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Bereavement

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My newborn girl is going to die, not sure what to do now.

1002 replies

cupofteaplease · 17/09/2011 12:09

I gave birth to our little girl yesterday at 1.15pm. They told almost straight away they thought she had Edward's Syndrome. Now they think her brain just didn't develop. Noone can tell us how long she will be with us, nobody knows.

My two dds are 6 and 4 and were so excited about their baby sister. They are coming to meet her later. How can I tell them she will die?

As she is breathing unaided and tube feeding, they are caring for her in SCBU, but I have said if they can't do anything, I want to bring her home to spend her last time. I wish we knew how long she had.

I think my heart is breaking.

OP posts:
seasaltbaby · 18/09/2011 09:27

I am so so sorry cupoftea, I can't imagine what you're going through but I hope you can find some comfort from our support, we are all thinking of you and Beatrice xxx

BerryLellow · 18/09/2011 09:33

So sorry to hear this, wishing you strength and support and to be surrounded by love at this difficult and sad time x

MrsP81 · 18/09/2011 09:57

My thoughts are with you and your family cupoftea xxx

Whatevertheweather · 18/09/2011 10:26

Cupoftea I hope you don't mind me posting this but a very kind friend gave this to me to read to my dd when Erin died. It might help your girls to understand:

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

'Look!' said one of the water bugs to another, 'One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?' Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. 'That's funny!' said one water bug to another. 'Wasn't she happy here?' asked a second water bug. 'Were do you suppose she went?' wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, the leader of the colony, gathered its friends together. 'I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where she went and why.' 'We promise', they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and had fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs!. There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered his promise: 'The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why'.

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly he could no longer go into the water. 'I can't return!' he said in dismay. 'At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went'.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.

ScribblerInTheSpaces · 18/09/2011 10:32

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bilblio · 18/09/2011 10:46

Cupoftea, only just read the antenatal thread. So sorry to hear your news. Beautiful name. Thinking of you all. x

TallyBear · 18/09/2011 15:24

Cupoftea I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I hope you have enough time to leave you all with some special memories of little Beatrice. Thinking of you.

pinkyp · 18/09/2011 15:27

Thinking of you and your precious baby girl x

cupofteaplease · 18/09/2011 16:12

51 hours into her life and I am so proud of her, she is working very hard. Smile

I've had a good day, after a terrible night and early morning on the postnatal ward. I was crying so hard I thought I'd drown. Missing my big girls too.

Thanks for all the support, and the dragonfly story.

OP posts:
deemented · 18/09/2011 16:19

I'm so glad she's holding her own, cupoftea - She must get her strength of will from her Mammy Smile

Are you still on the PN ward? I really really hope you are in a room of your own?

Thinking of you all x

nickschick · 18/09/2011 16:21

cupofteaplease I dont know enough to say anything to help youSad and I dont want to be ignorant to your situation,im so very sorry Sad for your family.

Baby Beatrice Primrose will never know anything other than love.

BB3 · 18/09/2011 16:26

cupoftea she sounds like a true little fighter x sending all our love and strength to her.

apples82 · 18/09/2011 17:06

cupoftea well done to both you and your beautiful Beatrice. Enjoy every second of time with your precious little one, breathe every bit of her in.

Thinking of you and your family and wishing you all the best healing in this difficult time.

xxxxx

vividgingerchilli · 18/09/2011 17:09

Keeping you both in my thoughts, not sure what else to say. Hugs.

ChippingIn · 18/09/2011 17:10

cupoftea - I'm glad you have taken some photos will all of your girls and with you both. Keep taking photos and making memories. Snuggle with her as much as you are able to. We're all thinking of you xxx

BOMBAYANDMJONICE · 18/09/2011 17:24

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sevensevenseven · 18/09/2011 18:35

I have nothing to add that hasn't been said already but I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you, your baby girl and your family xx

faverolles · 18/09/2011 18:50

I'm so sorry to hear this :(
You've chosen her a beautiful name. I hope she carries on fighting xxx

BonAppetit · 18/09/2011 18:53

I am thinking of you xxx

Portofino · 18/09/2011 18:57

Oh cupoftea! Sad Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful dd Beatrice. I really hope you get lots and lots of precious time with her.

SanctiMoanyArse · 18/09/2011 18:59

I am so very sorry.

I would do as ChippingIn said but that will not work for everyone I know.

Annunziata · 18/09/2011 19:01

Such a beautiful name. Thinking of you all xxx

NiecieTheTerminator · 18/09/2011 19:34

So sorry - what a terrible thing to deal with.Sad

I hope you have many more hours to spend with your little girl, making memories. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

VenetianEffect · 18/09/2011 19:56

My heart goes out to you. Wishing you and your family every strength now and in the days and years ahead. Xx

Becaroooo · 18/09/2011 20:00

Beautiful name, just beautiful.

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