Awful Weekend

[Twinkie]

Message withdrawn

Oh Twinkie - I can't think of anything to say. I'm covered in goose bumps and feel a bit shell shocked. Perhaps I could come back and say something constructive later but for now all I can offer you and your family is my sympathy. I'm so, so sorry.

I Echo ThomCat. Would love to give you some excellent advice but can't. How very very sad for all of you. Be strong you will get through this - will be thinking of you and your family.xx

Look - you did go through this Twinkie. I know it didn't happen to you exactly but you did still go through it. You were there and it happened to your sister, your blood and someone you are very close to. You are allowed, and in fact must grieve yourself and look after yourself so you can be strong for her. Please don't ignore how YOU are feeling. Ring her as much as you feel you want to - you'll know at the time if you're calling too much. Do what feels right - she'll appreciate it. Not sure about buying them something to remember the baby by - that's a bit too much for me at the moment, sorry. Right now look after yourself and then you can be strong for your sister who will need you. Good luck and once again - so sorry.

message withdrawn

message withdrawn

Oh Twinkie, that's terrible. Hugs to you & to your family.

I think you take your cue from your sister as to what you do now. I think you should speak about Miles as he did exist and it is a very real loss. It may be too soon right now though so maybe just let your sister know that you are there for her whenever she needs you.

The tickets/hotel idea is a lovely one.

Hugs x

I don't have any advice, I so shocked at the sheer sadness of Baby Miles' breif time. All my thoughts are with you and your family. Take care xxx

I'm peering at this screen through floods of tears after your post. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family must be going through. I have no advice but just wanted you to know how sorry I am. xxx

Twinkie, I am so sorry. You have moved me to tears. I think you have been amazing.

Twinkle, what a very sad story. Heartfelt sympathy for all of you. Everyone grieves in different ways - you are grieving as well as your sister and her DH. Do continue to talk to her, but take your cue from her - she may not want to just yet. Likewise, talk about Miles and continue to remember him.

message withdrawn

I'm so so sorry for you and your family.

Twinkie, you HAVE been through it. You have lost your nephew and you are entitled to let yourself grieve. I think you are doing the right thing now, just be there for her if she needs you and you and your dp be there for each other.

Please give her dd a big hug too, I can't begin to imagine how I would have coped with all this at her age.

thinking of you all.

Twinkie, I simply don't know what to say except I am so sorry... what a terrible tragedy. You do need to grieve too as Thomcat has said you went through this with your sister and I am sure that your being there for her made a difference for her. Do not go to see Miles if you can not cope with it but please do talk to your sister and dh. People do shove tragedy under the carpet and sometimes that little life simply needs to be acknowledged. Thinking of you all, winniexx

I'm crying too, Twinkie. How sad. I don't think you should be wondering whether it would have been better not to go, however hard it was you can rest assured that you were there for your sister at the worst of times. Think how you would feel if you hadn't gone.

You will get over this, but it is very early days and of course your emotions will be topsy turvy for some time yet before you can make sense of it all. I would let your sister be your guide as to how much attention she will need, everyone handles these things their own way.

I can't wait to give you a big hug on Saturday. And thank you for sharing this on mumsnet, even the sad stories are part of life's rich experience, and being able to share something like this is a valuable thing.

I am so very very sorry. I had awful feeling was going to be something like this. I can't pretend to imagine what you, your sister and the rest of your family are going through.

The only thing I can suggest is relating to the plague of phone calls etc... I would just ask her how she would prefer you to handle this, explain that you don't want to smother her but that you want her to know that you are their for her (anytime day or night). That you don't want to force her to talk but that you are always their to listen. Ask her if she would like to talk about it or if you should avoid the subject for a while...

I think this really works and it shows that you still see her as a real person and can still talk to her in the same way as before etc... I obviously don't know your sister but I'd appreciate that.

You know where I am. Please please talk as much as you need to. hugs x

So, so sorry your sister and her dh have had to go through this Twinkie. It sounds like you were absolutely fantastic, and of course it's only natural that you should feel the way you do, you have lost your nephew.
Carry on being as supportive as you have been, they couldn't wish for a better person to help them through their grief.
Huge hugs{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so so sorry that this has happened. I am truly humbled. I couldn't not read it. I think you are very brave and your sister must just be totally numbed. My thoughts and prayers are with all of your family.

I think it's lovely idea to give them tickets/hotel. I think Edinburgh is a lovely, romantic place. My DH and I went after our losses and it was a wonderful experience. Just an idea.

Take care
xxxxxx

Twinkie - I'm so so sorry that you and your dearest family have had this happen. I think the advice to let your sister lead is a good one. I also think its a good idea to keep being there for her, not just now when its fresh but in months/years to come when it will still haunt her. You sound like a fabulous sister - best wishes to all of you and many hugs and much luck!

Couldn't read this without replying - hugs to you and your sister - what an awful loss and what a great sister you are, whatever you decide to with regards to gifts/calls etc she will always know how much you love her and want to help

Becca
xx

Oh Twinkie, I'm so sorry. You've moved me to tears too, also because my 11wk old is called Miles and I can't imagine having to go through with him what your sister did with her little one.

Of course you need to grieve etc - not only did you support your sister wonderfully through it, but Miles was your nephew, a very close relative, that I'm sure you had your own feelings for him inside. I don't really know what to say, but I think it is very much OK to speak about Miles, he was their son and they saw him and he was lovely. Your sister and husband won't want him to be forgotten or not spoken about - especially by you, who were right there with them at the end.

I think you are amazing and very strong and I'm so sorry that your family has had such a sad experience. Thinking of you.

Message withdrawn

My boys is called Miles. and pphs too.

so sorry for you all

Sending you & your family all the love in the world to get through this sad time. You sound such a fantastic sister to have and I am sure your sister and her husband will appreciate all the support you can give.

Twinkie, my heart goes out to you and your family.

A very, very similar thing happened to a close member of my family a few years back. I think she would agree that you really need to be there for your sister and let her talk about it as much as possible.

Very sad that your father and stepmother didn't feel that they could speak to her about this. Can I just say in their defence that some people find it very, very hard to know what to say and often live in denial...hard to explain as I don't want to give too much away 'in public' but they may have their reasons.