funeral) a 'Bye bye party' for your precious lad. There is no shame in crying, shouting, laughing or smiling. The hardest day but a day that I know you will 'get through' even though I have never met you. 'There is no death, so sad, as that of a child.' AND, as my Mum always says to me 'You are still my baby even though you are 56 this year.'

Could I please say 'Goodbye James, goodbye till you and your family all meet again. Will you look out for my two sons - they are called Gareth & Matt....I haven't seen them for such a long time. Gareth is 30 and Matt is 28. They will show you around and enjoy causing trouble with you!!! Dont rest in peace but cause havoc with their help please.'

Will be virtually walking by the side of you tomorrow. If you feel like you cant do it just lean on me and I will help you.xxxx

CuttedUpPear · 12/07/2012 00:04

Thinking of you and your difficult journey.
All the love in the world to you.

NorksAreMessy · 12/07/2012 00:05

shabba that is beautiful

WhatWouldMargoDo · 12/07/2012 00:05

thinking of you michelle. i am so so sorry.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/07/2012 00:07

Oh Mumof2 - no-one will expect you to hold it together :(

I also have two boys and even imagining the edges of your pain breaks my heart. I will think of you tomorrow and wish you strength to get through the day.

Bless you and your lovely boy xx

Alameda · 12/07/2012 00:10

will be thinking of you tomorrow, with lots of love xxx

Thumbwitch · 12/07/2012 00:16

You will get through it, because it will happen around you. Lean on Sam and Moon, let them help you through. Let anyone who wants to help you - there will be many willing hands/shoulders.
Cry if you need to - but it's ok if you don't. There are no "rights" or "wrongs" at a time like this, you just do what you have to.

Lots of love and strength for tomorrow - will light a candle for James. xx

CakeistheAnswer · 12/07/2012 00:32

So many people sending you their love to help you survive tomorrow - we can't take away the pain, but please know that we are sharing it with you.

You have shown amazing strength. Do whatever you feel you need to do; no-one will judge you. xx

BellaVita · 12/07/2012 06:24

Thinking of you and wishing you much strength xxxxx

Fedupnagging · 12/07/2012 06:29

Am so so sorry for your loss and wishing all the strength in the world for today. Xx

MinnieBar · 12/07/2012 06:59

Thinking of you today.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 12/07/2012 07:09

Mumof2 - sending love and strength, you and your family are in my thoughts, big hug Xx

BumpingFuglies · 12/07/2012 07:13

Mumof2, I'm wishing you strength for today, love and prayers for you and your family. x

TimeForMeAndDD · 12/07/2012 07:17

Thinking of you today, sending lots of love and strength X

'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal'