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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

MY son died

778 replies

mumof2teenboys · 04/07/2012 04:13

Don't know how to say it, but need to put it down. My beautiful son was found dead last night. I don't know what to do. He is 22 but still my baby, how do you begin to process something like this?

OP posts:
ragingmull · 08/07/2012 16:53

mumof I am crying for you and your family right now. I am so sorry for the loss of James and sorry that his illness meant he felt this was his only way to gain peace.

I have been through what your younger son is going through right now and I'm afraid I can't tell you how to help him to get through this. However time does help and the love and support of family helps too,which he obviously has. Please encourage him to seek professional help at some point.

Also please look after yourself, rest and eat properly. I can't imagine what you are going through, I am sending you love and strength.

May your gorgeous son rest in peace. xxx

03angels · 08/07/2012 17:08

I'm so very sorry to hear of your lossSad

My love and prayers are with you and you're family x

Swatchdog · 08/07/2012 17:13

mumof I am so sorry for you and your family.

When I was 23 one of my dearest friends committed suicide, so I have some experience of how his friends are feeling. It devastated us, but united a group of people for life. We still celebrate Tom's birthday as he was, and is, such an important part of our friendship group. Maybe this is something you would do for James with his friends? It felt right to us to celebrate his life on his birthday.

James will be in my prayers this week. Let light perpetual shine upon him. xx

lazarusb · 08/07/2012 17:34

I have a son of 22, I can't imagine what you are going through.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, James sounds like a wonderful young man who leaves a lot of love behind him.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 08/07/2012 17:43

Oh love. So sorry. I have a James who is 23 and can only try to imagine what you are going through, and get nowhere close to it I expect.

Take comfort from your family and his friends. You will be in my thoughts.

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 08/07/2012 17:46

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious boy xxxx

TroLoLoLo · 08/07/2012 18:10

I am very sorry to hear of your sad loss. I am thinking of your and your family and friends.

cocolepew · 08/07/2012 18:54

I'm so sorry x

flubba · 08/07/2012 19:20

Words are insufficient to convey the deep, deep sympathy I have for you and your family.

lookout · 08/07/2012 20:49

mumto2 so very very sad for you and your family Sad. I hope you will continue to find James' friends a great comfort. My brother was killed at age 24 and now, 4 years on, the continued contact with his friends keeps him a little bit alive. And the memories they can share with you will make him even more special.

Much sympathy and love for you.

Abra1d · 08/07/2012 21:27

Still tninking of you, Mumof2. And of your son, James.

scottishmummy · 08/07/2012 21:34

hope you and your family are getting by
such an awful unexpected loss

CakeistheAnswer · 09/07/2012 00:45

Oh Mumof2, I don't have the words to express how my heart is breaking for you. You are feeling a pain which no mother should have to experience, the very worst.

You are so right - even when our boys are grown men they will still always be our babies. James will always be your beautiful boy.

Thinking of your family at this sad, sad time. xxxx

babyboomersrock · 09/07/2012 01:00

What a tragic loss - I am thinking of you and your family and everyone who loved your beautiful boy.

My children are all older than your James - they're still my precious babies, and always will be, and I cannot imagine your grief. I am so sorry.

laptopwieldingharpy · 09/07/2012 01:07

So sorry for your loss Sad

Caramelia · 09/07/2012 03:45

I'm so very sorry for your loss. This is just absolutely tragic. Sending you my thoughts and prayers. xxx

Sunnydelight · 09/07/2012 03:54

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are in right now, your beautiful James will be in my prayers.

CinnabarRed · 09/07/2012 04:12

Thinking of you all at this terrible time. Your James sounds wonderful.

GirlWithTheMouseyHair · 09/07/2012 07:17

I am so so sorry, words often feel like they fall short but can be towers of strength when said right. I am sorry I have no words but my thoughts are with you, and my heart is sore at the thought of how yours must be breaking.

Take care, and keep Sam held tight to your chest.

May flights of angels sing James to his rest

shabbapinkfrog · 09/07/2012 10:07

This is going to be a ridiculous message - so I apologise before I ask the question! How are you doing? I remember the early days so well....the early days that feel like you are swimming through treacle. Remember any emotions you are feeling are totally normal. xxxx

Original poster
mumof2teenboys · 09/07/2012 12:05

I'm not sure how I'm doing today, we are arranging his funeral, he is coming back to our home town today and will be at the Chapel of Rest this afternoon. I have sorted out his clothes to take for him to wear and am trying to work up the courage to go and see him.

I'm so very angry today, how dare he do this to us, why couldn't he talk to us? why couldn't he reach out to someone/anyone?

Then I start to cry again, I miss him, but I'm worried that Sam will start to feel that he isn't loved as much as James because the grief we feel is overwhelming. That isn't the case but its something that worries me.

I want our old life back, seven days ago, all we had to worry about was work and the dinner. Now we are picking coffins and choosing scatter tubes, what the fuck is that about?

What do I do? How can I get Moon and Sam though this?

OP posts:
Maryz · 09/07/2012 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 09/07/2012 12:11

Anger is normal, a normal part of any grieving process - and often more where a suicide is involved. Sorry, I know that sounds trite but it is still true :(

From what you said about James' diagnosis, he wasn't coming to terms with it well - and it would of course have affected his rationality. I would think he just wanted the pain of his condition to end. :(

Re. Sam - I'm sure he fully understands that he is just as loved - but he is still here and there is no need to mourn him - I'm also sure that he is grieving just as much. I hope you can all turn to each other and support each other - share your pain and grief with each other so that none of you close up and feel in any way as though you should hide it from the others.

In the meantime, as Shabba has said upthread - one foot in front of the other, one day at a time and just remember to breathe. That is what will get you through. (((hugs)))

Original poster
mumof2teenboys · 09/07/2012 12:37

Thank you all again, its such a trite phrase but I honestly mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Michelle x

OP posts:
zonedout · 09/07/2012 12:44

Michelle, I am so desperately saddened and so very very sorry to read about your precious son. I have two little boys and cant begin to imagine. Try to take every day, every hour, every minute as it comes. Thinking of you.

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