Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My baby daughter died. I want her back

672 replies

Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 11:22

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 31/08/2011 21:51

Whatever she is absolutely gorgeous!
what a proud big sister, your DD1 is!
treasure those moments you had your 2 daughters there together! I only had mine at the same place at DD2's funeral, as we didn't let DD1 come to hospital. DD2 was born at 20 weeks and we found she was too tiny for DD1 to see. She did see some pics and she knew it was her in the coffin and was very proud to tell everyone it was her little sister in there.

DaydreamDolly · 31/08/2011 21:52

What a gorgeous little baby. I am so so sorry for your loss, you poor girl. Erin's big sister does look so proud, rightfully so. I hope she is happier soon. As a previous poster said, children can be very resilient, thankfully.

Much love x

PacificDogwood · 31/08/2011 21:53

What a darlling little girl Erin is! Thank you so much for sharing.
And the smile on her proud older sister's face...

Erin is much loved and it shows. You have every right to be proud of her.
I am very glad you seem to have found a more sympathetic undertaker.
Thinking of you all x.

youarekidding · 31/08/2011 21:56

WTW beautiful pictures. I especially love the one of your DD's together. How brave (if that's not a bad or the wrong thing to say) of K to cuddle her sister, I bet she'll treasure that photo as much as you will.

I'm glad you have found a funeral director who will give Erin the send off she deserves and you and yours want for her.

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

((((((more hugs))))))

BornToFolk · 31/08/2011 21:57

Thank you for sharing those photos, both of your girls are just beautiful. I'll be thinking of them both (and you too) when I knit my squares for the blanket. I hope it brings you some comfort.

Four4me · 31/08/2011 21:57

So so glad you feel happy with the funeral directors. The photos are so bitter sweet, two beautiful little girls.

Am thinking of you a lot.

greasychip · 31/08/2011 21:59

Beautiful girls. Erin looks so peaceful, like a baby who has only known love and peace. I am reading this with tears as you are such a brave woman and I just wanted to add my heartfelt condolences to the list, from one mother to another xx

zonedout · 31/08/2011 22:00

have only just seen this thread. really there are no words. i am so desperately sorry. tears are streaming down my face for you yet i cannot even begin to imagine what you must be going through. the deep love between you and your beautiful erin is very obvious from your first photo. she looks so safe, so adored and so peaceful. what a perfect little girl. and your dd1 is glorious too. my thoughts are with you.

crazynanna · 31/08/2011 22:00

Oh my goodness,how beautiful are your girls! Smile
Erin was perfect...just perfect. I am sending you love and strength from the bottom of my heart

St1ggy · 31/08/2011 22:00

So sorry for you loss. RIP Erin.

Precious pictures. x

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 31/08/2011 22:02

WTW, I have read this thread and now have tears streaming down my face.

I am fortunate in that I have never been I this position, but I'm so glad that you have found such good support from others on here.

I just have to say how lovely your photos of, especially the one of Erin with her gorgeous big sister who looks so incredibly grown up and proud. I was in two minds whether or not to look at your photos of her, I felt like I would somehow be intruding but I'm glad that I did. Erin is a beautiful baby and obviously very much loved. I'm so pleased to hear that you have found a Funeral Director who will treat you and Erin with the love and care that you all deserve.

You are being so incredibly strong. I hope that the PM can give you some answers.

Love to you and your amazing family.

xx

QuickLookBusy · 31/08/2011 22:05

Thank you for sharing your photos WTW, your daughter are both beautiful.

It is so lovely that Katie got to give her little sister such big cuddle.

bonkers20 · 31/08/2011 22:08

Thank you for sharing your pictures. It is a privilege to see beautiful Erin. The pictures of the sisters together will be one that your DD will treasure.

I am very glad the meeting with the FD today was better and that you feel Erin will be cared for and loved.

Love

tortilla · 31/08/2011 22:10

I've only just seen this. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing the photos: you have two beautiful girls, you must be so proud.

I hope that the post mortem gives you some answers.

Best wishes to you all. I will be thinking of you.

hermionestranger · 31/08/2011 22:11

I'm so so sorry for your loss of Erin. RIP Baby Girl. xx

Huge hug to you and your family. You did your very best. x

2plus2 · 31/08/2011 22:20

Love to you all. Such lovely photos. xxx

LottieJenkins · 31/08/2011 22:23

The pictures of your daughters are so beautiful. The funeral director who did my son Jacks funeral didnt charge me. Ive been told since that most fd's dont charge for babies. I remember being adamant that i did not want a white coffin. Jack had a beautiful oak one. My youngest stepson (who is older than me due to my late dh being a lot older than me) attended the funeral and asked if he could carry Jack to his grave. He is buried in our family area of the churchyard next to my my grandfathers brother and sister who died when they were children. I like the idea of him being buried near other children.

Pinot · 31/08/2011 22:24

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm sorry I don't know what to say. I'm crying for your beautiful baby.

LottieJenkins · 31/08/2011 22:26

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uIQp9Dqcrw This song is very special to many of us Mums on The Bereaved Mums Thread. The lyrics are just perfect............Sad

LottieJenkins · 31/08/2011 22:26
hester · 31/08/2011 22:31

Erin and her sister are beautiful. I am so very, very sorry for this heartbreaking loss.

herbietea · 31/08/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Northernlurkerr · 31/08/2011 22:38

I'm so pleased you have found a good funeral director now. The pictures are lovely. I think it's so important for K that you have that picture of them together. Erin will always be part of your family and it will be lovely for you all to have that picture to look back on. You did well to involve K at such a hard time.

youarekidding · 31/08/2011 22:41

lottie that song is so thought provoking. I have heard it before but never really thought about the lyrics. What a beautiful song.

youjusthaventearnedityetbaby · 31/08/2011 22:58

Your girls are so beautiful. So so perfect. Thank you for sharing your precious photos with us, have been thinking of you all day. xxx