My beautiful red-headed 13-month daughter died totally unexpectedly

[MiaAlexandrasmummy]

I have never posted on mumsnet before, while my beautiful Mia was alive, although I read all the advice often. So I feel a bit of a fraud now - I can't be her mummy anymore.

She died nearly four weeks ago now. We had the most beautiful, touching service, with our families from all over the world with us, and we have been so touched by all the love shown to us by friends, friends of family, friends of friends, and even people who we don't even know.

But I hurt so much. The pain returns afresh each day, overwhelming me, even though I am managing to get up, get out of the house, and function on a basic level.

Mia wasn't supposed to die. She was so happy, developing well, eating well, with no sign of illness. But she was, it turns out.

I am her mummy, and she spent so much time with me. How could I not know?? How can we go on and adapt to a life without her? Obviously, people manage somehow, but I keep fighting the fact that she is really gone, and we will never see her smile again, kiss her soft curls or hold her in our arms. It is so wrong.

You have shown such strength at such a sad time, may you find some inner peace and comfort in 2012 xxxx

I'm so glad the break has done you both good.

Love & light for the New Year sounds a lovely mantra to help you return home.

Big hugs to you both & your lovely families for 2012.

Thinking of you, and wishing as much peace as you can find in 2012
x

Wishing you well and thinking of you MiasMummy. I wish I could make it better for you.

Miasmummy If you only knew how many times you and your beautiful girl have crossed my mind over this past few weeks. I have always wanted to post and say how sorry I am for your loss but my words always seem so insignificant.

My DS is the same age as your little girl. I hope it's not inappropriate to say that I cherish him so much more because of your loss. I don't know whether that is the right way to say that, so please accept my apologies if it is not.

Your Mia is a beauty. She will always be in your heart, and in many peoples hearts that never had the privilege to meet her, due to the wonderful way you have with words. A mothers love is a remarkable thing, and you are keeping her alive in all of our hearts with your precious memories.

I hope that 2012 brings you peace and happiness of some sort.

Your posts have always reminded me of a friend's DD who I met through NCT classes. A fabulous red head. We had a surprise visit from her over Christmas and it was such a joy to see her all grown up (12). I thought of Mia whilst she was here. Mia definitely lives on in all our thougts through your beautiful emotive writing.

I wish you and your family whatever peace you can find in 2012.

Two years ago, Mia grew inside me, and I loved her. Last year, Mia was in my arms, and I loved her. This year, Mia is in my heart and I love her endlessly.

Newton please don't apologise for hugging your DS that little bit tighter because of Mia. Your words are kind. I just wish everyone would realise how precious those everyday moments are. We are so grateful for all the videos of Mia we have, just doing silly little things. Remembering them in writing here also helps.

dances, we imagine Mia growing up, just like your fabulous friend's DD. I see her so clearly in a school uniform, a mass of red curls, holding onto her daddy's hand, eyes aglow, so excited, on her first day at school.

I also see Mia as a beautiful young woman, tall and graceful, and wonderfully confident about her place in the world. She is open, loving and in a job she loves, and we are so, so proud of her.

We are so proud of Mia now, just for being herself.

Hi miasmummy, nivea here, back to my old nickname.

You sound sad but strong in your last couple of posts. I hope the break given you and DH some peace. You have such clarity of (beautiful) thought when it comes to Mia, and though I really, really, really wish this thread had never had a cause, I have missed hearing about her in your posts while you've been away - hope that doesn't sound too strange.

I imagine coming home will full of mixed emotions, do you have people to greet you/pick you up from the airport etc?

Welcome back miasmummy

I'm sure as dubai says it must be hard coming home, but the break sounds like it was just the right thing to do for you both, and hopefully has given you space and time to just "be" together and sharing your thought and memories of your beautiful daughter.

Big hugs to you both for the coming days and weeks. Love to grandadofmia too, it was lovely that he could post here, I hope it helped, just a little.

Hello miasmummy,
Unfortunately I know what your going through! Our son Oliver passed away 8 months ago now he was 2 years old! I'm so sorry for your loss! It's the worst thing that can ever happen to a person! I don't know why some of us have to go through it while others don't? It's so unfair?
I can just imaging what she looks like! Myself and my daughter have red hair! Hence the nickname! I'm sure she was beautiful! And always will be! She will always be a part of you!
Lots of love!! Xx

I came across this accidentally and it has kept me up hours beyond my bedtime, just bewildered at your loss of little Mia. Those photos on your profile are so, so gorgeous and in your descriptions of Mia I feel I almost know her.

Take care - I didn't know what to write, but couldn't write nothing.

Just looked at Mia's photo, she looks just as I imagined! Reminds me of my daughter at that age! So precious! Xx

I'm sat here sobbing about Mia, what a beautiful cheeky little girl. Your writing is so elequent and honest and you have an amazing dh and family. I'm heartened that this tragedy has strengthened your relationship with your dh and I think Mia's wood is a really good idea. It could become your safe haven. I am ao terribly sorry for you all and I hope you can gain some comfort from here and you rl friends.

