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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

My baby daughter died. I want her back

672 replies

Whatevertheweather · 30/08/2011 11:22

Hello, have been a regular poster since my eldest daughter was born 4 years ago. Never expected to be starting a thread in bereavement.

I was 35 weeks pregnant last week when I stopped feeling regular movements. A frantic dash to the hospital ended with an emergency c section after a scan showed she was showing signs of a viral infection. They thought we gone in time but when they took her out she was much worse than they expected. She died after about 40mins. We spent 2 precious nights with her before having to leave her there and come home for our other daughter.

I am numb. I can't stop shaking. I hate myself everytime I close my eyes I see 4 red words on a white background 'you should have known'

I just want her back - she shouldn't have even been born yet

OP posts:
LordOfTheFlies · 31/08/2011 22:58

whatevertheweather- I don't have the right words.- but the tears I'm crying right now are genuine and from my heart.
Nothing I can say will make it easier for you or your family I'm afraid. Sad.
I've read your post and I've just had a look at your photos and your perfect tiny daighter, and her beautiful older sister.
There are others on here whose words are wiser than mine, but I'm thinking of you and you know the MN etters are here for you when you want to talk, cry,rant,scream.
Any hour of the day or night, someone will be here for you.
((hugs))

On the music choices, have you thought about "Time to say Goodbye" ?

Katherine Jenkins, Placido Domingo, Paul Potts. all have done beautiful and different versions.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 31/08/2011 23:04

Lottie - that song is beautiful thank you. I know what you mean about the white coffin. We have chosen a willow casket instead and are going to have it threaded with daisy chains and small posies of babies breath and meadow flowers in lilacs, pinks and whites. She will come with us and K in the funeral car and her daddy will take her in to the church with his brother and my brother with him Sad

He is being so strong but he said earlier - I expected to walk my daughter down the aisle in a wedding dress not a coffin Sad Sad Sad

Another day nearly done

OP posts:
jugglingwiththreeshoes · 31/08/2011 23:06

Thanks for sharing with us. You are such a strong person. Glad to hear you have plans in place now for your special day to remember Erin with your family and friends, and a little time to think what you would like to include. So difficult to know what to say ... everything sounds wrong ... but sending all our love x

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 31/08/2011 23:13

The flowers especially sound just right for her xx

Thumbwitch · 31/08/2011 23:20

WTW - the pictures of your beautiful girls are very moving, thank you for posting them. I still weep every time I open your thread to think of what you are going through.
So very glad your second funeral directors were appropriate and kind, such a relief to you.
Hug little Katie tight to you and keep her in the emotional "loop", as it were.

Love and strength to you all. x

HereIGo · 31/08/2011 23:24

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DirtyDawg · 31/08/2011 23:24

hello whatever, I'm so very sorry about your little daughter Erin, I played music for a baby funeral the other week and thought about the song they played for her, the lyrics are very fitting, I have just found it on youtube and started me off in tears again...

My heartfelt condolenses with you and your family (((hugs)))

MollieO · 31/08/2011 23:24

So sad to read this but what lovely photos of your daughters. Wishing you peace and courage.

DirtyDawg · 31/08/2011 23:25

forgot to mention, your photos are beautiful, thank you for sharing them with us xx

Gorran · 31/08/2011 23:28

Whatevertheweather - both Erin and your other daughter are absolutely beautiful, what lovely girls you have.

You're in my thoughts and prayers, much love xxx

RedAmberGreen · 31/08/2011 23:30

Whatevertheweather I just wanted to post and send you my love. Your two girls are gorgeous, what a proud sister your DD1 looks. Erin is such a beautiful name x

TheORIGINALWoofLady · 31/08/2011 23:30

I hope you don't mind but I'll pray for you and your LO in eternity x

sh77 · 31/08/2011 23:39

So very sorry for the loss of your Erin. I wish I had the courage to talk about the loss of my own daughter. I feel pretty dead two years down the line. Your pics brought tears to my eyes - so perfect, so beautiful.

Your thread shows what a wonderful and compassionate place MN is. I hope you get all the support you need.

AfternoonsandCoffeespoons · 31/08/2011 23:42

Whatever - I am so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

springboksaplenty · 31/08/2011 23:44

You have two very beautiful daughters. I cannot imagine what you must be going through - I, like many other women on her, have tears running down my face.

I don't know if this helps but whenever a child dies in hospital, everyone who knows or finds out about it cares. Truly cares. This is never routine for those involved, from the porters who took her down to the morgue or to the people at the pm. She will be looked after with care and attention and those who get to know of her death will be thinking of you.

Peachy · 31/08/2011 23:49

I am so sorry to read of your sad loss. Your girls are beautiful, you can see the love in the two pictures alone.

Bless you all. Such a sad time.

devonshiredumpling · 31/08/2011 23:53

so sad for you we are always here for a chat have you contacted the hospital chaplains as when i lost my baby they made sure she was prayed for and they sent us a certificate acknowledging that she was here and loved nothing makes up for the loss but the chaplains are a forgotten resource (they do not care if you have a faith or not just good to have a sympathetic ear)

randommoment · 31/08/2011 23:56

My little brother died at the beginning of this month. Our mother was bewildered, angry, feeling guilty and devastated all at the same time, because we all expect our children to organise our funerals, not us organise them. The support and friendship from friends and strangers alike has helped us all to keep on going. Mumsnetters are wonderful!
God bless you and your daughters and their father. xxx

saffronwblue · 01/09/2011 00:07

Thank you for sharing the photos of your darling girls. Erin looks very peaceful. I am pleased you have found a more sensitive funeral director and I am hoping that you and your family are able to find some comfort in the service. Sending loving thoughts to the 4 of you.

imogengladheart · 01/09/2011 00:30

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sqweegiebeckenheim · 01/09/2011 00:34

Erin is beautiful. She looks so peaceful. xxxxxx

MrsDBouquetVAMOSRAFA · 01/09/2011 00:50

Whatevertheweather

Please will you and your Husband and Katie please accept my family and I's condolences for the loss of Erin.

We lost a little boy 8 years ago, he was born sleeping, at 26 weeks.

I have had a sneaky peek at your pictures, Katie looks so proud holding Erin. Just gorgeous.

I don't know if you have heard this poem, but it has helped me a bit over the years :

An Angel in the Book Of Life
Wrote down my baby's birth
And whispered as she closed the book
"Too beautiful for earth".

I know that there is nothing I can say to make you feel any better, or console you in any way. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you, and your family.

Take care. xxxxx

Tutti · 01/09/2011 05:19

whatevertheweather

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

Your photo's are beautiful and as everyone else has said what a proud big sister.

Erin is lovely and you are so brave.

Take as much care of yourselves as much as you can and know that we are all thinkning of you, your family and baby Erin.

shabbapinkfrog · 01/09/2011 06:46

Beautiful photographs. xxx

everlong · 01/09/2011 07:00

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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