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Bereavement

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Original poster

MY son died

778 replies

mumof2teenboys · 04/07/2012 04:13

Don't know how to say it, but need to put it down. My beautiful son was found dead last night. I don't know what to do. He is 22 but still my baby, how do you begin to process something like this?

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 09/07/2012 12:54

Oh Michelle I do feel for you, so much.

It is impossible to express properly on here. Actually, GirlwiththeMousyHair said it pretty well, 'my heart is sore at the thought of how yours must be breaking'.

Wishing you strength to get through today and every day xx

Abra1d · 09/07/2012 13:01

Still thinking of you, Michelle. You WILL get through this, though it is awful that you have to. And Sam will understand.

KnottyLocks · 09/07/2012 13:33

Sending you an enormous hug.

Have also PMed you. x

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 09/07/2012 13:54

Exactly GirlWithTheMousyHair

my heart is sore at the thought of how yours must be breaking

Thinking of you and your family and wishing you all find the strength to get through today and the days ahead.

MissDuffy · 09/07/2012 13:59

Sending hugs xx

DancesWithWoolsEnPointe · 09/07/2012 14:04

Mumof/Michelle, I'm so sad for you. I'm sure you have been told this already - but anger is a normal stage of grief, especially when you lose someone the way you have. Not that that makes it any easier to feel that way, but it is normal. You can't fight the feelings, just let them come, accept their presence and ride them out.

I did my best to knit a J for your blanket. I'm working on an S now :)

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/07/2012 16:16

Michelle - when you have been through this (though not my child) you just want to be able to take that pain away from anyone else going through it - it's just not fair, it shouldn't be happening. He was a young man with his life ahead of him. Please try to not be angry with him, his illness stopped him doing what you wish he had (confiding in someone). Be angry with the illness, be angry with the health service, be angry with the world, but don't be angry with James - it wasn't a decision he made as a well person, it was the illness. It sounds as though he had many many friends and they are all wanting to share this time with you, this tells me that he knew exactly how much you loved him. I'm sure Sam is as devastated as you are, there's no way he's going to feel less loved because you are grieving for James' - that's just your grief making you worry about that.

You, Moon & Sam will get there together. You will cope because you have to. Life will never, ever be the same again, you can't go back - but you will find a place where you live alongside the pain. You don't 'get over it' you get on with it :(

But for now, do the things you have to do and look after yourself, be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone xxx

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 09/07/2012 16:20

I can't answer for anyone else, but for me, spending time with them in the Chapel of Rest really helped. I was able to spend hours talking, laughing, crying - saying goodbye. I know it's not for everyone, but for me it helped.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 09/07/2012 18:19

An enormous hug for you my lovely, am thinking of you and sending love X

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/07/2012 18:23

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I knew what to say.
(((hugs)))

EvianBaby · 09/07/2012 18:59

I'm so very very sorry about your son. It is truly heartbreaking. I have a three year old son and would be so incredibly proud if he grows up to have as many friends, and is as loved, as James is. He sounds so very special. Take care, I'll be thinking of you and your special family xxx

Flossiechops · 09/07/2012 20:06

I just wanted to add my sincere condolences too all the others. I am so very very sorry for yours and your families loss. May James be forever in your hearts. B x

nemno · 09/07/2012 20:32

I have 2 sons too, 21 and 23. The evidence you have before you of all the love that James has generated shows what a great parent you have been and what fine men your sons turned into. You can be proud and hopefully will be comforted by this.

When I saw your username and read your thread title I was terrified to open the thread. I'm glad I did though, for me, as it made me realise that I too should judge my boys by how much their friends love them and not just by their academic and career achievements. Your family and James have clearly done so very well.

My heart is so heavy for you but thank you for this insight. x

everlong · 09/07/2012 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yellowtip · 09/07/2012 22:48

Michelle just to say I'm still reading. I can't presume to understand the pain, but anger doesn't surprise me one little bit. It's absolutely natural I'm sure. Do keep coming back to tell us how you are, there must be lots of us here.

Vickles · 09/07/2012 23:02

Michelle, i am so so sorry.
My friend's brother committed suicide..... He hung himself.
The rollercoaster of emotions they went through, are going through..... The desperation..... The raw anger.... The guilt... The pure love.
Stay strong. We are all here with you Michelle. x

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 09/07/2012 23:10

Michelle, your bewilderment on how to get through this make me ache. I still feel that way - entirely different circumstances, but still the loss of a child. I am often surprised that I can even breathe, think, walk, or behave in any rational manner. But you do cope... anyway you can. Sometimes it means you cry for hours, sometimes it means a long walk with a friend, sometimes it's sitting here on MN, amazed by the love and kindness shown. Yet it is possible. I promise.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 10/07/2012 00:42

Oh God, I'm so sorry. Nobody should have to go through this! I cannot even begin to imagine how someone can cope with losing a child.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Keep strong and look after one another. {{hug}}

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 10/07/2012 07:08

Thinking you, Sam, your family and friends this morning Michelle

I hope you are managing to find the strength to carry on, day by day.

Zhx3 · 10/07/2012 09:19

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart aches for you.

I lost a dear friend, Martin, a few years ago. He died suddenly, aged 30. He had battled with depression since his teens, and was so happy when he died, with a new job that he loved and having just bought his first house. He had a sudden heart attack and was found at his desk at work. I still think of him often and carry him in my thoughts.

His Mum and Dad have found great comfort from staying in touch with Martin's friends, and this may be something that helps you too?

Martin's family asked for donations to Visyon in his memory. I don't know your location, but it may be of help to your children.

Love to you all x

elkiedee · 10/07/2012 18:02

I can't know what you're going through but I understand exactly what you're saying about your son still being your baby, at any age - I have two sons and I can't think of a worse loss.

So sorry.

ginhag · 10/07/2012 18:36

I'm so sorry, it's a heartbreak that no one should ever have to feel.

James sounds lovely, as do his and your friends and family. And you do too.

Sending you love and strength xxx

cogitosum · 10/07/2012 19:20

I'm so sorry and thinking of you xx

LiberteEgaliteFRIGGernite · 10/07/2012 19:30

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your lovely boy.
Sending strength, love and light from one mother to another.

verytellytubby · 10/07/2012 20:04

Michelle I've got a massive lump in my throat. You sound so amazing. Wishing lots of love to Moon and Sam. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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