Hi &Mia'smummy* hows things been with you both since you got back?

Hello all, we are back to the cold and the wind. Being at home has been easier than I expected. Mia's photo waved at me in the kitchen, and I waved back to her cheeky, happy smile.

When I look at Mia's photos and videos, I nearly always smile now. It was such a wonderful bubble of love, a wonderful time together. It feels so long ago though. I just have to try not to think about all the new photos we would love to have with her.

I love her videos the most. She feels so real in them. Mia had such a quantity of noises, a real language of her own, and in looking back, which began at a very early age. Everyone always commented on how vocal she was, some with surprise. I can't really convey it all - a satisfied 'a-HA' which she thought she did something funny, a little chortle when she was pleased, a squeak of pure joy when she was doing something new, and a real 'ha-ha-ha' when she was having fun, a trill of excitement, a gurgle of joy. Mia always had something to say, whether it was a little questioning noise and a pointed finger when she wanted to see what I was doing on the stove, or a happy da-da-da noise as she crawled along, or a victorious squeal of happiness as we touched her mobiles and watched them bounce. And when she woke from a nap, she would stand up in her cot and yell loudly(!) until I came and picked her up, her little arms clasping me tightly around the neck.

I do miss all those precious moments with Mia, but I am so glad that I had them. A spectacular, stunning little girl.

Still thinking of you MiasMummy, and your DH. I have felt what newtonupontheheath wrote earlier, but had been afraid of making you sadder at your situation (if that is even possible). I've hugged my children tighter and longer ever since having first come across this thread. Your tales still bring tears to my eyes every time and I'm so sorry for you and your DH. It's lovely though that you are able to smile at her memory, and the videos must be precious. Do make sure you back them up or make copies of them if you haven't already.
x

Welcome back sweetie, it's good to hear you have not found it quite as bad as you feared.

Your beautiful daughter lives on through your words and the pictures you have posted, and her wood when it develops.

Big New Year hugs to you both & your lovely family.

Hi Miasmummy

I too am glad that you haven't found coming home too hard. I like the thought of Mia twinkling away at you from her picture in the kitchen .

I keep thinking of how well you write - do you write as a profession? I think a little red headed, cheeky, chatterbox, caterpillar Mia would be a lovely character in a children's novel - I'd buy it. Just in case that thought ever crosses your mind!

With continued love and good wishes.
X

Mia had such a quirky sense of humour for a little girl. We have a wonderful video of Mia where she does nothing but blow raspberries - DH asks her to do one, and she happily obliges, and then keeps going for about a minute. You can see in her eyes that she know she is being funny, flipping her hands around my neck and tossing herself around, and finally, when Mia is satisfied that her audience is sufficiently amused, she finishes with a big victorious laugh, so pleased with her new noise. It never fails to make me smile.

My lovely family continues to be just that. After a few questions about when we next will all be together (they all live overseas), it was suggested that we could do Christmas here this year, and include DH's family too. They all hadn't properly met until Mia died, and yet everyone got along amazingly well, sleeping all over the house and producing gorgeous meals. Seeing the cousins together was wonderful, but bittersweet, as Mia was just learning that this older little people were fascinating creatures... It would be so lovely to have everyone together again for a happy occasion, and I know Mia will still be so much a part of the whole celebration. So it look as though it is going to happen. Something to look forward to.

A touching offer from my brother and his wife today. Their DD is 3 months older than Mia, and they have asked if we would approve of them changing their DD's name to include Mia as a second name, so that her red-headed cousin can always be part of their family too.

dubai I don't write at all, but like most people, it is something I have always wanted to do. A children's book would be a wonderful way to show Mia's magic to the world. Thank you for the encouragement, I might think about trying it out, especially as DH has the artistic ability to do the illustrations. He was so looking forward to teaching Mia to draw...

Yes yes yes to you writing a book. What a fabulous way to share Mia with the world.

And lovely to think that you have next Christmas as a littel beacon of light on the horizon.

Small steps.

little

I second dubai's suggestion- do think of writing a book, a children's book would be lovely, and if DH is artistic what a wonderful tribute to Mia from you both.

Or, in the future if you could bear it, a book containing a selection of your posts on here, they are so eloquent and moving and I think already show a progression through your grieving journey. Forgive me if you find that thought upsetting.

Ditto to all the others have said.

I too have only just found this and am moved beyond words, miasmummy, your strength, bravery and above all else your love for Mia shines through. You will always be her mummy, and she will always be a part of you. I'm just so so sorry for your loss xxxx

I have followed this from the start not knowing what to say and crying over it. My heart breaks for you all and your strength is amazing.